Author: jenny.warwick27@gmail.com

It’s an old trope, but the one of the teenager staying up all hours and being nearly impossible to wake up is not far from the reality for many parents. It can be frustrating when you’re constantly battling your teen to get them up and out the door at a reasonable time. It’s also true that this isn’t about them being lazy; your tween or nearly teenage child needs their sleep more than ever due to the physical, psychological, and emotional demands of adolescence. 

So, how can you balance your teen’s sleep needs with their need to be up and out the door at a specific time so they’re not late for school? Let’s examine teenagers’ sleep cycles and how you can create a morning routine that works without setting off fireworks and gets them up and ready for the day.

Why teens need more sleep

Your child’s circadian rhythms (the 24-hour cycles of our body’s internal clock) change during puberty. This change means they become more like night owls, falling asleep and waking up later. They also need more sleep at this stage – 8-10 hours. These factors together make achieving the early start time schools expect harder. 

Also, if your child is in secondary school now, the lockdowns of the pandemic interrupted their primary school years. Remember to consider the impact these teen sleep problems and disruption will have on establishing a routine. 

The benefit of a morning routine for teens

A schedule around sleep, keeping broadly the same time to get up and the same time going to bed at night, and a routine around bedtime and morning are helpful for all of us –particularly young people. It’s tempting to have an extended sleep in over the weekend or holidays, but maintaining a consistent sleep schedule even during these times helps prevent ‘social jet lag’; when the natural sleep rhythms don’t match with the social demands of life, school or work, leading to irregular sleep patterns. 

Tip: If a regular sleep schedule for your tween or teen feels like a distant dream, try encouraging them to gradually adjust their bedtime by 15-30 minutes each night. 

Teen sleep solutions

Teens and school mornings are often a struggle and it’s important to remember that the way the morning goes depends on how the evening before went. You can reduce the potential for upset and overwhelm in the morning by taking a few steps in the evening:

• Encourage them to get their school uniform ready for the morning the night before. This reduces options and decision-making over what to wear or searching for a clean pair of socks in the morning.
• Suggest techniques to help them wind down, such as reading (a book!), taking a shower, or listening to a relaxing playlist they’ve downloaded.
• Avoid caffeine or large meals before bedtime, as these can disrupt sleep.
• Create a sleep-friendly environment – a quiet, dark, cool bedroom promotes better sleep.
• Limit screen time to at least an hour before bed. Screen time and teen sleep are linked. Do not use phones, televisions, or electronics in the bedroom! This goes for you, too – they are not conducive to a good night’s sleep.
• Set a positive example by demonstrating good sleep habits yourself. Teens often imitate their parents’ behaviours, and it’s much more challenging to have a meaningful conversation with your teenager when you’re in bed scrolling through social media.

How to help teens wake up

1. Involve your teen in creating a morning routine that includes their input and preferences. This is crucial. They are much more likely to stick with it if they have come up with the routine themselves. Tell them you’ve noticed the mornings can feel a little tense, and ask them what they think might help.
2. Get them an alarm clock that requires physical movement to turn off – have it on the other side of the room if necessary. This helps them take responsibility and ownership over waking up – you don’t need to be their alarm clock.
3. Let the natural noises and light of morning in your home into their room. Take them a cup of tea (an excellent start to anyone’s morning), and while you’re there, leave their door open and open the curtains. Exposure to natural light in the morning helps to reset their internal clock, making it easier for them to wake up.

Communication is key

It could be that anxiety, stress, or other issues are impacting their sleep. And remember to acknowledge their efforts and progress. Positive reinforcement is so much more effective than focusing solely on failures. 

When to Seek Professional Help for Sleep Problems

Change takes time, so be patient (with yourself and your child) and recognise the small wins. Some tactics will work better than others in your family, so it helps to keep your approach flexible. A good night’s sleep can make all the difference to your child, so if you’re noticing an ongoing issue with their sleep or you’re struggling, reach out for professional support. Counselling can be helpful for your teens, and counselling for parents can help you find strategies and the best ways to support them. 

Struggling with your teen’s sleep and morning routine? You don’t have to figure it out alone! Implementing these small changes can make a big difference, but support is available if you’re still facing challenges.

Book a counselling session today to get personalized strategies for managing your teen’s sleep issues and stress. Together, we can create a calmer, more peaceful home. Ready to take the first step?

Contact me HERE to learn more or schedule a session now!

As a parent or carer to a teen or nearly teenage child, you’re probably recognising just how quickly things can shift and change with them. You may have found that your relationship with them is also changing, and you’re wondering why you don’t feel as close as you once did. You’re not alone in feeling this! It’s a typical and to-be-expected part of life with an adolescent. It might not always feel like it, but it’s so important that your teenager feels connected with you during this time – they need to feel you present in their life. Being in the same room isn’t enough—you need a deeper connection to strengthen parent-teen relationships. But please don’t feel this is an impossible task; it’s about quality time with teens rather than quantity.

It can feel hard enough to remember what they’re doing and where they are, so how can you make the most of the time you spend together?

Why Quality Time is Important

• Quality time together helps strengthen the connections, empathy and trust between you and your child. It gives them (and you!) a strong foundation that makes all the difference during the ups and downs of the teen years.
• Teenagers often mirror their parents’ behaviours and values. Your teenager is watching and learning from you—more than you may realise. By keeping connected with them, you’re giving them a tangible, practical example of a positive and healthy relationship.
• A significant part of being a teen is experiencing emotions and stress – more intensely than adults do. When you proactively connect and engage with your child, you’re letting them know you have their back, meaning they feel more supported and less isolated.

Tips for Spending Quality Time

• Think about regular activities you can enjoy doing together. Again, small things can make all the difference here — you might take the dog for a walk in the evening or watch an episode of a light comedy you both enjoy. This is time together without intensity or anything too heavy and is a relatively quick win for connecting.
• Involving your teen in your interests, whether it’s working on a car, baking or break dancing. Let them see you paying attention to what you enjoy rather than keeping the focus on them.
• Show a genuine interest in the activities they enjoy. This might be sport, dance, or gaming. If you struggle to show an interest in watching someone on YouTube playing Roblox, remember why you’re doing this – to show them that their world matters to you.
• Ask about their day at school, feelings about a recent event, or thoughts on a current issue—anything to open a conversation with them.

Tip: Some/most kids don’t open up easily when asked about their day at school. Think about your timing for this – it’s not unusual for teens to be tired at the end of the school day, so give them time to decompress. Try asking them how their friends are finding school. This can make it easier for them to engage in a conversation. When they are speaking, let them lead the discussion and listen without judgment. There’s no need to jump in with a potential solution or your opinion; the idea here is to help build trust and open up communication.

Benefits of Quality Time

When you connect with your teen, they feel supported, which makes all the difference to their well-being and mental health.

Challenges to Being Present

Balancing work responsibilities with family life can be challenging, but prioritising quality time to engage with your teen will be worth it. Make the most of your time with them by minimising distractions like smartphones and social media. This goes for you as much as them! Put your devices down and focus on being present with them – a few minutes of being present with teenagers can honestly make all the difference.

Your teen will definitely notice and appreciate your efforts to connect, even though it may not look like it from the outside! I have been working with young people for a long time, and I can assure you that they do notice and they love it. Also, don’t underestimate the positive impact this will have on your well-being. When supporting teenage mental health, you also support your well-being. It really is a win-win situation. Remember that the effort you put into the relationship now will pay off in the long run, with a strong bond lasting well beyond their teen years.

Give some thought to how you can connect with your tween or teenage child. Remember, it’s about quality time, not just quantity. How often are you truly engaged and present with your child? Reflecting on this and taking proactive steps can make all the difference to your relationship.

As an added bonus, these tips for parents of teens about building connections also work in other relationships with people you care about. Give it a try and see the difference!

Are you struggling to find ways to connect with your teenage child? Are you worried about your relationship with them? Being a parent or carer when your child hits puberty can be hard! It’s okay to reach out for additional support to help you be the best possible resource for your child. Work with me to help you rediscover your emotional connection with your teens. You and your child will find ways to reconnect, build stronger bonds, and generally feel more positive about your relationship. Let’s talk.

If there’s a teen or nearly teenager in your house, it’s also likely to be someone experiencing perimenopause or menopause. Welcome to the perfect hormonal storm, where menopause and puberty collide! Both of these stages can be pretty emotionally turbulent for all involved. So, how can you help manage stress levels over this stage for you when you’re also parenting teens through puberty?

Understanding the Changes

During puberty, hormonal changes mean mood swings, increased sensitivity and your child’s identity formation as ‘A Teenager’.

Similarly, hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause and menopause also mean mood swings, increased anxiety and sleep disturbances.

Both of these stages are natural and to be expected, and they can also lead to challenges for you, your child and those around you. While you’re sharing more of the same experiences than you might realise, this increase in irritability, anxiety and mood swings can all too easily lead to misunderstandings, increasing stress within your household. Remember this is all part of the journey and is typical.

Work on Your Communication

Now is the time to think about your communication strategies. Open and honest communication between you and your teen is crucial. Practice actively listening when your kid talks about their feelings or frustrations. Put down distractions and fully focus on what they are saying. You can use your own experiences of shifting hormones to respond with empathy.

Setting aside regular times to check in with your teen to discuss feelings and challenges. Depending on your teen and how they respond, you can agree on a specific time together or set a regular reminder for yourself to check in (nonchalantly). You might initially get a terse or sarcastic response, but believe me, they will appreciate it!

Tips for Managing Stress (that will work for them and you)

Here are some parent-teen stress management strategies:

Physical Activities: Go for a walk or practice some at-home yoga to help build bonds and provide mutual stress relief.

Structured Daily Routines: Create structured daily routines to provide stability and reduce stress. Routine and structure are useful for everyone.

Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Check sleep hygiene, balanced nutrition, and regular physical activity.

Anything that promotes stress relief for parents and teens is helpful.

Look After Yourself

Taking care of yourself, especially in this puberty and menopause overlap, is not a luxury but a necessity. When you show yourself some kindness and compassion, you’re better able to be there for those around you. Think of the oxygen mask on a plane; you have to put it on yourself before you check that those around you have theirs on. Plus, it sets a great positive example for your teenage kids. When they see you looking after yourself and showing self-compassion, they’re more likely to do this for themselves. It’s a win-win situation!

Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, like hobbies, socialising with friends, or simply relaxing (maybe some time off social media!).

Create a Supportive Environment at Home

Mutual respect and patience go a long way. Make time for activities that help encourage bonding and relaxation. These might include family game nights, cooking, or simply watching a film together.

Managing stress and emotions related to life changes helps create a healthier family dynamic. You can work through these challenges more smoothly by improving communication, practising stress management techniques, taking care of yourself, and creating a supportive home environment.

If stress and emotional turbulence become overwhelming, it’s important to seek professional help. Counselling, therapy, and support groups are all great sources of support.

Would you like to feel more confident about coping with menopause and teen mood swings? Are you dealing with parenting the challenges of puberty while also experiencing perimenopause or menopause? You don’t have to manage this on your own! Contact me today to book a session for personalised support tailored to your needs. We can work together to build a healthier, happier and calmer home environment.

Any relationship can feel complicated in unique ways, and the one between mums and their daughters has an extra dimension. The media, films, and TV tend to oversimplify mother-daughter relationships as either very close or extremely tense. While it’s true that mother-daughter relationships can be profoundly fulfilling, they have some distinct challenges. The dynamic between you will continue to change and shift as your daughter moves from childhood through adolescence into adulthood. It is shaped by biological, psychological, and social influences, but when you understand these, you and your daughter can build a stronger relationship that’s based on empathy.

You and your daughter have a particular connection due to sharing the female biological and psychological experience, making the potential of this shared bond strong. This closeness can help you understand and empathise with each other’s feelings and actions. However, it can also lead to high expectations and intense emotions, none of which make the relationship any easier!

Identity and independence

As your daughter grows up, she also develops her own unique identity. And to do this, she needs to start separating from you. This desire and need for independence can lead to conflict, especially when mums find it hard to loosen their grip or daughters feel too restricted.

Adolescence is the time when this conflict becomes particularly noticeable, where you find your daughter testing your every limit while you try to offer advice and support. Finding the right balance between independence and closeness is tricky and can lead to tension.

Communication styles

Differences in communication styles between you and your daughter can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. You may rely on certain forms of communication, while your daughter, especially in this digital age, may prefer different methods. It’s important to listen and express feelings to bridge this gap actively.

Additionally, finding common ground in communication methods, such as setting aside time for face-to-face conversations, can help improve understanding and build a healthy relationship.

Be aware of your past issues

Unresolved issues from your past can resurface and affect your relationship with your daughter. Past hurts, unmet expectations or unspoken resentments can create barriers to closeness.

One way to address these issues is through counselling, which can provide a safe space to heal and move forward. Open and honest communication about these issues can help you understand each other’s perspectives and work towards resolution.

Influence of fathers and other family members

The presence and behaviour of fathers and other family members can influence the dynamics of the mother-daughter relationship. A supportive family environment helps reduce conflict and provides extra support. On the other hand, if the family dynamic is strained, it can make tensions between mothers and daughters worse. 

Adolescence and menopause: The perfect storm

Adolescence is a time of rapid physical, emotional, and psychological change for daughters, characterised by the quest for identity, increased independence, and often heightened emotional sensitivity. At the same time, mothers may be experiencing menopause, a significant life transition marked by hormonal changes, emotional fluctuations, and reflections on their own ageing and life course.

Mothers and daughters often experience these changes simultaneously (thanks, Mother Nature!), which can make your relationship even more complicated. When you and your daughter are dealing with significant internal and external changes, the emotional environment is going to be heightened.

If this is something you’re experiencing, keep in mind:

• The hormonal fluctuations of menopause can impact mood and behaviour, just as they do adolescence. Understanding that you are both experiencing heightened emotional states helps maintain empathy and patience.
• When you and your daughter are both experiencing significant life changes, miscommunication is only to be expected. Open, honest dialogue is crucial to working through misunderstandings and supporting each other through these transitions.
• Recognising the challenges each other is facing can reframe a source of tension into an opportunity to support each other. Your daughters can gain insight into the ageing process, and you can better understand the pressures of growing up in today’s world. 

Do you find yourself struggling with your relationship with your teen or nearly teenage daughter? Being a parent to a child who’s going through puberty just as you’re navigating menopause is hard. 

If this resonates with you, counselling can help improve your relationship with your adolescent child. Find out more about working with me HERE.

How to keep your Co-Parenting Relationship Healthy

Deciding to separate is difficult, especially when children are involved. However, ensuring the well-being of your children rests on maintaining a positive dynamic with your co-parent. Whether you’re recently separated or have been co-parenting for years, navigating the relationship confidently and making it respectful and cooperative is crucial. A positive co-parenting dynamic provides stability and consistency for your kids and helps both parents foster a supportive environment.

Here are some practical suggestions for building (and maintaining!) a supportive and collaborative co-parenting relationship.

Communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy co-parenting relationship. It should be clear, respectful, and consistent. Clarifying via email can be helpful, and scheduling check-ins ensures that both parents stay up to date. There are even co-parenting apps to help keep scheduling, logistics, and communication clear.

When speaking with your co-parent, actively listen to understand the other person’s perspectives. This can include paraphrasing what they’ve said to you and validating feelings. For instance, if your co-parent expresses concern about your decision, you can acknowledge their concern and explain your reasoning. When you communicate with empathy and a willingness to understand, it becomes much easier to gain perspective.

Boundaries

Define, establish, and stick to clear emotional and physical boundaries. Think of your co-parenting relationship as professional rather than built on emotions. By ‘professional relationship ‘, I mean a relationship based on mutual respect, clear communication, and a shared commitment to the well-being of your children. Keep your interactions focussed on parenting issues. Reframing your relationship this way makes boundaries clearer and easier to stick to.

Scheduling and Organising Discussions

1. Regular check-in meetings help with communication and boundaries. A consistent schedule to discuss parenting matters helps ensure you stay informed and involved in decision-making.
2. Use a shared calendar to schedule these meetings to help you both keep track and avoid scheduling conflicts.
3. Have a clear agenda of the topics to discuss, such as school updates, logistics for upcoming events, and any concerns or decisions that need to be made. Share the agenda with your co-parent beforehand so both parties can prepare. This will keep the meeting on track and ensure that all important issues are addressed efficiently.

Emotional Management

Some complicated emotions might still be floating around your ex, so emotional management is crucial to co-parenting. Acknowledging and managing your emotions, especially those related to your ex, is essential for your well-being. Mindfulness is a great way to manage stress and maintain emotional balance. Acknowledging how you’re feeling is the best start.

Think about who you have around you as your support system: friends, family, or a therapist. Don’t be afraid to reach out for eternal support.

Focus on the Children

Take a child-centred approach by prioritising your children’s needs and interests in all decisions. This makes it much easier to collaborate on parenting strategies that benefit the children.

Consistency in rules and routines between households and presenting a united front to the children makes all the difference.

Making a New Normal

Establish new routines and traditions that involve both co-parents. This will create opportunities for positive, respectful, and supportive interactions with your co-parent, benefiting everyone

Look after Yourself

Your well-being is crucial in this process. Maintain your health and happiness by doing what makes you feel good. When you are happy, those around you can be well and happy. Don’t underestimate the power of self-care. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for you to be the best parent you can be.

Conflict Resolution

If/when things don’t go well, keep disputes away from the children. Try to find a constructive resolution for any disagreements. If necessary, consider professional mediation. Having a neutral third party can help you find solutions.

Professional Guidance

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Professional guidance, such as counselling, can provide strategies for effective co-parenting. Resources such as books, workshops, and online materials can also enhance your co-parenting skills. Seeking professional guidance can reassure you that you’re on the right track and provide the support you need.

Remember, the goal is to create a stable and nurturing environment for your children while respecting and cooperating with your co-parent. You can maintain a healthy and supportive co-parenting relationship by focusing on clear communication, setting boundaries, prioritising your children’s needs, and caring for your emotions and well-being. Stay focused on this goal, and you’ll see the positive impact on your children’s well-being.

If you have any questions or need further guidance on co-parenting, I’m here to help. As a counsellor with experience supporting parents through these transitions, I can provide personalised strategies and support tailored to your unique situation. Visit my contact page here to learn how to work together to ensure a positive co-parenting experience for you and your children. You can find more information about my services and how I can assist you in maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship.

One moment, you’re besties, sharing jokes, friendship bracelets, and adventures. The next, you’re faced with a barrage of eye-rolls, grunts, and mumbles where you’re not quite sure what they just said, but you’re pretty sure it wasn’t very friendly. This might escalate to all-out declarations of war. But remember, this is all part of the standard stage of teenage development, which I call ‘the Great Pushback’. It’s a period where your teen is asserting their independence, testing boundaries, and trying to figure out who they are. It can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that this is a normal part of their growth and development, not a sign of a problem.

Understanding adolescent development is not just helpful; it’s pivotal. It gives you a solid base and a framework to understand what is happening. It recognises that this is a to-be-expected part of parenting a teen or nearly teen. This knowledge empowers you to navigate this stage with confidence. This stress on understanding can make you feel more prepared and less anxious about the challenges that come with parenting a teenager.

Understanding Adolescent Development

The hormonal changes associated with puberty should not be underestimated. They profoundly affect your child’s mood and behaviour, often leading to unexpected reactions and outbursts. The teenage brain undergoes significant growth and changes. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation, is still developing. This means that your teen is not only dealing with intense emotions but also learning to make decisions and regulate these emotions. Add the work on developing decision-making skills; you have quite the heady mix.

Independence and Identity Formation

The teenage years are a time of seeking independence and exploring identity. This natural desire to break free and find autonomy can often lead to clashes with parents and carers. Your teen is also trying to figure out who they are in this pivotal stage. They need to constantly push boundaries and test limits, which means they are testing your limits as well! To manage these conflicts, it’s important to set clear boundaries, encourage open communication, and respect their need for independence while providing guidance and support.

Communication Breakdown

Teenagers often feel misunderstood due to differing perspectives. As an adult, you may have a more experienced and rational viewpoint than your teenager. However, consider the impact before sharing this with them, as it might not be well received. Have you ever been told you’re being irrational when disagreeing with someone? There’s a fair chance that it’s your teen who says this to you! It doesn’t feel great and could be more helpful.

Nevertheless, it’s essential to remember this. This is why there can be misunderstandings and communication barriers. Remember, their perspective is valid, even if it’s different from yours.

Peer Influence

Relationships with peers become increasingly important for teenagers. Social pressure might cause teens to prioritise friends over family, leading to conflicts at home. Teens seek peer approval, leading to clashes with family values or rules.

Emotional Intensity

Adolescence is intense, and teens may not always know how to manage these feelings effectively. Small issues can seem like huge problems to teens, leading to overreactions and exaggerated responses.

Parental Expectations

The weight of your expectations can feel more substantial and overwhelming to your teens than you realise. Your expectations may seem obvious and reasonable to you, but they can overwhelm your teenager. Talk to them to help gauge what is and isn’t sensible. It can be a balancing act, but balancing support, freedom, guidance, and independence is important. This balance can change and evolve as your teen gets older and has more responsibilities at home and school. One way to achieve this balance is to involve your teen in setting expectations and rules, allowing them to have a say in their own life while respecting your authority as a parent.

Signs of Deeper Issues

If you are experiencing ongoing and particularly strained conflicts with your adolescent child, it could be an indication of an underlying issue such as depression or anxiety. Signs to look out for include:

• Persistent sadness.
• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns.
• Social withdrawal.
• A significant drop in academic performance.

If you are worried that deeper issues may be at play, seeking professional help is essential.

Conclusion

Navigating the teenage years can be challenging for both parents and teens. Understanding the developmental changes and the intense emotions your teen is experiencing can help you approach conflicts with empathy and patience. The most crucial tool in your arsenal is open communication. By fostering a safe and open environment for your teen to express themselves, you can work together to overcome these challenges. Remember, this phase is a normal part of growing up. You and your teen can get through it together with time, support, and open communication. This emphasis on open communication can empower you to build a stronger relationship with your teen.

If anything I’ve said resonates with you, please don’t hesitate to get in touch HERE. Counselling with me can help you find effective strategies and solutions to support your teenager.

Helping your teen find independence is a crucial aspect of their development. This is when young people will naturally start to challenge authority and seek autonomy, the ability to decide what to do rather than being influenced or told what to do by someone else. While this behaviour is typical during adolescence and is essential for their growth, it can also be challenging for their parents and carers.

One moment, your child sees you as a source of knowledge and wisdom; the next, they treat you like you know nothing. Despite the instinct to protect and guide, allowing teens to explore their independence to meet their psychological and emotional needs is essential.

For instance, empowering your teen to make their own decisions, such as choosing extracurricular activities and managing their study schedules, can significantly boost their self-esteem. Successfully navigating these choices reinforces their confidence in their abilities and judgment, reassuring you that you’re effectively encouraging their independence. 

Granting teens the autonomy to handle conflicts with their peers and manage their responsibilities, such as budgeting, helps them develop crucial problem-solving skills. This ability to think critically and independently will help prepare them for the challenges of adulthood.

Setting clear boundaries and expectations

Establishing clear and consistent boundaries is crucial for maintaining safety and structure. For example, knocking before entering their room shows your teen that you respect their need for independence and personal space. At the same time, it’s reasonable to expect them to keep their room tidy by putting dirty clothes in the laundry, clearing used dishes, and ensuring their floor is (more or less) clear.

Remember to:

1. Be specific – Use straightforward language. Avoid vague instructions like “Tidy your room”. Instead, be precise by stating tasks such as “Put your dirty clothes in the laundry, use crockery in the kitchen every day, and keep the floor clear of clutter to keep your room tidy.”
2. Provide reasoning – Teens are more likely to respect boundaries when they understand their logic. For instance, explain that keeping their room clean creates a comfortable space for them to relax and study, and it also makes it easier to find things, reducing stress.
3. Involve them in decision-making – For instance, when it comes to keeping their room clean, you could ask, “What do you think is a reasonable way to ensure your room stays clean?” This involves them in the decision-making process and makes them feel respected and more likely to comply with the rules.
4. Outline consequences – Clearly outline them so they understand the implications of not respecting boundaries. For example, you could say, “If you don’t put your dirty clothes in the laundry regularly, they won’t get washed, and you’ll have to wear them dirty.” Also, discuss reducing some of their privileges until their room is clean.

How to teach teens to be more responsible

Maintain open communication

Stress the significance of keeping lines of communication open. It’s crucial to have honest and respectful conversations, even about challenging topics. This will make you feel more connected and involved in your teen’s life, fostering a stronger relationship.

Balance freedom with guidance.

By being supportive yet non-intrusive in your teenager’s life, you can allow them to make their own decisions while still providing guidance.

Recognise and respect individuality.

Acknowledge and respect your teen’s unique personality, interests, and opinions. Show interest in their passions and hobbies, even if they differ from your own.

Deal with conflicts and misunderstandings

Handle conflicts and misunderstandings calmly and constructively. Empathy is essential here—try to see things from their perspective to understand better how to resolve issues.

Promote problem-solving skills

Teach your teen problem-solving skills and how to approach challenges independently. Guide them through making decisions and solving problems rather than stepping in to fix things for them.

Model independence and responsibility

Model-independent and responsible behaviour by demonstrating how you manage tasks and commitments. Share how you plan your day, handle chores, and balance work and personal life. For example, you could show them how you manage your work deadlines and household chores or how you make time for your hobbies and personal interests.

Seek professional help when needed.

Remember, seeking professional help, such as counselling for parents, is always an option if navigating your teen’s independence becomes particularly challenging. This reassurance should make you feel supported and understood, knowing that help is available when you need it.

Do you have a teen or nearly teenage child and need help boosting their independence? I specialise in supporting parents and carers in developing strategies for their teen’s growth. Contact me today, and let’s work together to build a positive and empowering environment for your teen.

Bullying can cause long-lasting harm to a young person’s mental health and overall well-being. Discovering that your teenager is being bullied can be highly distressing for you as a parent or caregiver. However, there are strategies you can employ to provide support and guidance to help them navigate through this difficult experience.

Bullying is when a person or group deliberately and repeatedly hurts another person or group, usually happening when there is an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical (hitting or pushing, for example), verbal (such as name-calling, teasing, or saying mean things), or psychological (like spreading rumours, manipulating social relationships, or threatening to reveal personal information). It can happen in person or online (cyberbullying), which involves using digital technology to harass, humiliate, or send hurtful messages.

The impact of bullying can be devastating to a young person’s mental health and well-being, especially when it continues over time.

It’s important to note that having disagreements, arguments, or experiencing occasional hurtful comments from friends or peers does not constitute bullying. Bullying involves repeated mean and hurtful behaviour.

Signs of Bullying

Recognizing signs of bullying in teenagers can be more challenging than in younger children because teens may feel ashamed or afraid and may not confide in you. Here are some common signs that might indicate your tween or teenage child is being bullied:

• Changes in behaviour: Becoming more isolated, having trouble sleeping, asking you for money
• Withdrawal from social activities or suddenly deleting social media accounts
• Physical: Unexplained injuries, regularly complaining of headaches or stomach aches
• Reluctance to go to school or changes in academic performance

Communication is Key

It’s important to keep lines of communication open. When teenagers feel safe and know they won’t be judged, they find it much easier to talk about their experiences. Listen to them without interrupting, and don’t jump in offering immediate solutions. They want to feel heard and understood. Let them know that:

• They were right to speak to you about what is happening, even though it might have been hard
• Bullying is never ok
• This is not their fault
• You will work with them to make things better

Having worked with young people for over ten years, I often hear from them that they don’t want to worry their parents or carers. By keeping communication open and maintaining your connection, your teen will feel more confident that you can work out potential solutions together.

Practical Steps

• Documenting Incidents: Keep a record of bullying incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions. Encourage your teen to write down what happened as soon as possible after the incident. If the situation escalates, this record can be used as evidence when reporting the bullying to the school or authorities.
• Developing a Plan: Collaborate with your teen to establish a plan of action, including how to respond to bullying, who to approach for help, and what steps to take if the bullying continues.

When to Involve the School

When dealing with bullying, involving the school is important, but the first step is to talk to your child. Reassure them that you are in this together. When discussing the bullying with their head of year or pastoral lead, be specific about the incidents and their impact on your child. Ask about the school’s policy on bullying and what measures will be taken to address the issue. It’s important to approach this conversation calmly and constructively, focusing on finding a solution.

Advocate for your teen by staying informed about the school’s actions. Avoid involving the other child or their parents directly, as this is more likely to make the situation worse. It’s much better to work with the school on this.

Professional Help

If your teen is being severely affected by bullying, therapy can provide a safe space for them to process their experiences and develop healthy coping strategies. This can be done through the school or privately. However, it’s important to talk to your child about this first and not go over their head; getting their buy-in is crucial.

Dealing with bullying is a continuous journey that requires your commitment and alertness. Your ongoing support is crucial in helping your adolescent child navigate this difficult situation and build resilience for the future.

If anything I’ve said resonates with you, please don’t hesitate to get in touch HERE. Counselling with me can help you find effective strategies and solutions to support your teenager.

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT): A Unique Approach to Parenting Challenges

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) is a unique approach to addressing parenting challenges. It is a short-term therapy typically consisting of six to eight 50-minute sessions. The time commitment can vary depending on the complexity and progress of your challenges. We will collaborate during each session to establish clear and achievable goals. You will be asked targeted questions to find solutions, and together, you will develop a plan to track your progress. The therapy involves shifting the focus from dwelling on problems to actively seeking solutions that can enhance family dynamics and relationships.

Key Elements of SFBT for Parenting:

1. Goal Setting Establishing clear and achievable goals or aims for the sessions is central to SFBT. For instance, you might set goals to improve communication between you and your teen, to minimise conflict, or to build a more positive and healthy parent-child relationship. By answering questions such as ‘What are some of the positive aspects of your current relationship with your teen?’ or ‘What strategies have you tried in the past that have worked? ‘, you can gain new perspectives, generate creative ideas, and identify actionable steps.
2. Present and Future Focus: While the family you grew up in and your teen experiences are relevant, SFBT concentrates on the present and looks to the future rather than digging deep into past issues. This forward-thinking approach empowers you to visualise and work towards positive outcomes, recognising and amplifying your strengths and resources. By highlighting and reminding you of these strengths in sessions, you gain the confidence and resilience to tackle challenges, making you feel more in control and confident in your parenting journey.

Real-Life Example: Improving Communication with a Teen

For instance, if you’re experiencing difficulties communicating with your teenager, leading to frequent arguments and a growing sense of distance, we can work together to address this. During our sessions, we will:

– Establish clear objectives.

– Identify strengths and available resources.

– Ask targeted questions to focus on finding solutions.

– Develop a plan and track your progress.

Our collaborative efforts will help you determine your strengths, recognise interactions that are positive, and create a plan for engaging in active listening and having non-confrontational conversations with your teenager. Subsequent sessions will involve assessing progress and celebrating small victories.

Benefits of SFBT for Parents:

Collaborative and Client-Led: SFBT strongly emphasises the partnership between the therapist and the client. As your therapist, I guide the process by asking questions and providing support, but this doesn’t mean you are a passive recipient of solutions. You are an active participant in problem-solving and decision-making, leading to greater ownership and empowerment. I am here to support and guide you, but the solutions and progress come from you and your family.

Quick and Effective: It works! Focusing on practical solutions and working with your strengths, SFBT can produce positive results relatively quickly, making it especially appealing to busy parents like you. This gives you hope and reassurance that positive change is within reach.

Adaptability: SFBT is not a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s highly adaptable and can be tailored to address a wide range of parenting challenges, from communication issues and boundary-setting to navigating transitions and nurturing resilience in children and teens. This adaptability ensures that your unique parenting challenges can be effectively addressed, making you feel understood and catered to.

Celebrating Progress: Throughout the therapeutic process, SFBT strongly emphasises celebrating even small victories and progress toward goals. This emphasis on recognising and reinforcing positive change is not just a feel-good exercise. It’s a powerful motivator that can help you stay on track and contribute to ongoing success.

Continued Growth and Learning: SFBT encourages a mindset of continuous growth and learning for both you and your children. By promoting resilience and equipping you with practical skills and strategies, SFBT helps you navigate the ever-changing parenting landscape. It’s not just about solving the challenges you’re facing now. It’s about building the skills and resilience to face future challenges confidently.

SOLUTION-FOCUSED BRIEF THERAPY (SFBT) provides an active and practical approach to addressing parenting challenges. By focusing on the present and future, leveraging strengths, and collaborating with your therapist, SFBT can create significant and lasting improvements in family dynamics. However, it’s important to note that, like any therapy, there may be potential risks or challenges. These can include the need for active participation and commitment, potential discomfort as challenging issues are confronted, or additional sessions if goals are not met within the initial timeframe.

Whether it’s communication issues, conflicts, or other parenting challenges, SFBT offers a structured and supportive method for positive change. The benefits of SFBT for parents are clear: it’s collaborative, client-led, quick, effective, adaptable, and promotes ongoing growth and learning.

Counselling can be a valuable resource if you’re struggling with parenting your teen or nearly teenage child. Don’t feel like you have to figure it out alone – I specialise in adolescent issues and am here to help. Get in touch to learn more about how we can work together.

Are you concerned that your teenager or pre-teen is overly attached to their smartphone? Do you find it hard to get more than one-word answers because they’re always looking at their screens? Adolescents and children can spend significant time on their phones, whether scrolling through social media, playing games, or chatting with friends. As a parent or carer, you may be worried about the impact of this behaviour on your child’s well-being, including their mood, concentration, and overall mental health.

With smartphones so common, managing your teen’s screen time can feel challenging. However, as a parent, you play a crucial role in this. According to Ofcom’s Children’s Media Literacy Report 2024, by the time they’re 11, nine out of ten kids own a mobile phone. This marks a significant change in how young people interact with technology, and it’s up to you to guide them.

While negative media coverage of children and young people online is prevalent, it’s important to remember that screen time and technology are not entirely negative. In fact, they can be beneficial for tweens and teens, who use their phones for various reasons, including schoolwork, playing games, and entertainment.

The positives of screentime

Some positive aspects of screentime for adolescents include:

1. Social Connection: Social media helps teens stay in touch with family and friends, especially those who live far away. It also offers online communities where teens can find support, share their interests, and build relationships with like-minded peers.
2. Creative Expression: Technology allows teens to explore and develop their creative talents. This includes photography, video editing, graphic design apps, and coding.
3. Skill Development: Multiplayer online games can help teens develop teamwork, communication, and problem-solving skills. Social media management can also teach digital marketing and networking skills.
4. Access to Diverse Perspectives: Social media, news apps, and online forums allow teens to engage with different perspectives, broadening their understanding of global issues and helping them develop empathy and tolerance (and couldn’t we all do with more of this?).
5. Empowerment and Advocacy: Technology can be used for social change. It can help raise awareness about social justice issues, organise events through social media, or participate in online activism.

Finding a balance

However, finding a balance between online and real life is essential and it’s wise to assess each situation and child individually.

So, how much is too much when it comes to your teen’s smartphone use?

Ask yourself:

• Are they physically healthy?
• Are they getting enough sleep?
• Are they keeping up with their hobbies and interests?
• Are they catching up with their friends (online or offline)?
• Are they doing ok at school?

It’s crucial for parents to play an active role in helping their teens find a healthy balance and sensible use of technology. Here are some strategies to manage your teen’s (and your own) screen time and tech:

1. Model healthy smartphone habits: Children learn from the habits of the adults around them, so to set clear boundaries, it’s best to establish these healthy habits for yourself first.
2. Implement screen-free zones for the whole family—no phones at the dinner table is a good baseline. No electronics in bedrooms after a specific time is another boundary well worth putting in place. For instance, you could set a tech cutoff time for the whole family at 9 p.m.
3. When establishing these guidelines, it is important to have an open conversation with your teenager. This approach is more likely to gain their acceptance and cooperation. Be ready to review these rules regularly, every few months, as devices and needs evolve. Schedule regular family dinners or social gatherings without smartphones to encourage face-to-face communication and meaningful connections with family and friends.
4. Add these to your family routines. Establishing clear rules for everyone, such as setting certain times as family time, can prevent arguments about social media use. This way, everyone can enjoy quality time together without any distractions.
5. Give them the chance to practice managing their screen time. There’s a balance between monitoring and trusting them to work it out. Having a sense of autonomy over their use will make it much more likely for them to stick to the family screen time rules. Encouraging them to think about the positives of maintaining a healthy balance helps.
6. Encourage your teen to maintain a balance between online and offline activities. Remind them to engage in the offline activities they enjoy, such as playing games with friends, having face-to-face social interactions, and pursuing creative hobbies.
7. Discussing important issues such as cyberbullying, online privacy, and digital footprints with your teen is crucial. This not only helps them become responsible digital citizens but also fosters a sense of open communication and trust.

You can help your teen use their smartphones safely, respectfully, and ethically by keeping communication open.

Do you have concerns about your teen’s smartphone or tech use? Are you worried about the impact this is having on their well-being? As a counsellor specialising in working with parents of tweens and teens, I’m here to help you navigate the challenges of the digital age and create healthy online habits. Contact me HERE today to find out more and schedule a session.