Are you wondering what happened to the easy-going chats you anticipated having with your teenage child? Are your attempts to ask about their day met with a grunt or, even worse, an eye roll? Does this leave you feeling insecure and wondering how you can improve things between you?
Communicating with teenagers can be challenging. They're going through many changes and often feel insecure and unsure of themselves. But staying connected with them is crucial, even when it's tough. They are watching and learning from you. Show them how positive, respectful communication looks, sounds and feels.
7 tips for better communication with your teenager
Here are some tips to help you build strong connections and good communication with your teenager:
- More listening, less talking
This is number one on this list for a reason! It's vital that your child feels heard and understood. Give them your full attention when they choose to talk to you. It can be tempting to jump in with a 'fix' for any issues they might face, but they need to feel heard most.
- Actively listen
Pay attention to what they are saying. Ask questions to clarify and summarise the points they've made back to them, ensuring you understand what they are saying. Watch your body language and tone of voice – teens are very aware of this! Let them see that you are listening and are interested.
- No judging
Respect their feelings and opinions even if you disagree with what they're saying. Teens are going through many changes, often feeling insecure and unsure of themselves. Give them some slack. A study by the NSPCC found that 80% of teenagers said they would feel more comfortable talking to their parents about important issues if they thought their parents would listen to them without judging them.
- Watch your language
Sarcasm and shouting don't help. Focus on using calm and assertive communication.
- Honesty for the win
If you can share your thoughts and feelings with them, it will be easier for them to be open and honest with you. Show them you are willing to listen. This also means being nice and clear about your expectations and rules.
- Find common ground
This could be sharing a hobby, watching a TV show together (even better if it's one they've chosen), or just talking about your day. Ask them what they're interested in and respect their interests (even if you don't understand them). Share your interests with them, something you've liked since you were their age or something you've gotten into more recently.
- Make one-to-one time
It is vital as your teen gets older and starts spending more time with their friends. Aim for quality over quantity; even a few minutes a day of focused time connecting makes a world of difference to them. Go for a walk together, or discuss current events with them.
Here are some additional tips for you:
- Be patient. It takes time to build trust and communication with teens. You won't see results overnight, but these will make a difference that will grow over time. And they will notice.
- Be yourself. Teens can spot a fake a mile off! And they will let you know.
- Have fun! Connecting with your teen should be enjoyable for both of you. If you aren't enjoying the conversation, your teen won't be either.
Communicating with teenagers can be challenging, but it's important to remember that they are still growing and learning. Following these tips can create a more open and supportive environment for positive communication with your teenager. And positive communication is vital; it helps with their self-esteem and sets them up for healthy relationships outside of the family with their peers and romantic partners.
If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, why not get in touch HERE to see how I can help?