July 2025

Sleep matters. It shapes mood, concentration, energy levels, and the overall atmosphere at home.

If your teen (or nearly teenage child) seems to be struggling with sleep — going to bed later and finding it hard to wake up in the morning — you’re not alone. It can feel frustrating and concerning to watch them delay bedtime or stay up late gaming, chatting with friends, or endlessly scrolling on their phone. But teen sleep problems are more common than many parents realise.

So, what causes these sleep struggles, and how can you, as a parent or caregiver, support your teen or tween in getting the quality and quantity of sleep they need to start their day feeling rested?

Why Teens Struggle with Sleep

Biological Changes

As teens move through puberty, their body clock naturally shifts to a later schedule. The release of melatonin (the hormone that helps us fall asleep) is delayed in adolescence, meaning they simply don’t feel sleepy until much later at night.

Academic and Social Pressures

The increasing demands of secondary school — homework, exams, and extracurricular activities — extend the day well beyond school hours. On top of this is the ever-present FOMO (fear of missing out), with pressure to stay socially connected often leading to late-night messaging that keeps them awake.

Impact of Screen Time

No surprise here: social media and gaming can overstimulate the brain. Plus, the blue light from screens interferes with melatonin production, making it harder to wind down and fall asleep.

Overthinking and Anxiety

Bedtime often becomes the moment worries surface — about friendships, school, family relationships, or what the future might hold. For many young people, it’s the quietest part of the day, when anxious thoughts come rushing in.

Inconsistent Routines

Irregular sleep and wake times — especially at weekends — can disrupt your teen’s internal clock and make it harder to establish a consistent, healthy sleep pattern.

How Parents Can Help

Model Good Sleep Habits

Your teen notices how you manage (or don’t manage!) your own rest. These tips might benefit your sleep too — and modelling balance sends a strong message.

Talk About Sleep (Without Nagging)

Nagging rarely works. Instead, be curious and open. Talk with your teen to understand their perspective, and help them notice how sleep affects their mood, energy, and focus.

Work Towards Small, Realistic Changes

Gradual changes work best. Expecting your teen to switch from midnight bedtimes to 10 p.m. won’t go well for anyone. Try small steps — even 15 minutes earlier can make a difference.

Encourage a Wind-Down Routine

Suggest 30 to 60 minutes of screen-free time before bed. Teens often understand the effects of screen time, even if they resist change. Help them explore calming alternatives, such as reading, listening to music, or taking a warm shower.

Help Them Manage Stress and Worries

Bedtime isn’t the best time for problem-solving. Journaling or talking through concerns during the day can help reduce nighttime overthinking and support better sleep.

Support Consistent Wake-Up Times

It’s tempting for teens to sleep in on weekends, but waking up at roughly the same time each day helps regulate sleep. Avoid turning this into a power struggle — gentle encouragement (like opening their door and letting household sounds drift in) can go a long way.

When to Seek Extra Support

Your teen’s sleep struggles aren’t laziness or defiance — they’re a regular part of adolescence.

If you’re concerned that your teen is experiencing persistent insomnia or extreme fatigue that’s affecting their well-being, mood, or school attendance, it may be time to seek extra support.

Counselling can help you explore what’s going on and find practical, personalised ways forward for you and your teen.

If sleep challenges are creating stress at home, I can help. Visit my Let’s Talk page to book a brief phone chat and see whether counselling could be a good fit.

Are you wondering why your once-chatty daughter suddenly wants more space, less advice, and more independence? It can feel like one day, she’s your little buddy, telling you every little thing about her day, and the next, it’s eye-rolls and closed doors. It’s common for fathers to feel confused, hurt, or rejected by these changes, and as a dad, you may wonder where you stand with your teen or tween daughter. If this is you, you’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone in feeling this. The truth is, both your daughter and your relationship with her are changing. And there’s a way through.

The Shifting Father–Daughter Dynamic

In early childhood, many fathers experience a close, protective bond with their daughters. But as your daughter reaches adolescence, this bond often shifts, which can feel unsettling. You may notice your daughter becoming more private, moody, dismissive or wanting more distance. This is a totally natural and to-be-expected developmental need for independence and a search for identity. And while it can feel like rejection, your presence and support still matter, just in a different way. Try not to confuse silence or withdrawal with a lack of love or respect.

Your Protective Instinct (and Why It Might Backfire)

You may feel tempted to respond to this shift by imposing more rules or restrictions. And while your intention might be from a caring place, wanting to keep your daughter safe, overprotection can feel controlling or suggest that you don’t trust your teenager. Even though it’s unintentional, overprotection can come across as “I don’t trust you to make safe choices”, leading to secrecy, defiance or, worse, her becoming more emotionally distant. The message your teen actually needs from you is, “I trust you, you’ve got this, and I’m here if you need me.”

What Daughters Really Need From Their Dads

Emotional availability: not fixing or advising, just being there.
Respect for her growing independence while still offering a safety net.
A steady presence: not taking mood swings or distance personally.
Quiet belief in her capabilities, especially in times when she doubts herself.
Boundaries that feel fair and are discussed openly rather than imposed on her.

How to Stay Close When She Wants More Space

Maintain a low-pressure connection: walking the dog, building with Lego or sharing a series.
Check-in without interrogating: “How’s your week been going?” works better than “Tell me everything that happened at school.”
Be open to deeper conversations, but don’t force them – teens will talk when they’re ready. The key is to be ready, too.
Notice the small bids for connection: even a casual comment or eye-roll might be an invitation to engage.
Share something small about your day: this models openness and gives her an easy way to connect.
Keep offering invitations: even if she doesn’t always accept them, it shows her that you care without crowding her.

Communicating Without Pushing Her Away

Don’t use blanket bans, like “You’re not allowed”. Explain your reasoning and any safety concerns instead.
Use “I” statements, such as: “I feel worried when I don’t know where you are,“ rather than “You never tell me anything.”
Invite collaboration by saying, “Help me to understand, and then maybe we can work something out together.”
Be curious rather than combative; asking, “What makes that important to you?“ is more effective than saying, “Absolutely not.”
Avoid sarcasm or put-downs – teens are sensitive to tone, even if they don’t show it.
Model the kind of communication you want: calm, respectful and reflective.

Navigating Risk and Boundaries

One of the most important jobs of an adolescent is to test limits. You did it, I did it, and your teen does it – it is how we humans learn. So, with that in mind, set clear and reasonable expectations, but leave space for mistakes or “learning opportunities”, as I like to call them. Encourage honest conversations about peer pressure, online safety and making mistakes without passing judgment. Show her how to manage errors and take responsibility; this is an essential part of healthy risk-taking.

Be open about how you’re feeling and your concerns for her, but offer guidance rather than ultimatums; otherwise, you’re just setting yourself (and her) up for disappointment. And make it crystal clear that she can always come to you, especially when things go wrong.

The push for independence is usually temporary. Try to keep your focus on the relationship in the long term, not just the latest argument or mood swing.

If things feel particularly strained, it’s okay to seek support. Counselling offers dads like you a chance to talk through worries, frustrations, and how to navigate this next phase of parenting with confidence.

And if you’re navigating puberty-related changes, like periods, you might also find my free resource helpful:

No Big Deal: A Dad’s Guide to Understanding and Talking About Periods

It’s a short, practical guide designed to help dads support their daughters through this important (and often awkward) part of growing up, with confidence and ease. You can download the PDF HERE.

Your relationship with your daughter doesn’t have to fade during the teen years – it just needs to grow with her. By staying steady, open, and connected, you’re giving her a sense of safety and belief in herself that will stay with her long after adolescence.