Is there a conversation you know you need to have with your tween or teen, but just thinking about it makes your stomach churn? Few things make parents squirm quite like trying to talk about tricky topics — whether that’s sex, friendships, or online safety.
A recent report from the Children’s Commissioner described children’s exposure to online pornography as a “line in the sand”. The findings are grim: many children are stumbling across pornography by accident, sometimes as young as six, and much of what they see is violent or degrading. This shapes harmful attitudes about relationships, consent, and respect.
It’s no wonder parents feel anxious about how to start these conversations. But avoiding them leaves young people more vulnerable. So how can you make these difficult conversations a little easier?
Why Do Some Conversations Feel So Awkward?
Talking about sex, body changes, relationships, or online safety can feel uncomfortable for both parents and teens. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, coming across as judgmental, or being dismissed. Meanwhile, your child may feel embarrassed, worried they’re in trouble, or simply defensive.
Acknowledging this awkwardness is a powerful step. You can even normalise it by saying something like: “Ok, this might feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s important.” Naming it out loud reduces tension and shows you’re approaching the topic openly.
Reframe the “Big Talk” Into Ongoing Chats
It helps to think of these as ongoing conversations, not a one-off “Big Talk.” Short, casual check-ins make it much easier for your child to engage — and easier for you too. Over time, this approach builds trust and makes sensitive topics feel less daunting.
Choose the Right Moment
Timing matters. Avoid raising difficult topics during arguments or immediately after discovering an issue. Instead, pick a moment when you’re both relatively relaxed, such as while walking the dog, cooking together, or on a car journey.
Opening the Conversation
Start with curiosity rather than instruction. Try questions like:
- “What do your friends at school think about online pornography?”
- “I saw a news story about kids stumbling across content online — how do people your age feel about that?”
- “I read about this new app. Do you know how it works?”
Using a TV show, news article, or even your own experience as a springboard makes it feel less like a lecture and more like a real conversation.
Balancing Guidance and Respect
Teens value being listened to. Acknowledge their independence and perspective while also being clear about your boundaries. Framing boundaries as trust and care rather than control makes them easier for your child to accept.
Making It Easier Over Time
- Break heavy topics into smaller, bite-sized chats.
- Use resources (articles, videos, school PSHE materials) as conversation starters.
- Keep listening at the centre — most teens want to feel heard more than told what to do.
Remember: awkwardness is not a sign of failure, but a sign you’re addressing something that matters. Your child’s initial response — a grunt, eye-roll, or “whatever” — doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. They’ll take in what you’ve said and process it in their own time.
Final Thoughts
Awkward conversations with teens may never feel completely comfortable, but comfort isn’t the goal. What matters is showing your child that you’re willing to listen and talk about the things that matter, even when it feels clumsy.
The more you practise starting these conversations, the easier they become. Most importantly, you’re letting your teen know that they can always turn to you when it matters most.
If you’d like more support in navigating these conversations or other challenges with your tween or teen, I offer counselling sessions for parents. Find out more HERE.