Getting your teenager or nearly teenage child out of bed in the morning can feel like an impossible dream. You call up the stairs, remind them of the time, and somehow they’re still under the duvet ten minutes later!
If getting your teenager up and ready for school has become a daily battle, you’re certainly not alone. The good news is that there are practical ways to make mornings easier, reduce arguments and gradually help your teenager take more responsibility for getting themselves up.
Why is my teenager so hard to wake up?
Being a teenager is hard work! Your child is navigating physical, emotional and hormonal changes alongside school pressures, friendships and increasing independence. That’s a lot to cope with.
Sleep plays an important role in learning, memory, emotional regulation and healthy development. Teenagers aged 13–18 are generally recommended to get 8–10 hours of sleep each night, but getting enough sleep isn’t always straightforward.
Hormones and body clocks
During puberty, the body’s internal clock naturally shifts, meaning teenagers tend to feel sleepy later in the evening than younger children. Unfortunately, school still expects them to get up early! Add homework, social activities and late-night scrolling, and it’s easy to see how sleep can become a problem.
The teenage brain is also still developing, including the skills involved in planning, organising and managing time. Your teenager may need help establishing routines, even when they seem perfectly capable of managing other areas of their life.
Is social media keeping them awake?
Screen use can delay sleep by affecting the body’s natural sleep signals, keeping the brain engaged and eating into time that could be spent winding down.
Rather than assuming your teenager is deliberately staying awake, talk to them about what happens in the evening. Could notifications be switched off? Would charging their phone outside the bedroom help? Could you agree on a realistic wind-down routine?
It’s also worth asking whether worries about school, friendships or other difficulties are keeping them awake.
If your teenager regularly struggles to wake despite getting enough sleep, is excessively sleepy during the day, snores heavily or experiences a significant change in sleep or mood, consider speaking to your GP.
How to get your teenager out of bed: 5 practical strategies
1. Start with sleep, not discipline
Before assuming your teenager is being lazy or difficult, consider whether they’re getting enough sleep and whether their current routine meets their needs.
Talk to them about when they fall asleep, how tired they feel during the day and whether anything is worrying them.
Encourage a reasonably consistent sleep and wake-up routine throughout the week. Large shifts in bedtime and waking time at weekends can make it harder to settle back into a school-day routine, although occasional lie-ins are understandable.
You can also help by modelling healthy sleep habits yourself. Wind down before bed, reduce late-night screen use and make time to manage your own stress.
2. Make a plan together
Instead of repeatedly telling your teenager what they should be doing, involve them in working out how mornings could run more smoothly.
Ask what they think would help. Would a different alarm work better? Do they need more time to wake up properly? Are they trying to fit too much into the morning?
Agree on a realistic plan that includes a wake-up time, getting dressed, breakfast and leaving the house.
You could also agree on how much prompting you’ll give. Perhaps you’ll knock on the door once and remind them of the time, but after that it’s their responsibility to respond to their alarm.
The important thing is to agree on the plan when everyone is calm, rather than negotiating in the heat of the moment.
3. Make mornings easier the night before
A little preparation can make a surprising difference, particularly for teenagers who find organising themselves difficult.
Encourage your teenager to:
- Choose their clothes and get everything ready the night before.
- Pack their school bag and check they have what they need.
- Check their timetable to avoid last-minute surprises.
- Decide what they’ll have for breakfast.
- Set an alarm and put it somewhere they’ll need to get out of bed to switch it off.
Reducing the number of decisions they need to make first thing can make mornings less overwhelming.
If your teenager struggles with planning or organisation, a simple checklist might be more effective than a series of reminders from you.
The aim isn’t to organise everything for them, but to help them develop the skills to do it themselves.
4. Reduce the arguments and build independence
When your teenager won’t get up, it’s natural to feel responsible for getting them to school on time. You might find yourself calling up the stairs repeatedly, becoming increasingly frustrated and eventually losing your temper. But if every morning becomes a battle, the arguments can start to overshadow the actual problem.
Try to avoid lectures and criticism first thing in the morning. Your teenager is unlikely to be at their best immediately after waking, and a telling-off rarely makes them get dressed any faster. Instead, discuss the problem at a calmer time. Explain what’s worrying you, listen to their perspective and agree on what needs to change.
It’s also worth considering how much responsibility you’re taking on. Are you repeatedly reminding them about things they already know? Are you doing tasks they could manage themselves?
Young people need opportunities to practise becoming independent, including learning how to manage their time and deal with the consequences of their decisions.
Natural consequences can sometimes help. If your teenager is late because they haven’t followed the agreed routine, they may need to take responsibility for addressing the problem. However, repeated lateness might reflect anxiety, difficulties with planning or another underlying issue, rather than a simple unwillingness to cooperate.
You can trust your teenager to develop these skills while still offering guidance when they need it.
The message is: I’m here to help you work this out, but I don’t have to manage every step.
5. Use practical wake-up cues
Sometimes, a few small changes to the bedroom environment can help your teenager feel more awake.
Try these ideas:
- Use an alarm clock. An old-fashioned alarm placed just out of easy reach may encourage them to get out of bed. A sunrise alarm, which gradually increases light before waking time, is another option.
- Open the curtains. Morning daylight helps regulate the body’s internal clock and promotes alertness.
- Let the morning begin. There’s no need for everyone to tiptoe around the house, although deliberately making extra noise or sending younger siblings in to wake them is unlikely to improve family harmony!
- Encourage movement. A little stretching or moving around can help them feel more awake once they’re out of bed.
- Keep water available. Having a glass of water ready encourages hydration, although it won’t solve sleepiness on its own.
Experiment with your teenager to find what works for them. Introducing lots of new rules and gadgets at once may simply create more resistance.
What if getting up is still a struggle?
If you’ve tried different routines and practical strategies but your teenager is still finding mornings difficult, step back and look at the bigger picture. Are they getting enough sleep? Are they anxious about school? Are they struggling with friendships or academic pressure? Do they find organising themselves and moving between tasks particularly difficult?
Sometimes, the difficulty getting out of bed is only one part of a wider pattern of stress or overwhelm.
Try to stay curious about what’s happening rather than assuming your teenager is deliberately making life difficult. Understanding the reason for the behaviour gives you a much better starting point for finding a solution.
Progress doesn’t have to mean perfect mornings every day. It might mean fewer arguments, a little more independence or your teenager being more willing to talk about what’s getting in the way. Those are all worthwhile steps.
When mornings become a source of family stress
Being the parent of a tween or teenager can be challenging, particularly when everyday tasks turn into repeated arguments. It’s exhausting when you feel as though you’re having the same conversation over and over again, with little change.
Counselling for parents can give you space to explore what’s happening, understand your teenager’s behaviour and find new ways to respond. It can help you look at familiar situations differently, improve communication and work towards a calmer family life.
You don’t have to wait until things reach a crisis point to ask for help. I offer counselling for parents of tweens and teens in Chichester, West Sussex, and online across the UK.