Month: April 2025

Have you ever found yourself wondering what on earth it is that’s preventing your teen or pre-teenage child from getting things done? Why do they always leave their homework to the last minute, only to turn into a stressed-out whirlwind of anxiety as they yell at you for something you’re not quite sure about but appears to be entirely your fault? Even though you’ve been constantly ‘reminding’ them about this assignment for the past week (if not longer).

Welcome to the world of teen procrastination, where the next stop is ‘Yeah, I’ll do it in a minute’.

Why do teenagers procrastinate?

Recognising what’s going on in your adolescent’s brain at this stage is key to understanding and approaching this. During adolescence, the part of the brain responsible for planning and decision-making is under considerable development, making it difficult for them to work out where to start and how to break them down into more manageable steps. No wonder they get overwhelmed.

Also, if they don’t see the point of a task, they’re less likely to feel motivated to complete it and, therefore, are more likely to procrastinate. Given the choice between geography homework on arable farming and checking Instagram, you can guess which option they’ll be drawn to.

The parent trap (what not to do)

• Nagging and constantly reminding: This just leads to resistance (from them) and resentment (for them and you).
• Taking over the task: A fundamental part of being a teenager is learning about and developing problem-solving skills. They don’t learn this when you do it for them, just because they find it hard.
• Punishing without understanding: This does not address the root cause of their avoidance and is, therefore, not helpful.

If you’ve fallen into any of these traps before, don’t worry; you are not alone! The good news is that small tweaks in how you approach this can make a big difference.

Practical ways you can help your teen 

•  Break it down: Help them split tasks into smaller steps.
• Use “when and then”: “When you finish your homework, then you can go on your phone.”
• Teach time management skills: Set a timer — 20 minutes or so — so they focus on the task (no phones or distractions) and see how much they get done. The goal is the amount of time rather than the amount of work done or the number of words written. Look up the Pomodoro Technique — it’s honestly a game-changer.
• Encourage them to find a routine: For example, your teen might come home, have a snack, do 20 to 40 minutes of homework and then gain uninterrupted access to YouTube for half an hour.
• Create external motivation: Because of where they are developmentally, your teenager is more motivated by a tangible reward than longer-term goal setting. Saying, “Writing about arable farming will help you get into the university course you want”, is not a strong motivator for the teen mind. Recognition and genuine praise work much better, such as “You made arable farming sound really interesting!” or privileges they can earn, like 30 minutes of uninterrupted YouTube time if they get 40 minutes of focused work done.
• Encourage them to find potential solutions: “What would make this feel easy to get going?” rather than “Why aren’t you doing this?”

Choose support over control

The jump to secondary school is big for your kids, and schoolwork and homework don’t tend to get any easier. Empathise with your teen or pre-teen and recognise that they are struggling with this task. Expecting them to get on with it is not helping them find their way through.

You can show them how you manage procrastination yourself (set that 20-minute timer – it’s how I’m writing this article you’re reading right now!). Break tasks into smaller chunks and create a distraction-free environment. And let them experience natural consequences where possible. So, if they don’t get their assignment done, they will face the consequences from school. Let them handle the outcome (within reason). Schools are very good at setting expectations and consequences, so let them.

Focusing more on how you can support your teen rather than trying to control them can help them build essential coping skills. Your teen isn’t procrastinating because they’re lazy or unmotivated; they might just need some guidance to find what works for them.

Seeking extra support

Some adolescents’ procrastination may be related to a perfectionist tendency, a fear of failing or not doing things “right.” If you feel your child’s procrastination goes beyond “typical” teenage behaviour and could be linked to underlying anxiety, perfectionism or ADHD, they might need extra support and strategies to help them manage.

If you notice that procrastination is causing significant distress and leading to meltdowns, school avoidance or constant battles at home, professional support can help. Counselling can help your teen understand their challenges, build confidence and develop techniques for working through procrastination in a way that works for them.

Being there for your teen when they are procrastinating can be frustrating and exhausting. Counselling for parents can help you find practical strategies to put in place, improve communication with your teen and support them whilst looking after yourself.

If you’re feeling stuck or unsure how to help your teen stay motivated and on track, you don’t have to work it out alone. I offer supportive, practical counselling for parents of tweens and teens – whether you want a one-off session or ongoing support.
Book your 10-minute Booking Check-In Call HERE or get in touch to learn more.

Has your teen or nearly teenage child recently come out as trans or started to question their gender identity? You might be feeling a mix of surprise, worry, confusion or even relief if you’ve had a sense that something was going on. Whether you’ve wondered about this for a while or it’s come completely out of the blue, it’s normal to need some time to process what your child is telling you.

First, be proud of your kid (and yourself) that they felt safe to share this with you. They have shown that they trust you and can be honest with you. Let them know how glad and proud you are that they have come to you with this, and reassure them that they have done the right thing in telling you. Be clear that this will not in any way change how much you love them. There’s nothing wrong with being trans. What matters most is that your child feels safe, loved and accepted.

Be open and supportive, remembering that this is a process you will work through together over time. Coming out as LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and/or questioning) is daunting! You can’t tell your teenager what their gender identity should be, but you can be there alongside them as they start to work this out for themselves. Listen to them and reassure them that you are 100% on their side.

What if I’m unsure how permanent this is?

Our identities grow and evolve over time, particularly in adolescence, so trust that your child will sort this out in their own time and in their own way.

Most important is how your teen is treated. Leave the door open on the conversation so they can come back, talk with you, and put your relationship with them front and centre. Gender identity is not a trend or a phase; trans young people deserve to be believed, even if things change or evolve later. So don’t dismiss this as a phase; they have almost certainly thought long and hard about their gender identity. They need to know that you are listening and are taking on board what they are saying.

How do I protect them from a potentially harmful family or community response?

It’s completely normal to worry about how others might respond. Let your child know there is nothing wrong or shameful about being trans. Talk with them about how and when they might want to share their identity with others — and remind them you’re right by their side.

This current generation of young people and children is much more aware of and accepting of the trans and LGBTQ+ community than you might think. You could start a conversation by saying you’re glad they are letting you know and asking them, “Have you thought about sharing this with your friends?”

You might want to check out their school’s policies for trans students – do your homework! Learn about issues that impact the transgender community. Speak with the school (but only with your child’s permission) about how they will ensure your child will be kept safe and not bullied. Let your kid know that you will always be there to support them.

Help them stay safe, both online and out and about. Make sure you know their rights and help them understand these, too. Remind them of the support and help that is available to them and help them access it if necessary. This may be counselling, mental health support and trans youth groups at school or in the community.

Follow your teen’s lead on conversations about their gender identity and keep an open mind. Don’t make assumptions. It’s natural to want to shield your child from harm. By becoming an informed, vocal ally, you can help make the world around them safer.

When they open up to you

When your tween or teen tells you what’s happening in their life, they watch out for and gauge your reaction (more than you might think). If you feel like you weren’t quite present with what they were saying or that this caught you off guard, let them know that, apologise and remind them that you still love them unconditionally. “Nothing is wrong here. I wasn’t expecting to hear what you said, and I want you to know I am 100% supportive of you.”

• Let them know how proud you are of them and that they made the right choice to tell you. Be really clear with them that this will not change how much you love them.
• Using their chosen name and pronouns is one of the most powerful ways to show your support. It might take time to get it right – what matters is that you’re trying.
• Talking about and sharing how you’re feeling is important, too. Feeling confused, sad or worried about your child is natural. Parents can also experience feelings of loss or uncertainty. It’s valid to seek support for yourself; just be mindful not to burden your child with your emotions. Don’t forget that you can talk about this with friends, other parents or carers and, of course, with a counsellor. Be aware of and respect your child’s privacy and confidentiality.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure, you’re not alone. Parenting a trans child can bring up a lot, and you deserve support, too.

I work with parents of tweens and teens to help them feel more confident and connected. If your child has come out as trans and you’re not sure what to do next, I offer supportive one-to-one sessions to help you navigate it all. Get in touch HERE.