March 2025

It’s not uncommon for a parent to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and unsure, and this doesn’t go away when your child starts to move into adolescence. You face unique challenges: managing mood swings and school pressures, as well as navigating their (and your own) screen time and need for increasing independence.

Despite this, many parents and carers hesitate to seek support for themselves. But if you’re struggling with communication, worried about your child’s well-being, or simply looking for ways to restore a little calm to your home, counselling can provide the support you need, tailored specifically to your and your family’s needs.

Counselling for parents gives you a practical, non-judgemental space to talk through your concerns, find new strategies and approaches and rebuild your confidence in your parenting.

You might consider counselling for a variety of reasons:

You might feel overwhelmed, stressed or burnt out trying to juggle your family’s needs alongside your own.
You may be experiencing conflict or struggling to communicate effectively with your teen or pre-teenager.
You could be worried about your child’s mental health, how they’re managing school pressures or difficulties with friendships.
If your child is going through a tough time, it’s natural for you to feel the impact, too. Add to this the usual dose of parental guilt and self-doubt, and you can be left feeling pretty hopeless and not sure how to manage.
Major life transitions, such as separation, blended families, or loss, can also add to the challenge.

No matter what’s making parenting feel difficult right now, seeking support is a positive step forward.

What Counselling Support for Parents Offers You

First and foremost, counselling is your time to discuss what’s worrying you and any challenges you face. It might seem a bit of a trope to say it’s a non-judgemental and safe space, but this is fundamentally what counselling is.
You’ll leave your sessions with practical tools and techniques for managing difficult situations and improving your communication, which will strengthen your relationships.
You’ll find ways to look after yourself by setting appropriate boundaries and managing stress. After all, how can you truly be there for the people who need you when you’re feeling wrung out and thoroughly depleted?
It’s important to acknowledge that you’re not alone in finding parenting preteen and teenage kids challenging. Parenting an adolescent can often feel isolating, and there are fewer opportunities to connect with other parents, unlike when your children were small and in primary school. Understanding typical behaviour during this stage helps you recognise common struggles, making the journey easier.

How is Counselling Different from General Parenting Advice?

Why go to a counsellor about parenting when you can find general advice online? While there is a place for researching and potentially finding communities facing similar experiences, counselling for parenting offers something different. It isn’t just about behaviour management, it’s where you can talk about and explore how you’re feeling and explore any underlying issues that might be making this stage extra tricky for you. You get the chance to reflect and gain a new perspective on the areas of parenting you’re finding challenging. The support is tailored and specific to you, your child and your situation instead of one-size-fits-all advice.

Common Misconceptions About Counselling for Parents

“Counselling is only for when you’re really struggling” It can also be a proactive way to check in and keep up-to-date.
“I should be able to handle this on my own” Seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.
“The focus is only on me.” While this is your time, it’s also about finding ways to improve the dynamics in your family, not just individual support.

Could Counselling Help You with Your Parenting?

Are you feeling stuck in a non-stop cycle of frustration and arguments?
Do you feel constantly worried, stressed and drained physically and emotionally?
Are you unsure of how to support your child around a specific issue?
Are you ready for things to feel calmer at home and for connections in your family to be stronger?
Are you ready and motivated for a positive change?

Then, yes, it sounds like counselling could help you!

Parenting has its ups and downs, and everyone can benefit from some support along the way. Counselling can give you the space, tools and confidence to navigate these challenges, helping you feel more in control and connected with your child. If you’re ready for a positive change, taking that first step towards support could make all the difference.

Seeing your child grow up and move from childhood into adolescence and beyond is a bittersweet experience for most parents and carers. On the one hand, you see them develop into their own person, trying new things, making new friends and navigating the ups and downs of secondary school like a champ. On the other hand, you may feel a pang of nostalgia for the relationship you once had, where they relied on you for everything, from picking out their socks to bandaging a scraped knee when they’ve taken a tumble. Instead of asking for your help, they want to work things out on their own—even if it means making mistakes along the way.

The reality is that letting go of your child as they grow up is challenging, and trying to find the right balance between giving them their independence whilst maintaining that all-important connection is a struggle many parents and carers experience. Gradually letting go and finding increased independence are vital parts of adolescence. Your teenage child needs autonomy if they are to develop confidence, the skills they need to make decisions, and the flexibility to bounce back from life’s ups and downs.

So, why does this shift toward independence happen, and why is it so important?

Why does independence matter?

Your child’s brain is developing extensively throughout their pre- and teenage years (and beyond), and part of this development naturally pushes them towards independence. This shift toward independence is completely natural—it happened to you as a teenager, too! It’s also fairly typical for parents to worry about their child’s safety, particularly when part of their learning how to be good at making decisions involves making some not-so-great decisions. There is also an element of feeling your child is turning away from you at this time, and you feel left out of your teen’s life. However, the benefits of this independence are that their self-confidence increases as they become more skilful at problem-solving, and it also allows them to be more responsible and accountable for their choices and actions.

Making the move from control to guidance

As your child grows and develops, your role as their parent must also change and evolve. Think of it as moving from the role of ‘manager’ to one of a mentor – someone to support and guide them. Rather than feeling like you’re no longer needed because you absolutely are, you can take a step back, showing them your trust. While this shift can take some time, getting used to it is vital – no one likes a micromanager, and excessive control will soon backfire.

How to set boundaries without being controlling

So, trusting your teen is essential for their independence, but how can you do that within safe limits?

Clear expectations: Structure and routines help everyone. The key is to balance this with flexibility.
Negotiation skills: Most teens love a debate, so involving them in setting boundaries makes them more likely to stick to them. That said, some rules—especially around safety—should remain non-negotiable.
Natural consequences: Let them make mistakes and learn from them. How can they work out how to do things better if someone is always jumping in and fixing them? This also goes for consequences set outside of the family unit. For example, if the school rule is that a specific pair of socks must be worn and your child gets into trouble for wearing the wrong ones, let them face the consequences from the school. I talk to many parents stressed about their kids not adhering to school rules about uniforms or make-up. Let them make their choice and then face up to the consequences set by the school. Schools are very good at setting boundaries and consequences, so let them follow through.

Keep connected

Although you’re in the process of letting them go to do their own thing and be their own person, your connection with your child doesn’t have to (nor should it) get weaker. When you are together, make the most of this time. The key is to prioritise quality of time together rather than quantity. Keep it low-pressure; it doesn’t have to be sitting down and having an intense conversation about every little thing. Check in on them when you’re giving them a lift, take the dog for a walk together, or watch a favourite program on television together (one they like watching). They will be spending more time away from you, disappearing into their rooms, and spending more time with their friends, which is part of their growth. Don’t take it personally, but keep lines of communication open.

Looking after Yourself

The best way to show your teen how to be responsible and to be able to look after themself is to recognise how you’re feeling and how your anxiety about parenting might be showing up. Being a parent as your child moves into and through adolescence is hard! But, by cutting yourself some slack and recognising this letting go as a process, you can help make this transition feel (relatively) more manageable. It’s inevitable, so if you can go with it rather than fight against it, things will feel less tense. When your teen makes mistakes, recognise this as part of their growth and show them how to let go of perfectionism by letting go of your perfectionism. Just as there’s no such thing as a perfect teenager, and you wouldn’t want that for your kid, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Focus more on long-term connection rather than short-term control.

Remember, letting go is a process – turn your focus on keeping connected with your teenager. They need you just as much as ever; it just doesn’t always look or feel like that. Trust yourself and trust your teen.

Your teen’s growing independence isn’t a sign that they don’t need you—it’s proof that you’ve done your job well.

Struggling with your teen pulling away? You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you’d like support in keeping connection strong while encouraging their independence, I’m here to help. Book a session or explore more resources HERE.