Time for a check-in: How are you doing?
Are you feeling pulled in a million different directions?
Finding yourself pulled down into rabbit holes of worry?
Being a parent is hard and doesn't get any easier when your child hits the tween and teen years.
If you always aim to feel great, with everything perfect, you will be disappointed, and your well-being, self-esteem, and confidence can be negatively impacted. How about setting a realistic level of how you want to be feeling? There is something to be said for aiming for a balanced approach, like, 'I feel OK'. Stuff happens, and we can't stop that, but as the cliché goes, how we get back up counts.
An internet browser on one of our devices can open many 'tabs' with many different things; how many tabs do you have available? Too many will leave you feeling overwhelmed, stressed even and depressed and anxious.
To-do lists are usually neverending, which feels overwhelming. Rather than setting yourself up for disappointment, try to reframe the goal of getting to the end. See your task list as a stream; you can choose when to step in and get some stuff done or step out and take a break.
Give yourself a mental holiday when going down a worry rabbit hole. Changing your headspace can break the stress cycle. When we return to it, the new perspective may not seem so bad. Find a distraction to occupy your mind like a light-hearted comedy show – there's a reason our teens go back to Friends repeatedly for comfort viewing.
Remember that you are doing your best; that is more than good enough.
Think about what you can do to give your mind a break – what recharges you? Something routine, away from tech, like walking without your phone or giving yourself a 15-minute home workout!
Prioritise what needs to be done today or what can wait for another time.
Set a time limit for tasks; for example, set a timer for 15 minutes, put on some top tunes and do general tidying.
Creating a more manageable 2024
Consider these to set yourself up for a more manageable 2024:
- Set a realistic goal – Aim for things to be mostly 'OK.'
- Caring for yourself is part of how you care for your children; this isn't an either/or situation. When you take care of yourself, you're funnier, more relaxed, more easy-going, more patient, and better able to cope with setbacks.
- Have something fun to look forward to – A massage or lunch with a friend; the little things make all the difference.
- Notice the good stuff – Your kids laughing or playing, your partner giving you a cheeky squeeze or even just that perfect cup of java!
- Model the behaviour you want to see – you can't expect your teens to reduce their tech time when you're scrolling through your phone throughout the evening.
- Safeguard your sleep – This is as important for you as it is for your kids. Get yourself away from tech before going to bed.
How you think about yourself informs others how they should think about you (and themselves). Remember that you are doing your best; that is more than good enough.
The same goes for sacrificing your happiness for others – this doesn't work and doesn't do you or anyone else good, for that matter! Imagine finding out your bright, beautiful child thinks they aren't good enough and that they are letting people down by not constantly being 'on call' for them. Of course, you would chat with them and review all the evidence that this isn't true.
It's time to start doing that for yourself.
Counselling therapy can help. You'll feel calmer and happier and can be present for the people around you.
Counselling with me can help you work through parenting and family issues. If you struggle with parenting while looking after yourself and are ready for change, please get in touch. I'm based in Peacehaven, between Brighton and Eastbourne, but I work online, meaning we can talk wherever you are.