Month: May 2023

Is your teenage child finding school difficult? Are they struggling to make it in? Are they coming home and unleashing their overwhelmed feelings on you? School is important, not just for learning maths and geography, but also for getting on with others and functioning in society.

When you realise they are struggling at school, the first step is to determine their reason. Talk to them about it and ask them to help you understand the issue from their perspective. If they don’t want to talk to you about it (which is quite normal for teenagers!), speak with their school to see if they can shed any light on it. 

Why is my child finding school difficult?

Some reasons could be:

• There is an issue with friendships. 
• They are being bullied.
• They are struggling with the work. Or they feel they have fallen too far behind.
• They are having problems with one of the teachers.
• There is an issue at home.
• They may have mental health issues.
• They may have learning difficulties or conditions that make school hard such as autism or ADHD.

How can I work out what is happening?

• Talk to them – it could be a problem with their friends or teachers, or they may struggle with the work.
• Work with the school – let your child know you will do this, so you can all work together to help them return.
• Speak to them about talking to a counsellor about their worries or fears about school.

Your child must go to school while this is happening – school is not just about learning academic stuff; it’s crucial for them socially and developmentally. Avoiding a difficult situation doesn’t help with anxiety; it feeds it. Physically going to school helps them remember they can do it, allowing them to find their confidence and resilience. Getting back to school is much easier if you haven’t been away from it for too long. 

Working with the school as a team is the best way to get your child back there. Talk with their tutor or head of year. 

• Let them know what’s happening from your perspective and what your child has told you is the issue.
• If the problem is bullying, let them know how this is impacting your child and ask them what strategies they have in place to manage or, better still, prevent bullying.
• Ask what support staff are available to help, such as the school counsellor or wellbeing team.
• If they are having difficulties due to a disability or neurodivergence, such as autism or ADHD, ask what the school has in place to support them.
• Make sure to ask for regular updates. 

Work with your child and the school to formulate a plan of action to move forward.

How do I talk to my child about this?

1. Staying calm is the goal here. If your child sees you’re stressed, upset or angry, they will pick up on this, worsening their anxiety.
2. Show them you understand and still expect them to attend school: “I can see that you’re worried about going to school, but you do need to go.”
3. Routines for the morning and evening are helpful for everyone. Having everything ready to go the evening before helps set up a calm start to the day.
4. Avoid getting into negotiations (teens love to negotiate) by being transparent, “When you’re at school tomorrow, you can…” rather than “If you go to school …”
5. Notice, acknowledge and praise them when they are taking steps to go in: “I know this is hard, but well done for getting your bag ready.”
6. If they don’t attend school, try not to reward this accidentally. No school means no television or electronics, for example. Make staying at home boring!

If you are worried about your child’s difficulty engaging with and going to school, you don’t have to resolve it alone – work with your child and the school to help.

And, most importantly, don’t forget to look after yourself! When you are feeling well, it’s much easier to help other people. 

Getting your own counselling can help. I work online with parents and carers to help them feel more confident in their parenting. If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, get in touch to learn more about how we can work together.

When you find you have a particular issue that you want help with sooner rather than later, an Empower Hour of single-session therapy can help.

Rather than a specific counselling approach, single-session therapy is designed to help you address a particular problem or issue in one session. It is based on the view that people have the resources and strengths to solve problems. As your therapist, I will help you identify and access these resources. 

When you enter the session, we will have an agreed focus, and you will leave it with a plan for your next steps, making it bespoke and specially tailored to meet your needs when you have the session. The session’s focus is then to help you identify and implement solutions to your issue. 

Single-session therapy is a one-time session of solution-focused, brief therapy to help you quickly resolve one specific issue by offering you short-term support and guidance. After your Empower Hour, you can act and move forward independently. However, it is essential to note that the therapy doesn’t have to stop there. They can be made available if we agree that more sessions would be helpful. 

While single-session therapy is a relatively new approach to therapy, it is effective for various concerns. Research has shown that single-session therapy can be effective for anxiety, depression, stress, relationship problems, family and parenting issues, work issues and life transitions. Some problems need more in-depth support than a single session can provide, and your therapist will advise you on this.

An Empower Hour with me will help you to:

• Navigate challenges in your relationships and find ways to communicate more effectively.
• Find the right tools and coping mechanisms to help you manage your anxiety and stress.
• Give you the support and guidance you need to help you handle transitions and changes.
• Find ways to feel more positive and boost your confidence.

The session is a collaborative process where we work together to create a plan for change. This means that, together, we will clarify the problem, develop a plan, and then ensure you have a clear action plan for the next steps you will implement.  

It is crucial that you come into the session prepared, so think about what you would like to get from it. I’ll send you a worksheet to help you with this before our session. 

How does it work?

During the session, you and I will:

• Agree on the focus of the session.
• Decide on the goal that you are working on.
• Keep on track.
• Focus on your strengths.
• Identify the resources you have around you.
• Work out your options and alternatives.
• Define what has and has not worked for you in the past.
• Work out your next steps.

After the session, it is essential that you give yourself some time to reflect on what we have talked about. You can then put the agreed plan or next steps into action. 

Single-session therapy is not a quick fix but can be a constructive way to implement change. It isn’t just for when you’re struggling with a problem; it’s also a great way to build skills such as communication, assertiveness, self-awareness and problem-solving.

Some other benefits of an Empower Hour:

• It gives you the support and guidance to cope with your problem.
• It can help you identify goals and develop a clear plan.
• It’s a great way to get an idea of therapy and to see if it’s right for you.

If you want to learn more about single-session therapy and see if it would fit you, don’t hesitate to contact me.  If you’re ready to make an appointment time now, click here to go to my booking page.