Month: April 2024

Dealing with separation or divorce can be emotionally challenging, especially when it comes to considering the impact it has on your nearly teenage child or teen. This is a time of change and intense emotions for everyone involved, and helping teenagers through this process can be extremely challenging. However, it is crucial for their well-being that you offer them the support they need during this difficult time. To help you with this, here are some strategies that you can consider:

Communication

It’s important to have open and honest conversations with your teenager about the separation or divorce, even though it may feel overwhelming. Instead of having just one conversation, think of them as ongoing talks as your teen starts to process and understand what’s going on. During this time, it’s important that your teen feels heard and understood, so give them the opportunity to express how they’re feeling. By actively listening to what they say, you can work together to identify what they need to feel safe and reassured that things will work out in time.

Reassurance 

Teenagers often experience strong emotions when their parents separate or divorce. They may feel angry, sad, and confused. As a parent, it is important to support and listen to their feelings without trying to jump in and fix how they’re feeling. By acknowledging their emotions and showing understanding, you can help them feel more confident and resilient. Encourage them to talk openly and create a safe space for them to express themselves without worrying about being judged.

Stability and routine

It’s important to keep in mind that your adolescent child may have practical concerns during a family separation. They may be worried about where they will live, whether they have to move away from their friends and school, and how they will adjust to living in two homes. 

To maintain stability and security during this change, keep to the same routine and activities as much as possible. This includes continuing to live in the same house or area, going to the same school, and keeping up with everyday activities. 

Even if you and your teenager are not living together full-time, staying connected and involved in each other’s lives is crucial. You can maintain a healthy relationship by doing the same things you’ve always done together, such as playing sports, cooking, watching movies, or shopping.

Avoiding conflict

Make it a priority to minimise conflict in front of your kids. Witnessing arguments or tension between parents can be distressing for teens and may exacerbate their emotional distress. Exposure to hostility and constant conflict isn’t good for anyone’s well-being. Avoid discussing difficulties related to the separation or negative comments about the other parent in front of your child. If you need to vent, talk to a friend, family member or someone you feel comfortable with when your child is not around.

Co-parenting

Work with your ex so you both prioritise your child’s well-being. Keep your communication with your ex respectful and focus on making joint decisions regarding your teenager’s upbringing.

Support

It can be tough for adolescents to express when they’re having a hard time, but there are signs that they may be struggling with a transition. Look out for increased anger, unwillingness to cooperate, spending more time alone, sleep or eating problems, lack of interest in usual activities, friendship issues, or risky behaviour.

It can be challenging to determine if your teenager’s behaviour is due to the usual ups and downs of adolescence or if it’s a sign of difficulty with the separation. Trust your instincts and don’t jump to conclusions about what’s causing the behaviour. If you’re concerned about your teen’s well-being, seek professional help.

Let your child’s school know about the separation or divorce so their teachers are aware. They can look for changes in your teen’s behaviour that indicate they might be struggling and suggest support options.

Despite the challenges of separation or divorce, you will get through this with time, find a new normal for your family, and even thrive. One of the remarkable strengths of teenagers is their innate ability to adapt to new circumstances. With your love and support, your teen can emerge more robust and resilient from the separation or divorce.

You need to pay attention to your physical and emotional well-being during this stressful time. Reach out to friends for support, look for a support group for parents going through a divorce, and speak with a counsellor about your feelings. By doing so, you’ll be better positioned to support your child while caring for yourself.

Being a parent or carer of teenagers has specific challenges. Please don’t feel that you have to do it on your own. As a counsellor specialising in working with parents of tweens and teens, I help parents like you find ways of strengthening their relationship with their adolescent child.

If this resonates with you, why not contact me today to schedule a session?

It’s not uncommon for parents and carers to experience apprehension regarding their teenagers’ apparent lack of enthusiasm towards schoolwork during their adolescent years. The transition from childhood to adulthood is challenging, and teens are often preoccupied with social arrangements and other distractions. There are effective strategies you can use to encourage your teenager to take their education seriously. These practical approaches can promote a sense of responsibility and motivation in teenagers, leading to academic success and a brighter future.

Understanding typical teen mindsets

It is common for teenagers to need help prioritising their studies. There may be various reasons for this, such as social expectations, lack of motivation, or difficulty comprehending the significance of education. Alternatively, they may have more pressing concerns, such as fitting in with their peers or worrying about how to get someone to like them.

It’s important to remember that your anxieties and priorities may be different from those of your child. You almost certainly have had a different school experience than your teenager has now. Perhaps you excelled academically, but your child may be struggling. While school and learning are important, there is more to life than getting good grades.

It’s essential to remember that your teen is their own person, and they are still figuring out who they are and where they fit in the world. 

Teenagers tend to prioritise the present over the future. They are not very good at weighing short-term pain against long-term gain. As a result, when discussing career prospects and the benefits of investing in education, they may respond with eye rolls.

However, academic success is important for your teen’s future. So, how can you motivate them to take their education seriously (enough)?

Talk to them

Maintaining open communication with your teenager is crucial to help them overcome academic challenges. Encourage them to share their concerns and issues related to school with you by initiating a conversation. For instance, you can ask them if there is anything specific they would like to talk about, such as, “Hey, I noticed you seemed a bit stressed about school lately. Is there anything on your mind that you want to talk about?” You can also share your own experiences and offer your support. For example, “I remember when I was your age, I sometimes found school tricky. I’m here to support you if you need help or want to talk. How are things going with your classes and assignments?” Create a supportive and non-judgmental atmosphere to make them feel comfortable about opening up to you. Although it may be challenging, avoid criticising their thoughts and opinions, as this will help you find solutions to any problems they may face. Remember, providing your support and understanding will go a long way in motivating them to take their education seriously.

• Set clear expectations: Establish clear guidelines and expectations regarding academic performance, attendance, and involvement in school activities. Consistency is key in reinforcing these expectations.
• Encourage goal setting: Help teens set realistic short-term and long-term goals related to their academic achievements. Breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks can make them feel more attainable.
• Provide resources and support: Offer tutoring, study groups, or educational apps to support your teen’s learning process. Be actively involved with them in finding solutions to any academic challenges they may face.

It’s important to encourage your teenagers to take responsibility for their education by allowing them to make decisions and learn from their mistakes. Remember that schools are designed to provide learning resources and set boundaries and consequences. It’s best to let these take place and take a step back whenever possible.

• Lead by example: Be a positive role model by demonstrating a solid work ethic and a commitment to lifelong learning. Show them your commitment to learning by taking courses yourself or engaging in educational discussions with your teen.
• Encourage them: Help them to develop effective time management and study skills.
• Celebrate their wins: Acknowledge your teen’s academic accomplishments, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement boosts their confidence and motivation to take school seriously.

If you notice your teenager persistently struggling or showing signs of academic disengagement, you should speak with their school. If possible, talk with your teen first, letting them know you’re getting support for them—don’t go behind their back. Professional support can help identify underlying issues and provide tailored interventions. 

Do try to avoid getting too fixated on your teen’s academics. Young people face so much pressure from different directions, so choosing this battle may not be worth it. 

If you’re worried about the well-being of your teenage or nearly teenage child, counselling can help. I specialise in assisting parents and carers dealing with adolescent issues and providing ongoing counselling support to work on these issues together. If you have a specific problem that you want to talk through, I also offer one-off parenting consultations that focus on finding solutions. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need further guidance or support.