We all experience fear and anxiety at times; it's part of being human. Some of us enjoy the thrill of a good fright when watching a scary film, while for others, those feelings linger after the film has ended and are anything but fun. Anxiety is a common experience for teenagers, too, as they're working hard to manage all the pressures and challenges that come with growing up. And it doesn't always fade quickly. As a parent, it might seem like your child's anxiety has come out of nowhere, and it can feel hard to work out how to support your teen through this. The good news is that there are practical ways you can support your teen to build courage, develop the confidence to face their fears, and better manage life's ups and downs.
Understanding Teen Anxiety
Plenty is going on in your teen's life: keeping up with schoolwork, friends, extracurricular activities, and managing family life - no wonder they can feel anxious! Some level of fear and anxiety is a natural reaction to the challenges of adolescence, and anxiety is a very common experience for tweens and teens. This anxiety can feel similar to but is different from stress. Stress is a response to an external situation or challenge that triggers the fight-or-flight response. While anxiety can also be in response to external factors, the difference is that it continues after the situation has passed and is not necessarily linked or associated with external factors. While stress is a response to a specific event (like an upcoming test), anxiety is more like a background hum, often unrelated to any particular trigger and more persistent. Of course, anxiety can be linked to an external trigger, and stress can persist after an event, too.
Although anxiety is a very common experience for our teenagers, it is not all bad and can even be useful. It can motivate them to try something new or challenging, like getting involved in the school play, and it can also help them stay safe by prompting them to think through a situation they've gotten themselves into.
Recognising the Signs of Anxiety in Teens
First, help them recognise when they are feeling anxious by talking through some common signs of anxiety. These include physical symptoms such as tummy churning, faster breathing and grinding or clenching teeth; emotional symptoms such as struggling to relax; and a sense of dread or rumination (thinking about a situation or experience over and over). Help them notice how anxiety shows up for them.
Practical Techniques to Help Your Teen Manage Anxiety
Once they can recognise that they're feeling anxious, they can use techniques such as:
- Breathing: It's good to breathe! Focus your attention on a slow breath in and a slow breath out.
- Grounding: Put your feet flat on the floor, wiggle your toes and feel the ground beneath you. Pick out three things in front of you and name them (out loud or just in your head). Do these a few times to help you feel 'back in the room'.
- Reframing thoughts (or rewriting the script): Take a step back and look at the situation more objectively; think about what you would say to a friend who was feeling anxious in this situation.
Talk through these strategies with your teens when they feel more relaxed, and have them practise them so they can access them easily when needed. Think of these as a first aid kit or a Fear Action Plan. By practising these regularly, your teen will find it easier to respond to anxious feelings before they become overwhelming.
Modelling Calm
Use these techniques yourself to model healthy ways of managing anxiety. Your teen or nearly teenage child can learn practical lessons from observing how you handle anxious situations.
Helping Your Teen Build Confidence by Facing Their Fears
Let Them Be Brave
Give them the chance to be courageous and face their fears themselves. You can give them a little nudge towards something that might feel daunting, like talking to someone new or trying a challenging activity. There's nothing quite like thinking something will be tricky and then doing it anyway, which can boost confidence and self-trust. And don't feel like you have to jump in immediately to help or fix issues for them. You can offer reassurance and support while still allowing them the chance to work it out for themselves first. If they're still struggling, they can come to you, and you can work out a solution or alternative together.
Talking about anxiety can help your teen make sense of what they’re feeling, rather than facing it all on their own. If anxiety is starting to affect their everyday life, relationships or school experience, additional support may help.
And what about you? Supporting an anxious teenager can be worrying, particularly when you’re unsure whether to reassure them, encourage them to face their fears or step back and give them space. Counselling for parents of tweens and teens can help you understand what’s going on for your child, find practical ways to support them and feel more confident navigating the challenges of adolescence.
If you’re finding your teen’s anxiety difficult to manage, I offer counselling for parents of tweens and teens in Chichester and online across the UK. Find out more about counselling for parents.