As a parent or carer to a teen or nearly teenage child, you're probably recognising just how quickly things can shift and change with them. You may have found that your relationship with them is also changing, and you're wondering why you don't feel as close as you once did. You're not alone in feeling this! It's a typical and to-be-expected part of life with an adolescent. It might not always feel like it, but it's so important that your teenager feels connected with you during this time - they need to feel you present in their life. Being in the same room isn't enough—you need a deeper connection to strengthen parent-teen relationships. But please don't feel this is an impossible task; it's about quality time with teens rather than quantity.
It can feel hard enough to remember what they're doing and where they are, so how can you make the most of the time you spend together?
Why Quality Time is Important
- Quality time together helps strengthen the connections, empathy and trust between you and your child. It gives them (and you!) a strong foundation that makes all the difference during the ups and downs of the teen years.
- Teenagers often mirror their parents' behaviours and values. Your teenager is watching and learning from you—more than you may realise. By keeping connected with them, you're giving them a tangible, practical example of a positive and healthy relationship.
- A significant part of being a teen is experiencing emotions and stress - more intensely than adults do. When you proactively connect and engage with your child, you're letting them know you have their back, meaning they feel more supported and less isolated.
Tips for Spending Quality Time
- Think about regular activities you can enjoy doing together. Again, small things can make all the difference here — you might take the dog for a walk in the evening or watch an episode of a light comedy you both enjoy. This is time together without intensity or anything too heavy and is a relatively quick win for connecting.
- Involving your teen in your interests, whether it's working on a car, baking or break dancing. Let them see you paying attention to what you enjoy rather than keeping the focus on them.
- Show a genuine interest in the activities they enjoy. This might be sport, dance, or gaming. If you struggle to show an interest in watching someone on YouTube playing Roblox, remember why you're doing this - to show them that their world matters to you.
- Ask about their day at school, feelings about a recent event, or thoughts on a current issue—anything to open a conversation with them.
Tip: Some/most kids don’t open up easily when asked about their day at school. Think about your timing for this - it's not unusual for teens to be tired at the end of the school day, so give them time to decompress. Try asking them how their friends are finding school. This can make it easier for them to engage in a conversation. When they are speaking, let them lead the discussion and listen without judgment. There’s no need to jump in with a potential solution or your opinion; the idea here is to help build trust and open up communication.
Benefits of Quality Time
When you connect with your teen, they feel supported, which makes all the difference to their well-being and mental health.
Challenges to Being Present
Balancing work responsibilities with family life can be challenging, but prioritising quality time to engage with your teen will be worth it. Make the most of your time with them by minimising distractions like smartphones and social media. This goes for you as much as them! Put your devices down and focus on being present with them - a few minutes of being present with teenagers can honestly make all the difference.
Your teen will definitely notice and appreciate your efforts to connect, even though it may not look like it from the outside! I have been working with young people for a long time, and I can assure you that they do notice and they love it. Also, don't underestimate the positive impact this will have on your well-being. When supporting teenage mental health, you also support your well-being. It really is a win-win situation. Remember that the effort you put into the relationship now will pay off in the long run, with a strong bond lasting well beyond their teen years.
Give some thought to how you can connect with your tween or teenage child. Remember, it's about quality time, not just quantity. How often are you truly engaged and present with your child? Reflecting on this and taking proactive steps can make all the difference to your relationship.
As an added bonus, these tips for parents of teens about building connections also work in other relationships with people you care about. Give it a try and see the difference!
Are you struggling to find ways to connect with your teenage child? Are you worried about your relationship with them? Being a parent or carer when your child hits puberty can be hard! It's okay to reach out for additional support to help you be the best possible resource for your child. Work with me to help you rediscover your emotional connection with your teens. You and your child will find ways to reconnect, build stronger bonds, and generally feel more positive about your relationship. Let's talk.