There are a lot of assumptions out there about what ‘typical’ teenage behaviour looks like – cue Harry Enfield’s Kevin the Teenager yelling “That is so unfair!” and slamming doors. It might have seemed funny before you had teenagers of your own, but now it can feel uncomfortably accurate.
Mood swings, boundary-pushing, and a growing need for independence are all part of adolescent development. It’s also common for teens to prioritise their peers over family, or to experience changes in sleep and emotions as their brains continue to develop.
But how do you tell the difference between what’s normal and what might be a sign of something more serious?
What does ‘typical’ teenage behaviour look like?
Of course, every young person is different, but there are some common themes. While these can be challenging, it can also be reassuring to know they’re a normal part of adolescence:
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Mood swings: A rollercoaster of emotions, shifting quickly from laughter to irritability or tears, often without an obvious reason.
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Changes in sleep patterns: Staying up late, sleeping in, and struggling to get going in the morning.
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Push for independence: Testing rules, pushing boundaries, questioning authority, and wanting more privacy.
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Focus on peers: Prioritising friendships and social lives over family time as they seek to establish their ‘tribe.’
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Identity exploration: Experimenting with different looks, interests, and opinions as they figure out who they are.
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Risk-taking: Some gentle (not outwardly dangerous) experimentation and limit-pushing.
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Self-consciousness: Sensitivity about appearance and fitting in with peers.
When to be concerned: Key warning signs
Sometimes behaviours move beyond what’s typical. Warning signs to look out for include:
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Duration and intensity: Behaviours lasting more than a couple of weeks and noticeably impacting daily life – such as sleep, schoolwork, friendships, or enjoyment of usual activities.
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Withdrawal: Complete isolation not only from family but also from friends. Wanting space is normal; cutting off entirely is different.
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Changes in functioning: A sudden drop in school performance, neglecting hygiene, significant appetite changes, or unusual sleep patterns (like oversleeping or severe insomnia).
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Risk-taking: Involvement in harmful behaviours such as substance use, self-harm, or unsafe sex.
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Hopelessness: Expressions of worthlessness, frequent crying, or talk of not wanting to be here. Any mention of not wanting to be here should always be taken seriously.
The impact of social media and screen time
Screen time itself isn’t automatically harmful, but sudden changes in how it’s used can be a red flag. Staying up late scrolling, avoiding face-to-face contact, or seeming consumed by online life may be signs to look closer.
Why trusting your instincts matters
Even if none of the red flags are obvious, trust your gut. Parenting advice online can feel overwhelming, but you know your child best. If something feels “off” or out of character, it’s worth paying attention.
6 ways to talk to your tween or teen about their feelings
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Start with gentle observations: “I’ve noticed you seem down lately – how are you doing?” or “You’ve been quieter than usual.” Keep it non-judgmental and supportive.
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Keep calm and open: Your tone sets the stage. Staying calm helps your teen feel safe enough to talk.
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Use open-ended questions: Prompts like “What was the best part of your day?” create more space than yes/no questions.
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Choose the right setting: Side-by-side chats (in the car, on a walk) can feel less intense than face-to-face.
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Validate their feelings: Even small disclosures matter. “That sounds tough. Thanks for telling me” shows you’re listening.
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Give them choice: Ask, “Would you like me just to listen, or to listen and then help with ideas?” This gives them some control.
Think of these as part of an ongoing conversation, not a one-off. Even if they don’t open up straight away, they’ll hear your concern.
Don’t wait for a crisis to get help
It’s okay to seek help early. Counselling isn’t only for crisis points – it can also be preventative. And don’t underestimate the value of support for yourself. Talking to a counsellor can help you think through your concerns and find the best way to respond.
Where to find support for you and your teen
Parenting a teenager can be tough, but you don’t have to manage everything alone. Support is available:
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School: Pastoral leads or school counsellors can offer check-ins, suggest adjustments, and refer on if needed.
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GP: They can rule out physical health issues and, if appropriate, refer to services like CAMHS.
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Counselling: For young people, it provides a safe, confidential space outside the family. For parents, it’s a place to explore worries and practical strategies.
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Peer support groups: For both teens and parents, these can reduce isolation and provide shared coping strategies.
Encourage your teen to access support themselves, or offer to help them reach out. Sometimes just knowing support is available gives them a sense of choice and control.
If your child is reluctant, getting support for yourself can still make a difference. It shows your teen that reaching out is okay – and that no one has to manage difficult feelings alone.
Parenting a teen isn’t easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. With the right support – whether through school, your GP, counselling, or peer networks – both you and your teen can feel more equipped to navigate this stage and stay connected.
If you’re worried about your teen, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Get in touch to explore how counselling could help.
