Month: August 2023

Parenting an adolescent can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. By staying calm, patient, and optimistic, and by being willing to let go of some control, you can be the parent your child needs.

7 tips for staying calm as a parent

Here are some critical points for you to keep in mind.

1. Remember, your teen’s brain and body are under construction

Don’t underestimate the profound changes your child is making developmentally, such as mood swings, boundary-pushing and risk-taking, each resulting from their brain and body growth. Try not to take this behaviour personally either; this phase won’t last forever. Learning more about adolescent development and how it impacts their behaviour can be helpful. After all, knowledge is power! There are books, podcasts, and web pages – do your research or talk to someone who is an expert in supporting parents of adolescents.

2. Don’t jump to ‘fix it’ mode

Your child needs you to listen to them; they don’t necessarily want you to resolve or find solutions; they’re usually not. You are letting them know you’re there for them, even when they are unsure what they need. Ask them if they just want you just to listen or to listen and help them work out their next step. Working collaboratively is much more effective in assisting them to find solutions and strategies for the hard stuff. Listen to them actively: don’t interrupt, dismiss or judge what they’re saying, even if it seems trivial or out of perspective. If they feel they can talk to you, they trust you can handle the hard stuff.

3. Go with the flow

The days of dictating what they do and them complying are over – that breeds resentment and is more likely to result in rebellion. It’s much easier to go along with them and see your relationship becoming more of a partnership. As your teen grows and changes, you need to be flexible and willing to compromise, change and adapt with them. It’s much easier to ride the waves together than try to hold back the tide yourself.

4. Try to avoid escalating the situation

Understandably, you will sometimes react emotionally to your teen’s outbursts. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and say or do something we might regret later. Yes, they will make you angry and frustrated; it’s what they’re supposed to do at this stage! They need to push away to find their own feet and independence.

If you can take a step back, keep calm and stay composed, you’ll likely be able to handle the situation constructively. Understanding your teen’s pushback as a regular part of their development can help you keep perspective.

5. Get to know what pushes your buttons

This means you’ll be more prepared to respond than to fly off the handle immediately. Is it the eye roll? The monosyllabic grunt to a friendly enquiry about how their day went, or the constant backtalk? When this happens, take a breath. Don’t take it personally, but remove yourself from the situation if needed.

6. Take care of yourself

Do the things and be with the people who make you feel good. When you are feeling well and happy, the people who matter to you are much more likely to feel happy. If you aren’t taking care of yourself – getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising – it will be harder to take care of your teen. It helps keep resentment at bay and puts you in a better place to be there for your kids when they need you. It also shows them the importance of looking after themselves.

7. Try to maintain your sense of humour

Focus on the light side of raising teens – you don’t need to react to every annoying little thing they do (even though they don’t let you get away with anything they find remotely irritating). Use humour to connect; perspective and seeing the funny side can lighten tense situations. They are still kids and still learning. Laughing at ourselves and the situation can help diffuse tension and make the whole experience easier. And if you can’t find the funny side, that’s okay too – chalk it up to a bad day, let it go and move on.

Staying calm is the best way to show your teenager how they can manage stress and tricky situations. Children learn best by seeing the behaviour you want from them in action. That also goes for making mistakes. You don’t expect them to be flawless, so acknowledge that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. By admitting mistakes, you can forgive and move on, plus you have an excellent opportunity to grow and learn – what a great gift to show your kid!

Remember that you’re not alone and that some challenges with teens are typical. Parenting can be tricky, and having someone to talk to can make a significant difference; please don’t feel like you have to navigate this time alone.

If you struggle to keep your cool with your teen or tween child or want someone to talk through the experiences (the ups and the downs), you can contact me here. We can work together to develop strategies for staying calm and communicating effectively with your teen.

Has a recent breakup left you feeling like your world has tipped upside down? Are you wondering if you’ll ever feel happy again? Perhaps you’re feeling relieved, pleased to have got out in one piece. Breakups are never easy, but there are ways to cope with the pain and move on. They are part of life – everyone goes through breakups at some point, and they make it through. So if you’re going through a breakup, know that you’re not alone and that there are things you can do to help yourself. Breakups are a part of life, but they don’t have to define you.

1. Give yourself time to grieve.

Feeling your feelings is OK, so don’t be hard on yourself. You might want to move on quickly and get back on track, but getting over a relationship can take some time, so be kind to yourself. Whether the breakup was for the best or you’re struggling to make sense of it, allow yourself time to grieve. It is a loss, and you need time to process your feelings. Remember that this feeling won’t last forever. You’ll have good and not-so-good days but will get through this in time.

2. Look after yourself

Look after your basic needs; ensure you’re nourishing yourself with healthy food, getting enough sleep, getting outside, and moving your body. When you look after your physical health, you can better cope with the stress of a breakup. Think of the things you do that you find relaxing; reading a book, watching a film, going for a walk. Do them.

3. Stay active

Focus on the things that make you feel good and spend time with the people who make you happy. It could be that you have more time on your hands now that you’re not with your ex. Planning, especially for weekends, can help. Watch out for alcohol and other drug use at this time, however. It might feel like they help in the short term, but they will make you feel worse in the longer term. Remember, your focus is on healing.

4. Be patient

There’s no time frame for a breakup; different people heal at their own pace, so be patient with yourself. You don’t need to compare yourself to others and how they have dealt with breakups – keep your focus on yourself and your journey.

5. Give yourself space

It’s OK to avoid the other person for a little while, in person and online. You don’t need to shut them out of your life entirely, but you might find putting some practical blocks in to protect your space and avoid bumping into them when you’re not ready.

6. Talk it through

Talking about your breakup with friends or family can help you understand what happened. There’s also something quite therapeutic about your friends agreeing that you’re better off without your ex! They can also help you see other perspectives, look after yourself, give you some great distractions, and remind you that you can still have fun.

A quick point on rebound relationships:

Rebound relationships are a thing, but giving yourself time before beginning another relationship is better. Think about what you want your next relationship to be like; what does a healthy, positive relationship look like?

If you’re struggling to cope with a breakup and want to help things make sense again, please contact me HERE. I specialise in single-session therapy, which can help you quickly resolve one particular issue. You’ll process your emotions, find coping mechanisms, and move on.

Are you wondering what happened to the easy-going chats you anticipated having with your teenage child? Are your attempts to ask about their day met with a grunt or, even worse, an eye roll? Does this leave you feeling insecure and wondering how you can improve things between you?

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging. They’re going through many changes and often feel insecure and unsure of themselves. But staying connected with them is crucial, even when it’s tough. They are watching and learning from you. Show them how positive, respectful communication looks, sounds and feels.

7 tips for better communication with your teenager

Here are some tips to help you build strong connections and good communication with your teenager:

1. More listening, less talking

This is number one on this list for a reason! It’s vital that your child feels heard and understood. Give them your full attention when they choose to talk to you. It can be tempting to jump in with a ‘fix’ for any issues they might face, but they need to feel heard most.

2. Actively listen

Pay attention to what they are saying. Ask questions to clarify and summarise the points they’ve made back to them, ensuring you understand what they are saying. Watch your body language and tone of voice – teens are very aware of this! Let them see that you are listening and are interested.

3. No judging

Respect their feelings and opinions even if you disagree with what they’re saying. Teens are going through many changes, often feeling insecure and unsure of themselves. Give them some slack. A study by the NSPCC found that 80% of teenagers said they would feel more comfortable talking to their parents about important issues if they thought their parents would listen to them without judging them.

4. Watch your language

Sarcasm and shouting don’t help. Focus on using calm and assertive communication.

5. Honesty for the win

If you can share your thoughts and feelings with them, it will be easier for them to be open and honest with you. Show them you are willing to listen. This also means being nice and clear about your expectations and rules.

6. Find common ground

This could be sharing a hobby, watching a TV show together (even better if it’s one they’ve chosen), or just talking about your day. Ask them what they’re interested in and respect their interests (even if you don’t understand them). Share your interests with them, something you’ve liked since you were their age or something you’ve gotten into more recently.

7. Make one-to-one time

It is vital as your teen gets older and starts spending more time with their friends. Aim for quality over quantity; even a few minutes a day of focused time connecting makes a world of difference to them. Go for a walk together, or discuss current events with them.

Here are some additional tips for you:

• Be patient. It takes time to build trust and communication with teens. You won’t see results overnight, but these will make a difference that will grow over time. And they will notice.
• Be yourself. Teens can spot a fake a mile off! And they will let you know.
• Have fun! Connecting with your teen should be enjoyable for both of you. If you aren’t enjoying the conversation, your teen won’t be either.

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that they are still growing and learning. Following these tips can create a more open and supportive environment for positive communication with your teenager. And positive communication is vital; it helps with their self-esteem and sets them up for healthy relationships outside of the family with their peers and romantic partners.

If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, why not get in touch HERE to see how I can help?