Month: September 2024

If there’s a teen or nearly teenager in your house, it’s also likely to be someone experiencing perimenopause or menopause. Welcome to the perfect hormonal storm, where menopause and puberty collide! Both of these stages can be pretty emotionally turbulent for all involved. So, how can you help manage stress levels over this stage for you when you’re also parenting teens through puberty?

Understanding the Changes

During puberty, hormonal changes mean mood swings, increased sensitivity and your child’s identity formation as ‘A Teenager’.

Similarly, hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause and menopause also mean mood swings, increased anxiety and sleep disturbances.

Both of these stages are natural and to be expected, and they can also lead to challenges for you, your child and those around you. While you’re sharing more of the same experiences than you might realise, this increase in irritability, anxiety and mood swings can all too easily lead to misunderstandings, increasing stress within your household. Remember this is all part of the journey and is typical.

Work on Your Communication

Now is the time to think about your communication strategies. Open and honest communication between you and your teen is crucial. Practice actively listening when your kid talks about their feelings or frustrations. Put down distractions and fully focus on what they are saying. You can use your own experiences of shifting hormones to respond with empathy.

Setting aside regular times to check in with your teen to discuss feelings and challenges. Depending on your teen and how they respond, you can agree on a specific time together or set a regular reminder for yourself to check in (nonchalantly). You might initially get a terse or sarcastic response, but believe me, they will appreciate it!

Tips for Managing Stress (that will work for them and you)

Here are some parent-teen stress management strategies:

Physical Activities: Go for a walk or practice some at-home yoga to help build bonds and provide mutual stress relief.

Structured Daily Routines: Create structured daily routines to provide stability and reduce stress. Routine and structure are useful for everyone.

Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Check sleep hygiene, balanced nutrition, and regular physical activity.

Anything that promotes stress relief for parents and teens is helpful.

Look After Yourself

Taking care of yourself, especially in this puberty and menopause overlap, is not a luxury but a necessity. When you show yourself some kindness and compassion, you’re better able to be there for those around you. Think of the oxygen mask on a plane; you have to put it on yourself before you check that those around you have theirs on. Plus, it sets a great positive example for your teenage kids. When they see you looking after yourself and showing self-compassion, they’re more likely to do this for themselves. It’s a win-win situation!

Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, like hobbies, socialising with friends, or simply relaxing (maybe some time off social media!).

Create a Supportive Environment at Home

Mutual respect and patience go a long way. Make time for activities that help encourage bonding and relaxation. These might include family game nights, cooking, or simply watching a film together.

Managing stress and emotions related to life changes helps create a healthier family dynamic. You can work through these challenges more smoothly by improving communication, practising stress management techniques, taking care of yourself, and creating a supportive home environment.

If stress and emotional turbulence become overwhelming, it’s important to seek professional help. Counselling, therapy, and support groups are all great sources of support.

Would you like to feel more confident about coping with menopause and teen mood swings? Are you dealing with parenting the challenges of puberty while also experiencing perimenopause or menopause? You don’t have to manage this on your own! Contact me today to book a session for personalised support tailored to your needs. We can work together to build a healthier, happier and calmer home environment.

Any relationship can feel complicated in unique ways, and the one between mums and their daughters has an extra dimension. The media, films, and TV tend to oversimplify mother-daughter relationships as either very close or extremely tense. While it’s true that mother-daughter relationships can be profoundly fulfilling, they have some distinct challenges. The dynamic between you will continue to change and shift as your daughter moves from childhood through adolescence into adulthood. It is shaped by biological, psychological, and social influences, but when you understand these, you and your daughter can build a stronger relationship that’s based on empathy.

You and your daughter have a particular connection due to sharing the female biological and psychological experience, making the potential of this shared bond strong. This closeness can help you understand and empathise with each other’s feelings and actions. However, it can also lead to high expectations and intense emotions, none of which make the relationship any easier!

Identity and independence

As your daughter grows up, she also develops her own unique identity. And to do this, she needs to start separating from you. This desire and need for independence can lead to conflict, especially when mums find it hard to loosen their grip or daughters feel too restricted.

Adolescence is the time when this conflict becomes particularly noticeable, where you find your daughter testing your every limit while you try to offer advice and support. Finding the right balance between independence and closeness is tricky and can lead to tension.

Communication styles

Differences in communication styles between you and your daughter can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. You may rely on certain forms of communication, while your daughter, especially in this digital age, may prefer different methods. It’s important to listen and express feelings to bridge this gap actively.

Additionally, finding common ground in communication methods, such as setting aside time for face-to-face conversations, can help improve understanding and build a healthy relationship.

Be aware of your past issues

Unresolved issues from your past can resurface and affect your relationship with your daughter. Past hurts, unmet expectations or unspoken resentments can create barriers to closeness.

One way to address these issues is through counselling, which can provide a safe space to heal and move forward. Open and honest communication about these issues can help you understand each other’s perspectives and work towards resolution.

Influence of fathers and other family members

The presence and behaviour of fathers and other family members can influence the dynamics of the mother-daughter relationship. A supportive family environment helps reduce conflict and provides extra support. On the other hand, if the family dynamic is strained, it can make tensions between mothers and daughters worse. 

Adolescence and menopause: The perfect storm

Adolescence is a time of rapid physical, emotional, and psychological change for daughters, characterised by the quest for identity, increased independence, and often heightened emotional sensitivity. At the same time, mothers may be experiencing menopause, a significant life transition marked by hormonal changes, emotional fluctuations, and reflections on their own ageing and life course.

Mothers and daughters often experience these changes simultaneously (thanks, Mother Nature!), which can make your relationship even more complicated. When you and your daughter are dealing with significant internal and external changes, the emotional environment is going to be heightened.

If this is something you’re experiencing, keep in mind:

• The hormonal fluctuations of menopause can impact mood and behaviour, just as they do adolescence. Understanding that you are both experiencing heightened emotional states helps maintain empathy and patience.
• When you and your daughter are both experiencing significant life changes, miscommunication is only to be expected. Open, honest dialogue is crucial to working through misunderstandings and supporting each other through these transitions.
• Recognising the challenges each other is facing can reframe a source of tension into an opportunity to support each other. Your daughters can gain insight into the ageing process, and you can better understand the pressures of growing up in today’s world. 

Do you find yourself struggling with your relationship with your teen or nearly teenage daughter? Being a parent to a child who’s going through puberty just as you’re navigating menopause is hard. 

If this resonates with you, counselling can help improve your relationship with your adolescent child. Find out more about working with me HERE.