Have you ever found yourself wondering what on earth it is that's preventing your teen or pre-teenage child from getting things done? Why do they always leave their homework to the last minute, only to turn into a stressed-out whirlwind of anxiety as they yell at you for something you're not quite sure about but appears to be entirely your fault? Even though you've been constantly 'reminding' them about this assignment for the past week (if not longer).
Welcome to the world of teen procrastination, where the next stop is 'Yeah, I'll do it in a minute'.
Why do teenagers procrastinate?
Recognising what's going on in your adolescent's brain at this stage is key to understanding and approaching this. During adolescence, the part of the brain responsible for planning and decision-making is under considerable development, making it difficult for them to work out where to start and how to break them down into more manageable steps. No wonder they get overwhelmed.
Also, if they don't see the point of a task, they're less likely to feel motivated to complete it and, therefore, are more likely to procrastinate. Given the choice between geography homework on arable farming and checking Instagram, you can guess which option they'll be drawn to.
The parent trap (what not to do)
- Nagging and constantly reminding: This just leads to resistance (from them) and resentment (for them and you).
- Taking over the task: A fundamental part of being a teenager is learning about and developing problem-solving skills. They don't learn this when you do it for them, just because they find it hard.
- Punishing without understanding: This does not address the root cause of their avoidance and is, therefore, not helpful.
If you've fallen into any of these traps before, don't worry; you are not alone! The good news is that small tweaks in how you approach this can make a big difference.
Practical ways you can help your teen
- Break it down: Help them split tasks into smaller steps.
- Use "when and then": "When you finish your homework, then you can go on your phone."
- Teach time management skills: Set a timer — 20 minutes or so — so they focus on the task (no phones or distractions) and see how much they get done. The goal is the amount of time rather than the amount of work done or the number of words written. Look up the Pomodoro Technique — it's honestly a game-changer.
- Encourage them to find a routine: For example, your teen might come home, have a snack, do 20 to 40 minutes of homework and then gain uninterrupted access to YouTube for half an hour.
- Create external motivation: Because of where they are developmentally, your teenager is more motivated by a tangible reward than longer-term goal setting. Saying, "Writing about arable farming will help you get into the university course you want", is not a strong motivator for the teen mind. Recognition and genuine praise work much better, such as "You made arable farming sound really interesting!" or privileges they can earn, like 30 minutes of uninterrupted YouTube time if they get 40 minutes of focused work done.
- Encourage them to find potential solutions: "What would make this feel easy to get going?" rather than "Why aren't you doing this?"
Choose support over control
The jump to secondary school is big for your kids, and schoolwork and homework don't tend to get any easier. Empathise with your teen or pre-teen and recognise that they are struggling with this task. Expecting them to get on with it is not helping them find their way through.
You can show them how you manage procrastination yourself (set that 20-minute timer - it's how I'm writing this article you're reading right now!). Break tasks into smaller chunks and create a distraction-free environment. And let them experience natural consequences where possible. So, if they don't get their assignment done, they will face the consequences from school. Let them handle the outcome (within reason). Schools are very good at setting expectations and consequences, so let them.
Focusing more on how you can support your teen rather than trying to control them can help them build essential coping skills. Your teen isn't procrastinating because they're lazy or unmotivated; they might just need some guidance to find what works for them.
Seeking extra support
Some adolescents' procrastination may be related to a perfectionist tendency, a fear of failing or not doing things "right." If you feel your child's procrastination goes beyond "typical" teenage behaviour and could be linked to underlying anxiety, perfectionism or ADHD, they might need extra support and strategies to help them manage.
If you notice that procrastination is causing significant distress and leading to meltdowns, school avoidance or constant battles at home, professional support can help. Counselling can help your teen understand their challenges, build confidence and develop techniques for working through procrastination in a way that works for them.
Being there for your teen when they are procrastinating can be frustrating and exhausting. Counselling for parents can help you find practical strategies to put in place, improve communication with your teen and support them whilst looking after yourself.
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure how to help your teen stay motivated and on track, you don’t have to work it out alone. I offer supportive, practical counselling for parents of tweens and teens – whether you want a one-off session or ongoing support.
Book your 10-minute Booking Check-In Call HERE or get in touch to learn more.