Have you wondered why your tween suddenly hates how they look? Why are they constantly comparing themselves with other people? And what can you say without making things worse?
When we don’t like what we see in the mirror, it can make us feel self-conscious and impact our confidence and how we relate to others.
So, how can you help your tween accept and appreciate how they look, and build a healthy, realistic body image?
What is body image?
Body image is what you think and feel about your body, including the picture you have of it in your mind.
Why can body image become such a big issue during adolescence?
Changes in appearance and body shape are a normal part of puberty, but that doesn’t mean every young person finds them easy to handle. Tweens and teens often struggle with body image because their bodies change so much in a short time.
At the same time, fitting in with friends and peers, not just in what we do but how we look, can become very important.
Feeling accepted and fitting in are important parts of adolescence, but feeling different or left out can be particularly tough at this age.
When do young people start worrying about how they look?
Body-image worries can start earlier than you might think. The 2025 Girlguiding survey found a notable increase in younger girls feeling they are not pretty enough, with 18% of 7- to 10-year-olds reporting this most of the time, up from 7% in 2016.
girlguiding-girls-attitudes-survey-2025
PDF (www.girlguiding.org.uk)
Social media and the comparison trap
Adolescence is already a time when fitting in and feeling accepted matters a lot. Social media adds a further layer by showing a constant stream of other people’s carefully curated images to compare themselves with.
Teenagers aren’t just comparing themselves with celebrities anymore. They may be comparing themselves with classmates, influencers, friends, TikTok videos, photos and even their own past selves.
Social media affects all of us, but tweens and teenagers can be particularly susceptible to developing an unrealistic perception of how they look and how they think they are supposed to look.
What looks good in a photo can look quite different in reality. Images on social media may have been altered through:
- filters, editing, carefully chosen angles and poses
- selective posting and carefully curated feeds
- influencer content, advertising and beauty trends
- algorithms repeatedly showing similar content
- AI-generated or heavily manipulated images
These images may be heavily manipulated, but that doesn’t necessarily stop young people from aspiring to look like them. Even knowing an image isn’t realistic doesn’t necessarily stop us from comparing ourselves to it.
There are positive sides to social media, too. Many body-positive and body-neutral accounts show bodies and experiences we don’t always see in mainstream media.
You don’t have to love everything about your appearance to have a healthier relationship with your body. Body neutrality takes some of the pressure away from appearance and focuses instead on accepting our bodies and appreciating what they allow us to do.
Focus on the whole person, not just how they look
Your teenager doesn’t need to be beautiful, attractive or perfect to deserve respect and acceptance, and neither do you.
But telling your teenager they’re beautiful while regularly criticising your own body within earshot can send a mixed message. The adult body is not a problem, and there’s no need to create fear around becoming an adult.
Children and young people learn from what they see and hear around them. If they live in a house where the adults regularly complain about their bodies, they may learn that this is how we talk about ourselves.
One of the most helpful things you can do, then, is model a more accepting relationship with your own body.
Your child is paying attention to how you talk about your own body
- Avoid criticising your body in front of them.
- Be aware of comments about weight, ageing and clothing sizes.
- Avoid labelling foods as “good”, “bad”, “naughty” or “fattening”.
- Try not to compare your appearance with other people’s.
- Let your teenager hear you speak positively, or at least neutrally, about your body.
- Focus on what your body can do, not just how it looks.
You can also encourage them to follow body-positive and body-neutral influences and help them diversify their social media feeds.
Notice qualities, effort and what their body can do rather than focusing only on appearance. You might say, “I noticed how kind you were to your friend,” “You’re getting really strong,” or “You’ve worked really hard on that.”
What can you say when your teenager says, “I hate my body”?
When your teenager says they hate their body, it can be tempting to reassure them straight away:
“Don’t be silly, you look lovely!”
But if they’re genuinely struggling with how they see themselves, they may not be able to take that reassurance in.
Instead, you could try:
“It sounds like you’re feeling really unhappy with how you look at the moment.”
“What is it you’re noticing or worrying about?”
“It sounds as though comparing yourself with other people is making you feel worse.”
You don’t have to agree with their negative view of themselves, but you don’t need to argue them out of it either. Start by listening and trying to understand what’s behind the comment.
Look at your own relationship with your body
Do you often criticise your own appearance? Are you constantly noticing what you don’t like about your body?
It’s easy to forget that our teenagers are listening to these comments too. It can feel almost taboo to be satisfied with how you look, but modelling self-compassion and a more accepting attitude toward your appearance can help both of you.
You don’t have to love every little thing about your body. You could start by noticing what it does for you, accepting compliments rather than dismissing them, or looking in the mirror without immediately focusing on what you’d like to change.
For some young people, worries about appearance can become a way of trying to regain a sense of control when other parts of life feel uncertain. What starts as wanting to change one aspect of their appearance can sometimes become increasingly restrictive or preoccupying.
When might they need additional support?
Body-image worries are common, but they can sometimes significantly affect a young person’s everyday life.
You might notice changes such as:
- becoming increasingly preoccupied with appearance
- avoiding school, social activities, photos or mirrors
- repeatedly checking their appearance
- significant changes in eating or exercise
- frequent comments about weight or calories
- withdrawing or becoming distressed around food
- spending increasing amounts of time editing photos or comparing themselves online
If you’re concerned about significant changes in your teenager’s eating, exercise, mood or behaviour, it’s worth talking to your GP or another appropriate health professional.
When puberty and menopause happen under the same roof
If there is someone in your home going through puberty, there may well be someone else going through perimenopause or menopause. Both stages can bring changes in body image, identity, mood and confidence.
You may be navigating your own feelings about your changing body at the same time as your teenager, which is another reason to show yourself some care and compassion.
You don’t need to have a perfect relationship with your own body to support your teenager. Being aware of the messages you give them and being willing to talk openly about appearance, comparison, and the changes that come with growing up can make a real difference.