Has your adult child moved back home, leaving you wondering what this new 'normal' will look like? With rising housing costs and changing job markets, an increasing number of young adults in their mid-to-late 20s are returning to live with their parents. As this typically occurs after they've experienced a taste of independence, these individuals are sometimes known as the boomerang generation. This brings unexpected changes to family dynamics, especially when everyone is adjusting to new roles under the same roof again.
Why are young adults returning home?
Back in the day, the typical life trajectory followed a pattern of completing school, moving out for work or uni, getting married, and having kids. Maybe this is the route your life took. But this is no longer the norm. It is now quite common for young adults to return home and live with their parents for an extended period after finishing their full-time education. There are multiple reasons for this, such as finishing university, job changes or redundancy, facing mental health challenges or burnout and (I'm sure you don't need me to remind you) the current cost of living crisis is putting a strain on everyone.
A shift in roles and expectations is natural, given the change from parenting your child or teenager to sharing your space with an adult, which can cause tension. You're no longer managing their life, but you are sharing a home, and it's not unexpected to feel caught between wanting to help without hovering, leaving you feeling like you're walking a tightrope. Plus, it's all too easy for old habits to reappear on both sides. They no longer need you to set curfews, expect to know where they are or do their laundry.
Common sources of tension:
- Differing routines and standards (e.g. tidiness, noise, house guests)
- Financial contributions - should they pay rent or not?
- Independence vs. involvement - what's respectful support vs. intrusion?
- Sibling dynamics (if other children are still at home)
Strategies for peaceful co-living
So, what are some practical strategies to make co-living more seamless?
- Initiate a conversation early: Have a discussion with your adult child as soon as possible. Work with them to set clear expectations together rather than just imposing rules.
- Agree on contributions: Be specific and clearly define who is responsible for household chores, financial contributions, meal planning and other shared responsibilities.
- Respect independence: They are adults now, with established lives and routines. Resist the urge to treat them in the same way you used to - they don't need parenting any more.
- Communicate openly: Why not schedule regular check-ins to discuss what's working as well as what's not going so well? Don't wait for issues to come up before addressing them.
- Set boundaries kindly: Everyone in the home should have clearly defined boundaries in place around their personal space, routines and privacy.
Looking After Yourself
Having an adult child move back home can bring a complex mix of emotions - connection, pride, frustration, and sometimes even grief for the space and freedom you once had. It’s a big transition, and it’s completely normal to find it challenging.
You might feel torn between wanting to support your child and needing to redefine your own role at home. It can also stir up old emotions or unexpected stress, especially as you all adjust to new routines, expectations, and ways of living together.
Give yourself the space and time you need to navigate this adjustment. If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, you don’t have to manage it alone - talking to a friend, partner, or counsellor can really help.
Setting clear boundaries, sharing responsibilities, and checking in regularly can make a real difference to the atmosphere at home. And don’t forget to look after your own wellbeing in the process—this is a new chapter for you too. If you’d like some support to help you find clarity, feel more confident, and move forward with ease, I’d love to help. Please feel free to get in touch and schedule a booking check-in call here.