Congratulations! Your child is off to university. You might feel incredibly proud of them and excited about the opportunities ahead. But alongside the celebrations, you may also be experiencing an unexpected sense of loss, sadness or emptiness.

After years of family routines, school runs, busy weekends and having your child around, the house can suddenly feel very quiet. You might find yourself missing the everyday things you once took for granted, even if you were looking forward to more time to yourself.

You can be delighted for your child and still miss them terribly. These feelings aren’t contradictory; they’re part of adjusting to a significant change in family life.

This experience is often described as empty nest syndrome. Although it isn’t a formal medical diagnosis, it describes the range of emotions some parents and carers experience when their children leave home. Other life changes, such as retirement, menopause or relationship changes, can sometimes add to these feelings.

So, how can you manage this transition, look after yourself and help your child settle into university life?

There isn’t one right way to feel when your child leaves home. You might experience sadness, grief, loneliness, anxiety or uncertainty about your role as a parent. You might also feel relief at having fewer daily responsibilities, more freedom or a little more peace and quiet.

You could experience several of these emotions in the same day.

Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, rather than telling yourself you should be happy because your child is doing well. You don't need to minimise your feelings or compare yourself with other parents who seem to be taking it all in their stride.

You might find it helpful to talk to a friend who understands, write down your thoughts, or simply acknowledge that you’re going through an adjustment.

Remember, you aren’t just getting used to an emptier house. You’re adapting to a different stage of parenting and a new family dynamic. That takes time.

Starting university is a significant milestone for your child. It’s a chance for them to experience new interests, develop independence and discover more about themselves.

Let them know how proud you are and that you’re excited for them, even if a part of you wishes they could stay at home a little longer.

And don’t forget to congratulate yourself, too!

You’ve supported them through years of growing up, including the challenges of school, friendships, exams and becoming more independent. Getting everyone through A-levels in one piece can be quite an achievement in itself!

Your role is changing, but it isn’t disappearing. Your child will still need you, although the ways they rely on you may look different. You can continue to be a source of reassurance, encouragement and perspective while giving them room to make their own decisions.

When so much of your time and energy has gone into raising children, it can be surprisingly difficult to know what to do with yourself when they leave home.

This is an opportunity to reconnect with the parts of yourself that may have taken a back seat.

Is there a hobby you’ve been meaning to return to? Perhaps you’d like to try a dance class, read more, play football, travel or learn something new. You don’t need to change your life overnight or fill every spare moment with activities.

Start small. Arrange a coffee with a friend, plan a day out or make time for something you enjoy.

It’s also an opportunity to nurture relationships outside your parenting role. If you have a partner, you may be adjusting to a different kind of relationship now that you’re no longer sharing the daily demands of raising children at home. You might enjoy rediscovering things you used to do together, whether that’s going out for dinner, taking weekend trips or simply having more uninterrupted time to talk.

If you don’t have a partner, friendships, family connections and new social opportunities can be equally important.

You don’t have to stop being a parent to rediscover yourself. Both parts of your life can exist alongside each other.

When your routine changes, it’s easy to lose some of the structure that helped you feel grounded. You might find yourself spending more time alone, worrying about your child or struggling to settle into evenings that used to feel busy.

Try to maintain some simple routines around sleep, meals, exercise and social contact. Getting outside, seeing friends or planning something enjoyable during the week can help give your days a sense of shape.

Be mindful, too, of how much time you spend checking your phone, waiting for a message or worrying about how your child is getting on. Staying connected matters, but you also deserve to be present in your own life.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself. You don’t have to feel positive about every aspect of this change, and you don’t need to rush yourself into enjoying your newfound freedom.

If feelings of sadness, anxiety or loneliness persist, become overwhelming or start to affect your everyday life, consider talking to someone you trust or seeking professional support.

One challenge of your child leaving for university is figuring out what your relationship looks like now.

You might be used to knowing where they are, what they’re doing and whether they’ve eaten properly. Suddenly, you have much less information about their day-to-day life.

It’s understandable to want reassurance, but frequent calls and messages can feel overwhelming to a young person trying to establish their independence.

Talk together about how often you’d both like to keep in touch. A regular phone call, a few messages during the week or a family group chat might work well. Be prepared to adapt as they settle in.

Try not to interpret every unanswered message or short conversation as a sign that something is wrong. They may be busy, making friends, going to lectures or simply getting used to managing their own time.

At the same time, you can let them know you’re there if they need you. The aim is to keep communication open without making either of you feel obliged to be constantly available.

As you adjust to your own feelings, you may also worry about how your child will cope away from home.

University brings exciting opportunities, but it can also involve homesickness, academic pressure, financial worries, difficulties making friends and the challenge of managing everyday responsibilities independently.

Here are some ways you can help.

Keep communication open. Ask how they’re finding university, what they’re enjoying and what they’re finding difficult. You don’t need to turn every conversation into a check-in about their mental health. Sometimes, simply listening and showing an interest in their everyday experiences is enough to help them feel connected.

Listen before offering solutions. If your child tells you they’re struggling, resist the urge to fix the problem right away. Ask what would be helpful and whether they’d like advice or simply someone to listen. Knowing that they can talk honestly without feeling judged can make it easier for them to share what’s going on.

Encourage them to access support. UK universities generally offer student wellbeing services, and many provide counselling, mental health advice or other forms of support. Help your child find out what’s available before they need it, so they know where to turn. If difficulties persist or substantially impact their wellbeing, encourage them to seek appropriate professional help.

Encourage healthy routines without trying to manage everything. Sleep, regular meals, physical activity, time outdoors and social connections all contribute to wellbeing. You can encourage these habits while recognising that your child is learning to manage their own life. They may not do everything exactly as you would!

Keep some familiar connections alive. A care package containing favourite snacks, photos of family or pets, or a small reminder of home can mean a lot. Plan visits if that’s helpful and practical, but let your child have a say in when and how often you see each other.

Remind them that university is about more than academic success. Learning to budget, manage time, navigate friendships, solve problems and cope with setbacks are all part of becoming more independent. They don’t have to get everything right straight away.

And remember: you can be a reassuring presence without being responsible for making every aspect of university life go smoothly. Your child will have to navigate some challenges themselves; that’s part of learning and growing.

If you notice persistent changes in their mood, behaviour, social engagement or ability to manage everyday life, gently encourage a conversation about what they need and what support might help.

When your child leaves for university, it’s natural to feel that something important has changed. Your home may be quieter, your routines may look different, and you may be working out who you are in this new stage of family life.

You can miss your child while celebrating their independence. You can feel proud of them while acknowledging that this transition is difficult for you, too.

Give yourself time to adjust, stay connected in ways that work for both of you, and make space for the relationships, interests and experiences that matter to you.

If you’re finding this transition harder than expected, talking things through with a counsellor can help you make sense of your feelings, explore what’s changed and find practical ways to move forward.

I offer counselling in Chichester, West Sussex, and online across the UK. If you’d like to explore how counselling could help you navigate this stage of life, get in touch.