Author: jenny.warwick27@gmail.com

Do you ever look at your partner across the dinner table and wonder when you last really talked about anything other than the kids? Routine has replaced excitement; the daily grind has replaced the fun, spontaneous moments you used to share, leaving you feeling more like good friends who are co-parenting than a couple in love.

It isn’t just the early years of parenting that can put a strain on your relationship; raising tweens and teens brings its own unique challenges, which can leave you feeling distant from one another. You might find yourself caught up in managing school stress, mood swings, screen time battles, or late-night worries, and the last thing you feel like doing is having a deep conversation. If you’ve noticed that you and your partner seem more like co-parents or flatmates than romantic partners lately, you’re not alone.

What is the Reality?

It’s more common than you might realise for couples to feel less connected during certain phases of parenting, and especially with tween and teenage kids. You are not alone if you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners around this time.

Why Does This Happen?

• Divided attention: A significant amount of energy is dedicated to your kids, especially if they’re struggling or going through significant changes.
• Different parenting styles: Friction can arise when your parenting approaches differ from your partner’s, especially if you aren’t communicating about it.
• Stress and exhaustion: Everyone is short on time, patience, and emotional reserves.
• Shift in priorities: Your relationship as a couple can end up at the bottom of your list.

So what does disconnection actually look like in everyday life?

What Are Signs of Disconnection

• You feel more like housemates or teammates than partners.
• You’re spending less and less quality time together as a couple with minimal (if any) physical affection.
• You get irritable over small things, which leads to tension.
• You’re both avoiding difficult conversations and withdrawing emotionally.

You might find yourselves barely speaking beyond logistics, like “Who’s picking them up?” or “Did they do their homework?” Evenings might pass with one of you glued to a screen and the other scrolling in bed. Or maybe you’re snapping at each other over small things, like who’s emptied the dishwasher, while avoiding the bigger conversations altogether.

What is the Impact of this?

Resentment builds, and miscommunication becomes more common, leading to ongoing disconnection. It can also affect how supported each of you feels (as parents and as partners) and how you are able to manage parenting challenges.

There are things you can do to help, though, and they don’t have to be big. Small shifts can make a big difference.

What Can Help

• Name it kindly: Address the disconnection but without placing blame. Try something like, “I’ve been missing you lately,” instead of jumping into a list of complaints.
• Short moments of connection can rebuild closeness over time: Even a few minutes of genuine connection can shift how you both feel. You could make your partner a cup of tea, for example, or take a moment for a quick check-in with a simple, “How’s it going?”.
• Back each other up: Show solidarity in front of the kids. Save your disagreements for private discussion. This doesn’t mean pretending to agree – just staying aligned in front of the kids where possible.
• Appreciate each other out loud: Acknowledge and name the little things to help rebuild gratitude and warm feelings towards each other.
• Agree on one shared boundary or value with the kids: this can help reduce conflict and build a sense of unity.
• Even laughing together at a silly meme can break the tension.

When to Seek Support

If feelings of disconnection are persistent or painful and are impacting your mental health, relationships, or family dynamics, counselling can help. This might be as a couple or individual counselling for yourself. Just finding a way to discuss your feelings openly with the other parent can help.

Feeling disconnected doesn’t mean you’re failing your partner or your relationship, but it can be a sign that you’re both under pressure. Small, consistent steps can help rebuild connections and make you feel more supported as a team. If you’d like some space to talk things through and find a way forward, counselling can provide a safe and supportive place to do so—whether on your own or together as a couple.

Find out more about Counselling for Parents HERE.

Our teenage years are when we really start figuring out who we are. Experimenting with appearance is a key part of self-expression and identity development. Trying out different looks helps teens explore different versions of themselves as they work out what feels authentic.

It’s also a time when peer influence is especially strong. Teens are often seeking their ‘tribe‘ – a sense of belonging and acceptance. Think back to youth subcultures like goths, punks, or emo kids, where identity was often expressed clearly through clothing, hair, and accessories.

You may remember being told, “You’re not going out dressed like that!” or “You’ll freeze – put a coat on!” It’s nothing new – but it can still be jarring to hear those same words coming out of your own mouth, or even just catching yourself thinking, “What are they wearing?!”

Why It Can Feel So Hard

It’s completely normal to feel protective or worried. You might worry that your teen’s choices reflect badly on them – or on you. It can bring up clashes in values, concerns about safety, or fears that they’re growing up too fast.

What’s Typical – And What to Keep an Eye On

Things like short skirts, crop tops, dyed hair, and piercings are usually a normal phase – a part of growing up and testing boundaries. Even bold or dramatic styles are often just another form of healthy exploration.

That said, here are a few signs to gently keep an eye on:

• Sudden or dramatic changes in appearance that seem out of character
• Constantly seeking reassurance or approval – for example, “Do I look OK?” or frequent outfit checks for social media
• Self-critical comments like “I’m ugly” or “I’ll never look like them”
• Avoiding social situations unless they feel they ‘look perfect’
• Using heavy makeup, dramatic styles, or specific looks as a mask or armour
• Body image concerns affecting mood, confidence, or behaviour
• Appearance choices that seem more about fitting in or avoiding rejection than genuine self-expression

Many teens also draw inspiration from influencers or social media trends, and comparisons can be hard to avoid. This can shape not only their style, but also their self-esteem.

How to Keep Cool and Stay Connected

• Lead with curiosity, not criticism. Ask open questions like, “I noticed you’ve gone for a different look – what do you like about it?”
• Avoid shaming or power struggles over clothing choices
• Talk about practicalities and safety (like piercing care or dressing for the weather), rather than framing it as a moral issue
• Emphasise body autonomy – young people need to know they have a right to wear what makes them feel comfortable, regardless of others’ opinions

Setting Boundaries With Compassion

It’s OK to have some limits – for example, when it comes to school rules or safety – but try to explain these with empathy, rather than control. As ever, pick your battles. Is that skirt length or those socks really worth a showdown?

Ask Yourself: What’s Driving Your Reaction?

Is this really about your teen’s wellbeing? Or is it touching something from your own experiences? Think back to the messages you received about modesty, body image, or “dressing appropriately” as a child.

It’s OK for you to have a reaction – but the goal is to respond, not react.

Final Thoughts

Supporting your teen’s self-expression doesn’t mean letting go of all boundaries. It means finding a way to balance independence with guidance, so they can develop self-respect and feel good about their choices.

Open communication, curiosity, and calm connection will help them feel secure in who they’re becoming. And remember – most teens eventually grow out of the “shock factor” phase. What stays with them is how we responded.

If you’re finding it difficult to navigate your teen’s changing appearance or feeling unsure how to respond, you’re not alone.

This is something you can explore through counselling – whether in a single session or through ongoing support. Together, we can help you feel more confident, calm, and connected with your teen.

Get in touch HERE.

Sleep matters. It shapes mood, concentration, energy levels, and the overall atmosphere at home.

If your teen (or nearly teenage child) seems to be struggling with sleep — going to bed later and finding it hard to wake up in the morning — you’re not alone. It can feel frustrating and concerning to watch them delay bedtime or stay up late gaming, chatting with friends, or endlessly scrolling on their phone. But teen sleep problems are more common than many parents realise.

So, what causes these sleep struggles, and how can you, as a parent or caregiver, support your teen or tween in getting the quality and quantity of sleep they need to start their day feeling rested?

Why Teens Struggle with Sleep

Biological Changes

As teens move through puberty, their body clock naturally shifts to a later schedule. The release of melatonin (the hormone that helps us fall asleep) is delayed in adolescence, meaning they simply don’t feel sleepy until much later at night.

Academic and Social Pressures

The increasing demands of secondary school — homework, exams, and extracurricular activities — extend the day well beyond school hours. On top of this is the ever-present FOMO (fear of missing out), with pressure to stay socially connected often leading to late-night messaging that keeps them awake.

Impact of Screen Time

No surprise here: social media and gaming can overstimulate the brain. Plus, the blue light from screens interferes with melatonin production, making it harder to wind down and fall asleep.

Overthinking and Anxiety

Bedtime often becomes the moment worries surface — about friendships, school, family relationships, or what the future might hold. For many young people, it’s the quietest part of the day, when anxious thoughts come rushing in.

Inconsistent Routines

Irregular sleep and wake times — especially at weekends — can disrupt your teen’s internal clock and make it harder to establish a consistent, healthy sleep pattern.

How Parents Can Help

Model Good Sleep Habits

Your teen notices how you manage (or don’t manage!) your own rest. These tips might benefit your sleep too — and modelling balance sends a strong message.

Talk About Sleep (Without Nagging)

Nagging rarely works. Instead, be curious and open. Talk with your teen to understand their perspective, and help them notice how sleep affects their mood, energy, and focus.

Work Towards Small, Realistic Changes

Gradual changes work best. Expecting your teen to switch from midnight bedtimes to 10 p.m. won’t go well for anyone. Try small steps — even 15 minutes earlier can make a difference.

Encourage a Wind-Down Routine

Suggest 30 to 60 minutes of screen-free time before bed. Teens often understand the effects of screen time, even if they resist change. Help them explore calming alternatives, such as reading, listening to music, or taking a warm shower.

Help Them Manage Stress and Worries

Bedtime isn’t the best time for problem-solving. Journaling or talking through concerns during the day can help reduce nighttime overthinking and support better sleep.

Support Consistent Wake-Up Times

It’s tempting for teens to sleep in on weekends, but waking up at roughly the same time each day helps regulate sleep. Avoid turning this into a power struggle — gentle encouragement (like opening their door and letting household sounds drift in) can go a long way.

When to Seek Extra Support

Your teen’s sleep struggles aren’t laziness or defiance — they’re a regular part of adolescence.

If you’re concerned that your teen is experiencing persistent insomnia or extreme fatigue that’s affecting their well-being, mood, or school attendance, it may be time to seek extra support.

Counselling can help you explore what’s going on and find practical, personalised ways forward for you and your teen.

If sleep challenges are creating stress at home, I can help. Visit my Let’s Talk page to book a brief phone chat and see whether counselling could be a good fit.

Are you wondering why your once-chatty daughter suddenly wants more space, less advice, and more independence? It can feel like one day, she’s your little buddy, telling you every little thing about her day, and the next, it’s eye-rolls and closed doors. It’s common for fathers to feel confused, hurt, or rejected by these changes, and as a dad, you may wonder where you stand with your teen or tween daughter. If this is you, you’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone in feeling this. The truth is, both your daughter and your relationship with her are changing. And there’s a way through.

The Shifting Father–Daughter Dynamic

In early childhood, many fathers experience a close, protective bond with their daughters. But as your daughter reaches adolescence, this bond often shifts, which can feel unsettling. You may notice your daughter becoming more private, moody, dismissive or wanting more distance. This is a totally natural and to-be-expected developmental need for independence and a search for identity. And while it can feel like rejection, your presence and support still matter, just in a different way. Try not to confuse silence or withdrawal with a lack of love or respect.

Your Protective Instinct (and Why It Might Backfire)

You may feel tempted to respond to this shift by imposing more rules or restrictions. And while your intention might be from a caring place, wanting to keep your daughter safe, overprotection can feel controlling or suggest that you don’t trust your teenager. Even though it’s unintentional, overprotection can come across as “I don’t trust you to make safe choices”, leading to secrecy, defiance or, worse, her becoming more emotionally distant. The message your teen actually needs from you is, “I trust you, you’ve got this, and I’m here if you need me.”

What Daughters Really Need From Their Dads

• Emotional availability: not fixing or advising, just being there.
• Respect for her growing independence while still offering a safety net.
• A steady presence: not taking mood swings or distance personally.
• Quiet belief in her capabilities, especially in times when she doubts herself.
• Boundaries that feel fair and are discussed openly rather than imposed on her.

How to Stay Close When She Wants More Space

• Maintain a low-pressure connection: walking the dog, building with Lego or sharing a series.
• Check-in without interrogating: “How’s your week been going?” works better than “Tell me everything that happened at school.”
• Be open to deeper conversations, but don’t force them – teens will talk when they’re ready. The key is to be ready, too.
• Notice the small bids for connection: even a casual comment or eye-roll might be an invitation to engage.
• Share something small about your day: this models openness and gives her an easy way to connect.
• Keep offering invitations: even if she doesn’t always accept them, it shows her that you care without crowding her.

Communicating Without Pushing Her Away

• Don’t use blanket bans, like “You’re not allowed”. Explain your reasoning and any safety concerns instead.
• Use “I” statements, such as: “I feel worried when I don’t know where you are,“ rather than “You never tell me anything.”
• Invite collaboration by saying, “Help me to understand, and then maybe we can work something out together.”
• Be curious rather than combative; asking, “What makes that important to you?“ is more effective than saying, “Absolutely not.”
• Avoid sarcasm or put-downs – teens are sensitive to tone, even if they don’t show it.
• Model the kind of communication you want: calm, respectful and reflective.

Navigating Risk and Boundaries

One of the most important jobs of an adolescent is to test limits. You did it, I did it, and your teen does it – it is how we humans learn. So, with that in mind, set clear and reasonable expectations, but leave space for mistakes or “learning opportunities”, as I like to call them. Encourage honest conversations about peer pressure, online safety and making mistakes without passing judgment. Show her how to manage errors and take responsibility; this is an essential part of healthy risk-taking.

Be open about how you’re feeling and your concerns for her, but offer guidance rather than ultimatums; otherwise, you’re just setting yourself (and her) up for disappointment. And make it crystal clear that she can always come to you, especially when things go wrong.

The push for independence is usually temporary. Try to keep your focus on the relationship in the long term, not just the latest argument or mood swing.

If things feel particularly strained, it’s okay to seek support. Counselling offers dads like you a chance to talk through worries, frustrations, and how to navigate this next phase of parenting with confidence.

And if you’re navigating puberty-related changes, like periods, you might also find my free resource helpful:

No Big Deal: A Dad’s Guide to Understanding and Talking About Periods

It’s a short, practical guide designed to help dads support their daughters through this important (and often awkward) part of growing up, with confidence and ease.  You can download the PDF HERE.

Your relationship with your daughter doesn’t have to fade during the teen years – it just needs to grow with her. By staying steady, open, and connected, you’re giving her a sense of safety and belief in herself that will stay with her long after adolescence.

Has your adult child moved back home, leaving you wondering what this new ‘normal’ will look like? With rising housing costs and changing job markets, an increasing number of young adults in their mid-to-late 20s are returning to live with their parents. As this typically occurs after they’ve experienced a taste of independence, these individuals are sometimes known as the boomerang generation. This brings unexpected changes to family dynamics, especially when everyone is adjusting to new roles under the same roof again.

Why are young adults returning home?

Back in the day, the typical life trajectory followed a pattern of completing school, moving out for work or uni, getting married, and having kids. Maybe this is the route your life took. But this is no longer the norm. It is now quite common for young adults to return home and live with their parents for an extended period after finishing their full-time education. There are multiple reasons for this, such as finishing university, job changes or redundancy, facing mental health challenges or burnout and (I’m sure you don’t need me to remind you) the current cost of living crisis is putting a strain on everyone.  

A shift in roles and expectations is natural, given the change from parenting your child or teenager to sharing your space with an adult, which can cause tension. You’re no longer managing their life, but you are sharing a home, and it’s not unexpected to feel caught between wanting to help without hovering, leaving you feeling like you’re walking a tightrope. Plus, it’s all too easy for old habits to reappear on both sides. They no longer need you to set curfews, expect to know where they are or do their laundry.

Common sources of tension:

• Differing routines and standards (e.g. tidiness, noise, house guests)
• Financial contributions – should they pay rent or not?
• Independence vs. involvement – what’s respectful support vs. intrusion?
• Sibling dynamics (if other children are still at home)

Strategies for peaceful co-living

So, what are some practical strategies to make co-living more seamless?

• Initiate a conversation early: Have a discussion with your adult child as soon as possible. Work with them to set clear expectations together rather than just imposing rules.
• Agree on contributions: Be specific and clearly define who is responsible for household chores, financial contributions, meal planning and other shared responsibilities.
• Respect independence: They are adults now, with established lives and routines. Resist the urge to treat them in the same way you used to – they don’t need parenting any more.
• Communicate openly: Why not schedule regular check-ins to discuss what’s working as well as what’s not going so well? Don’t wait for issues to come up before addressing them.
• Set boundaries kindly: Everyone in the home should have clearly defined boundaries in place around their personal space, routines and privacy.

Looking After Yourself

Having an adult child move back home can bring a complex mix of emotions – connection, pride, frustration, and sometimes even grief for the space and freedom you once had. It’s a big transition, and it’s completely normal to find it challenging.

You might feel torn between wanting to support your child and needing to redefine your own role at home. It can also stir up old emotions or unexpected stress, especially as you all adjust to new routines, expectations, and ways of living together.

Give yourself the space and time you need to navigate this adjustment. If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, you don’t have to manage it alone – talking to a friend, partner, or counsellor can really help.

Setting clear boundaries, sharing responsibilities, and checking in regularly can make a real difference to the atmosphere at home. And don’t forget to look after your own wellbeing in the process—this is a new chapter for you too. If you’d like some support to help you find clarity, feel more confident, and move forward with ease, I’d love to help. Please feel free to get in touch and schedule a booking check-in call here.

The pressure on teens to be ‘perfect’ is not new. They need to stand out, but not too much, to succeed in school, complete their homework, and participate in extracurricular activities, all while getting along with their peers, parents, and other adults around them. It also involves carrying a hidden weight that is hard for parents to spot. Whilst it’s not unusual for teens to want to excel academically, fit in with their peers, and feel good about how they present themselves, for some young people, the drive to succeed can easily tip into a more intense and unrelenting pressure to be perfect. 

Perfectionism in teens may manifest as a constant drive for better grades, maintaining an attractive and immaculate appearance on social media, or simply a desire to avoid disappointment. This kind of pressure is overwhelming, affecting everything from self-esteem to sleep, and, in some cases, can lead to anxiety or burnout.

What are some common signs that your teen might be struggling with perfectionism? Where is this pressure coming from, and – most importantly – what can you do to support them in finding balance, confidence, and being a bit kinder to themselves? 

Signs Your Teen Might Be Struggling with Perfectionism

• Fear of failure or intense reaction to even the smallest mistakes.
• Procrastination (how can I start when I know it’s not going to be perfect?).
• Spending excessive time and headspace on schoolwork or appearance.
• Constant self-criticism and low self-esteem.
• Mood swings, anxiety or issues with sleep.
• Constantly seeking reassurance and praise for every little thing.
• Withdrawing socially or from hobbies they once enjoyed.

Where the Pressure Comes From

• Many young people feel pressure from academic expectations, where failure is not an option and high grades must be achieved if they are to stand any chance of succeeding. Peer pressure involves another form of conformity, where individuals conform to fit in or to look or act in a certain way. This may sound familiar from your teenage experience, but it is now relentlessly amplified to the max by social media. Like it or not, your teenager is exposed to the constant comparison to curated lives and a culture of ‘likes’. 
• While you want only the best for your child, even unspoken parental expectations can feel heavy on young people. It’s worth considering the expectations you set for yourself as a parent. Your teen picks up on how you speak to yourself and respond to your own mistakes. The truth is no one is perfect, and, honestly, your kids don’t need you to be. They just need you to be present.

The Impact on Mental Health

There is a definite connection between perfectionism and mental health concerns, such as anxiety, depression and burnout. A constant feeling of never being good enough takes its toll, and for the developing brain, the impact of chronic stress is significant, let alone what it’s doing to your teen’s view of themselves. 

How Parents and Carers Can Help

Encourage open conversations about experiences and feelings so your teen feels comfortable sharing what’s happening in their life. When they express unhelpful thought patterns, such as berating themselves for receiving a ‘B’ on a test and calling themselves stupid, acknowledge their disappointment. Help them to recognise the effort they’ve put in and consider what they might do differently next time. Keep the focus on progress and effort rather than just the outcome to help them set realistic goals.

Final Thought

Perfectionism can quietly wear down teens, even when it stems from a genuine desire to excel. As a parent, your support, encouragement, and acceptance can make a huge difference.

If you’re worried your teen is under pressure or struggling to cope, you don’t have to work it out alone.

Get in touch to book an initial call session or find out how I can help.

Is One Session Enough? Here’s How to Decide

You don’t have to commit to multiple sessions from the start. Beginning with just one session to see how it feels is a great way to begin.

Many parents often wonder if they need one session or ongoing support. There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach – what works for you depends on your specific situation and goals.

This blog aims to help you determine the best option for you.

1. What Can a Single Session Help With?

A single session is ideal for addressing specific issues, such as a recent argument, a work-related concern, or seeking reassurance about a particular problem. It can help you gain clarity, feel validated, and build confidence in your next steps. This option is particularly beneficial for those who prefer short-term, solution-focused support.

2. When Ongoing Support Might Be More Helpful

• If the challenges you’re facing are recurring or long-standing rather than a one-off situation.
• When emotions (yours or those around you) feel overwhelming or hard to manage.
• If you’re stuck in unhelpful patterns, such as communication breakdowns or constant conflict.

Regular sessions allow space for reflection, trial and error, and gradual, long-lasting changes.

3. The Benefits of Ongoing Support for Parents

Parenting a tween or teen involves many ups and downs, and having a regular space to talk things through can make a significant difference. Many parents find that regular check-ins help build confidence over time rather than merely addressing one issue at a time. Many parents find that having these consistent conversations makes them feel calmer, more in control, and better prepared to support their children.

4. What If I’m Still Unsure How Many Sessions I Need?

You don’t have to commit to multiple sessions from the start. Beginning with just one session to see how it feels is a good approach. It’s perfectly fine to take it one session at a time and make decisions as you go along. The most important thing is to focus on what feels helpful and supportive for you.

Whether it’s one session or several, we’ll work together to find the pace and approach that best suits you.

Ready to get started?

Click HERE to book a short check-in call — a chance to ask questions and decide if this is the right fit for you.

We all know talking things through helps – it gives us space to process and reminds us that we’re not alone. But what happens when your teenager goes quiet? When you know they’re going through something, but getting more than two syllables feels like a win, how do you support them then?

When you see your child struggling, but they won’t or can’t let you know what is going on, how can you help? While this is not an uncommon experience for parents of teens and nearly teenagers (it’s not just you!), it is still a challenge. And how do you manage your own emotions around this? You can feel frustrated and hurt when your child seems to have gone inward and shut you out. 

Why Do Teens Go Quiet?

Whilst your child not opening up or speaking to you is upsetting for parents, it is not necessarily a sign that something has gone terribly wrong. It is part and parcel of the developmental changes of adolescence. 

• The search for independence starts early in the tween years (ages 9 to 12). It’s when you might first notice them pulling away or needing more privacy. It’s part of growing up, and it includes a need for privacy that can feel like a stark change from your happy-go-lucky primary-age kid who shared anything and everything with you. 
• Adolescents’ brains are changing, and their prefrontal cortex is developing (the part of our brains that deals with decision-making, thinking and planning). This means that emotions are often in the driver’s seat.
• Because your teenager’s brain is a work in progress, they are more prone to emotional overwhelm and less likely to have the language or confidence to express complex feelings.

What about your feelings?

How about my emotional overwhelm and complex feelings? I hear you ask.

It’s not personal (even if it feels that way)

Whilst it can feel very personal, it often isn’t. Your teen’s silence might leave you feeling rejected or shut out, but it doesn’t always mean they’re angry or don’t like you anymore. It doesn’t mean your relationship is over or that they’ll always feel this way.

Often, when your teenager goes quiet, they’re trying to make sense of what’s happening. That kind of inner work takes time and space.

I also often hear from the young people I work with that they don’t want to burden their parents. They sense the worry and want to protect you from it, so they keep quiet.

Common triggers for disconnection:

• Feeling judged or misunderstood.
• Repeating the same old arguments and high tension.
• Pressure to open up before they’re ready.

How to Encourage More Connection

• Let them know you’re available and there for them without pushing them to talk.
• Timing is everything! Pick a time when you can have a more casual conversation – in the car can work well for this, or during a walk. A direct ‘we need to talk‘ isn’t conducive to a chat.
• Listen more than you speak. Hold back, at least initially, on offering advice or solutions so there’s room for them to talk. 
• Use questions that open up the conversation. For example: ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been quiet – is everything OK?‘ Asking closed questions shuts things down: “Why are you always in a mood?”.
• Don’t underestimate the power of validating their feelings, even when you don’t fully understand them.

When to Worry (and What to Do)

Trust your instincts – they will tell you if a situation is ‘off‘ or of concern. Look out for changes or behaviours that go beyond the typical emotional wobbles associated with adolescence. For example, if you notice sudden changes in your child’s mood, withdrawal from friends or struggling to engage with school, don’t feel like you have to handle this alone; reach out for support from family, friends or your child’s school. Counselling can also be an excellent resource for parents and carers. 

It’s important to recognise that all relationships experience highs and lows, including the one you have with your child. Even when you feel like your relationship has lost its way, you can rebuild communication with your teen through patience, warmth and consistency. Though it might not look like it, even when your teen isn’t talking to you, they are still listening and noticing.

Struggling to reconnect with your tween or teen? You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

Even a single counselling session can help you understand what’s going on beneath the silence and give you practical tools to support your child and yourself.

If you’d like to explore how I can support you, you’re very welcome to get in touch here.

Have you ever found yourself wondering what on earth it is that’s preventing your teen or pre-teenage child from getting things done? Why do they always leave their homework to the last minute, only to turn into a stressed-out whirlwind of anxiety as they yell at you for something you’re not quite sure about but appears to be entirely your fault? Even though you’ve been constantly ‘reminding’ them about this assignment for the past week (if not longer).

Welcome to the world of teen procrastination, where the next stop is ‘Yeah, I’ll do it in a minute’.

Why do teenagers procrastinate?

Recognising what’s going on in your adolescent’s brain at this stage is key to understanding and approaching this. During adolescence, the part of the brain responsible for planning and decision-making is under considerable development, making it difficult for them to work out where to start and how to break them down into more manageable steps. No wonder they get overwhelmed.

Also, if they don’t see the point of a task, they’re less likely to feel motivated to complete it and, therefore, are more likely to procrastinate. Given the choice between geography homework on arable farming and checking Instagram, you can guess which option they’ll be drawn to.

The parent trap (what not to do)

• Nagging and constantly reminding: This just leads to resistance (from them) and resentment (for them and you).
• Taking over the task: A fundamental part of being a teenager is learning about and developing problem-solving skills. They don’t learn this when you do it for them, just because they find it hard.
• Punishing without understanding: This does not address the root cause of their avoidance and is, therefore, not helpful.

If you’ve fallen into any of these traps before, don’t worry; you are not alone! The good news is that small tweaks in how you approach this can make a big difference.

Practical ways you can help your teen 

•  Break it down: Help them split tasks into smaller steps.
• Use “when and then”: “When you finish your homework, then you can go on your phone.”
• Teach time management skills: Set a timer — 20 minutes or so — so they focus on the task (no phones or distractions) and see how much they get done. The goal is the amount of time rather than the amount of work done or the number of words written. Look up the Pomodoro Technique — it’s honestly a game-changer.
• Encourage them to find a routine: For example, your teen might come home, have a snack, do 20 to 40 minutes of homework and then gain uninterrupted access to YouTube for half an hour.
• Create external motivation: Because of where they are developmentally, your teenager is more motivated by a tangible reward than longer-term goal setting. Saying, “Writing about arable farming will help you get into the university course you want”, is not a strong motivator for the teen mind. Recognition and genuine praise work much better, such as “You made arable farming sound really interesting!” or privileges they can earn, like 30 minutes of uninterrupted YouTube time if they get 40 minutes of focused work done.
• Encourage them to find potential solutions: “What would make this feel easy to get going?” rather than “Why aren’t you doing this?”

Choose support over control

The jump to secondary school is big for your kids, and schoolwork and homework don’t tend to get any easier. Empathise with your teen or pre-teen and recognise that they are struggling with this task. Expecting them to get on with it is not helping them find their way through.

You can show them how you manage procrastination yourself (set that 20-minute timer – it’s how I’m writing this article you’re reading right now!). Break tasks into smaller chunks and create a distraction-free environment. And let them experience natural consequences where possible. So, if they don’t get their assignment done, they will face the consequences from school. Let them handle the outcome (within reason). Schools are very good at setting expectations and consequences, so let them.

Focusing more on how you can support your teen rather than trying to control them can help them build essential coping skills. Your teen isn’t procrastinating because they’re lazy or unmotivated; they might just need some guidance to find what works for them.

Seeking extra support

Some adolescents’ procrastination may be related to a perfectionist tendency, a fear of failing or not doing things “right.” If you feel your child’s procrastination goes beyond “typical” teenage behaviour and could be linked to underlying anxiety, perfectionism or ADHD, they might need extra support and strategies to help them manage.

If you notice that procrastination is causing significant distress and leading to meltdowns, school avoidance or constant battles at home, professional support can help. Counselling can help your teen understand their challenges, build confidence and develop techniques for working through procrastination in a way that works for them.

Being there for your teen when they are procrastinating can be frustrating and exhausting. Counselling for parents can help you find practical strategies to put in place, improve communication with your teen and support them whilst looking after yourself.

If you’re feeling stuck or unsure how to help your teen stay motivated and on track, you don’t have to work it out alone. I offer supportive, practical counselling for parents of tweens and teens – whether you want a one-off session or ongoing support.
Book your 10-minute Booking Check-In Call HERE or get in touch to learn more.

Has your teen or nearly teenage child recently come out as trans or started to question their gender identity? You might be feeling a mix of surprise, worry, confusion or even relief if you’ve had a sense that something was going on. Whether you’ve wondered about this for a while or it’s come completely out of the blue, it’s normal to need some time to process what your child is telling you.

First, be proud of your kid (and yourself) that they felt safe to share this with you. They have shown that they trust you and can be honest with you. Let them know how glad and proud you are that they have come to you with this, and reassure them that they have done the right thing in telling you. Be clear that this will not in any way change how much you love them. There’s nothing wrong with being trans. What matters most is that your child feels safe, loved and accepted.

Be open and supportive, remembering that this is a process you will work through together over time. Coming out as LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and/or questioning) is daunting! You can’t tell your teenager what their gender identity should be, but you can be there alongside them as they start to work this out for themselves. Listen to them and reassure them that you are 100% on their side.

What if I’m unsure how permanent this is?

Our identities grow and evolve over time, particularly in adolescence, so trust that your child will sort this out in their own time and in their own way.

Most important is how your teen is treated. Leave the door open on the conversation so they can come back, talk with you, and put your relationship with them front and centre. Gender identity is not a trend or a phase; trans young people deserve to be believed, even if things change or evolve later. So don’t dismiss this as a phase; they have almost certainly thought long and hard about their gender identity. They need to know that you are listening and are taking on board what they are saying.

How do I protect them from a potentially harmful family or community response?

It’s completely normal to worry about how others might respond. Let your child know there is nothing wrong or shameful about being trans. Talk with them about how and when they might want to share their identity with others — and remind them you’re right by their side.

This current generation of young people and children is much more aware of and accepting of the trans and LGBTQ+ community than you might think. You could start a conversation by saying you’re glad they are letting you know and asking them, “Have you thought about sharing this with your friends?”

You might want to check out their school’s policies for trans students – do your homework! Learn about issues that impact the transgender community. Speak with the school (but only with your child’s permission) about how they will ensure your child will be kept safe and not bullied. Let your kid know that you will always be there to support them.

Help them stay safe, both online and out and about. Make sure you know their rights and help them understand these, too. Remind them of the support and help that is available to them and help them access it if necessary. This may be counselling, mental health support and trans youth groups at school or in the community.

Follow your teen’s lead on conversations about their gender identity and keep an open mind. Don’t make assumptions. It’s natural to want to shield your child from harm. By becoming an informed, vocal ally, you can help make the world around them safer.

When they open up to you

When your tween or teen tells you what’s happening in their life, they watch out for and gauge your reaction (more than you might think). If you feel like you weren’t quite present with what they were saying or that this caught you off guard, let them know that, apologise and remind them that you still love them unconditionally. “Nothing is wrong here. I wasn’t expecting to hear what you said, and I want you to know I am 100% supportive of you.”

• Let them know how proud you are of them and that they made the right choice to tell you. Be really clear with them that this will not change how much you love them.
• Using their chosen name and pronouns is one of the most powerful ways to show your support. It might take time to get it right – what matters is that you’re trying.
• Talking about and sharing how you’re feeling is important, too. Feeling confused, sad or worried about your child is natural. Parents can also experience feelings of loss or uncertainty. It’s valid to seek support for yourself; just be mindful not to burden your child with your emotions. Don’t forget that you can talk about this with friends, other parents or carers and, of course, with a counsellor. Be aware of and respect your child’s privacy and confidentiality.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure, you’re not alone. Parenting a trans child can bring up a lot, and you deserve support, too.

I work with parents of tweens and teens to help them feel more confident and connected. If your child has come out as trans and you’re not sure what to do next, I offer supportive one-to-one sessions to help you navigate it all. Get in touch HERE.