Has a recent breakup left you feeling like your world has tipped upside down? Are you wondering if you’ll ever feel happy again? Perhaps you’re feeling relieved, pleased to have got out in one piece. Breakups are never easy, but there are ways to cope with the pain and move on. They are part of life – everyone goes through breakups at some point, and they make it through. So if you’re going through a breakup, know that you’re not alone and that there are things you can do to help yourself. Breakups are a part of life, but they don’t have to define you.

1. Give yourself time to grieve.

Feeling your feelings is OK, so don’t be hard on yourself. You might want to move on quickly and get back on track, but getting over a relationship can take some time, so be kind to yourself. Whether the breakup was for the best or you’re struggling to make sense of it, allow yourself time to grieve. It is a loss, and you need time to process your feelings. Remember that this feeling won’t last forever. You’ll have good and not-so-good days but will get through this in time.

2. Look after yourself

Look after your basic needs; ensure you’re nourishing yourself with healthy food, getting enough sleep, getting outside, and moving your body. When you look after your physical health, you can better cope with the stress of a breakup. Think of the things you do that you find relaxing; reading a book, watching a film, going for a walk. Do them.

3. Stay active

Focus on the things that make you feel good and spend time with the people who make you happy. It could be that you have more time on your hands now that you’re not with your ex. Planning, especially for weekends, can help. Watch out for alcohol and other drug use at this time, however. It might feel like they help in the short term, but they will make you feel worse in the longer term. Remember, your focus is on healing.

4. Be patient

There’s no time frame for a breakup; different people heal at their own pace, so be patient with yourself. You don’t need to compare yourself to others and how they have dealt with breakups – keep your focus on yourself and your journey.

5. Give yourself space

It’s OK to avoid the other person for a little while, in person and online. You don’t need to shut them out of your life entirely, but you might find putting some practical blocks in to protect your space and avoid bumping into them when you’re not ready.

6. Talk it through

Talking about your breakup with friends or family can help you understand what happened. There’s also something quite therapeutic about your friends agreeing that you’re better off without your ex! They can also help you see other perspectives, look after yourself, give you some great distractions, and remind you that you can still have fun.

A quick point on rebound relationships:

Rebound relationships are a thing, but giving yourself time before beginning another relationship is better. Think about what you want your next relationship to be like; what does a healthy, positive relationship look like?

If you’re struggling to cope with a breakup and want to help things make sense again, please contact me HERE. I specialise in single-session therapy, which can help you quickly resolve one particular issue. You’ll process your emotions, find coping mechanisms, and move on.

Are you wondering what happened to the easy-going chats you anticipated having with your teenage child? Are your attempts to ask about their day met with a grunt or, even worse, an eye roll? Does this leave you feeling insecure and wondering how you can improve things between you?

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging. They’re going through many changes and often feel insecure and unsure of themselves. But staying connected with them is crucial, even when it’s tough. They are watching and learning from you. Show them how positive, respectful communication looks, sounds and feels.

7 tips for better communication with your teenager

Here are some tips to help you build strong connections and good communication with your teenager:

1. More listening, less talking

This is number one on this list for a reason! It’s vital that your child feels heard and understood. Give them your full attention when they choose to talk to you. It can be tempting to jump in with a ‘fix’ for any issues they might face, but they need to feel heard most.

2. Actively listen

Pay attention to what they are saying. Ask questions to clarify and summarise the points they’ve made back to them, ensuring you understand what they are saying. Watch your body language and tone of voice – teens are very aware of this! Let them see that you are listening and are interested.

3. No judging

Respect their feelings and opinions even if you disagree with what they’re saying. Teens are going through many changes, often feeling insecure and unsure of themselves. Give them some slack. A study by the NSPCC found that 80% of teenagers said they would feel more comfortable talking to their parents about important issues if they thought their parents would listen to them without judging them.

4. Watch your language

Sarcasm and shouting don’t help. Focus on using calm and assertive communication.

5. Honesty for the win

If you can share your thoughts and feelings with them, it will be easier for them to be open and honest with you. Show them you are willing to listen. This also means being nice and clear about your expectations and rules.

6. Find common ground

This could be sharing a hobby, watching a TV show together (even better if it’s one they’ve chosen), or just talking about your day. Ask them what they’re interested in and respect their interests (even if you don’t understand them). Share your interests with them, something you’ve liked since you were their age or something you’ve gotten into more recently.

7. Make one-to-one time

It is vital as your teen gets older and starts spending more time with their friends. Aim for quality over quantity; even a few minutes a day of focused time connecting makes a world of difference to them. Go for a walk together, or discuss current events with them.

Here are some additional tips for you:

• Be patient. It takes time to build trust and communication with teens. You won’t see results overnight, but these will make a difference that will grow over time. And they will notice.
• Be yourself. Teens can spot a fake a mile off! And they will let you know.
• Have fun! Connecting with your teen should be enjoyable for both of you. If you aren’t enjoying the conversation, your teen won’t be either.

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that they are still growing and learning. Following these tips can create a more open and supportive environment for positive communication with your teenager. And positive communication is vital; it helps with their self-esteem and sets them up for healthy relationships outside of the family with their peers and romantic partners.

If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, why not get in touch HERE to see how I can help?

Are you smashing your career goals but at a cost to your mental health? Are you putting all you can into your work and professional network and still needing more? And you’re wondering when you can find the time to catch up with the people who matter to you, let alone have the time for self-care?

Balancing your career and personal life whilst keeping yourself well is challenging!

Tips to help you build your career, maintain relationships, and keep yourself together

• Define your priorities – 

  What truly matters to you? Work, family, friends, health? All of these are important, so it’s helpful to consider how to proportion these to keep yourself well and happy. What are the things you do and the people you hang out with make you feel good? You cannot give 100% of yourself to all areas of your life all the time. When you’re thinking of your career goals, it helps to remember what matters to you to help you align between these and work.

• Establish boundaries –

  Boundaries are everything! Work out clear time boundaries around work, home, relaxation, social life, and hobbies. Burnout is real and happens when you don’t have these boundaries firm and let work seep into every area of your life.

• Practice time management –

  Time blocking and prioritising tasks by time and order of importance can be helpful. I set timers all the time – 20 minutes or so of concerted concentration gets a lot done! You could look up the Pomodoro technique, for example, which is really helpful if you have an ADHD brain. Apps such as Forest are great for this.  Multitasking is overrated – tackle one thing at a time; it makes it much easier to get tasks done.

• Foster communication and collaboration –

  Keep communication open with colleagues, managers, and loved ones. Let them know if you need help to get through. When you express your needs to others, they can help you find solutions or to accept the answers you’ve discovered for yourself. Delegate! Share tasks, not just at work but at home – asking for help is a strength.

• Prioritise self-care –

  Self-care can sometimes feel like another task but consider it by putting yourself on your to-do list. You cannot give your best self when you are wrung out and exhausted. Give yourself the time to exercise and get outside, to do your hobbies – do them because they make you feel good. I may not always feel like yoga, but I always enjoy it once it’s done. Make sure you take time to disconnect from tech often and regularly. Looking after yourself means being more productive while maintaining your mental health.

• Set realistic goals –

  Balancing long-term and short-term goals helps avoid burnout and maintains motivation. What do you want your life to look like in 5 years? Let yourself daydream about this and then work backwards. To help with shorter-term goals, at the end of your working day, set yourself three tasks you want to focus on for the next day.

• Seek support systems –

  Find others to see how they manage (or don’t manage!) their work-life balance. Networking isn’t just about work but about sharing experiences. Seek out mentors to help guide you professionally and personally.

Work-life balance is not a one size fits all concept. Work out what works best for you by reviewing how you’re doing – professionally and in yourself and your well-being. Remember that things change – being flexible and adapting to change is essential.

Are you ready to experience the benefits of single-session therapy? Find out more about an Empower Hour and book your session today!

Do you believe that, whatever you do for your children, it is never enough? Do you question every decision you make? Do you worry you’re letting your children down and not doing enough for them to thrive? You doubt your parenting, feel you are inadequate as a mother, and that you will never be good enough for your kids.

This is sometimes referred to as parental imposter syndrome. Just to clarify, this doesn’t mean it’s a diagnosable condition – it’s all too common!

What is imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon that causes you to doubt your abilities, leaving you feeling like a fraud despite all the evidence of your skills and accomplishments. It affects your well-being and your confidence getting in the way of you being able to get on and parent your kids.

How does imposter syndrome show up for parents?

• You constantly compare yourself to other parents, feeling like you’re coming up short.
• You feel like you’re not doing a good enough job as a parent.
• You worry that you’re making mistakes and messing up your child’s chances of being well and happy.
• You feel like you’re faking it – it’s only a matter of time until people find out you don’t know what you’re doing.
• You avoid social situations where other parents will be because you worry they will judge you.
• You feel isolated and alone, the only parent struggling, and no one will understand your feelings.

First, knowing that you are not the only parent feeling like this is essential! It’s all too common. You might be feeling like you’re not hitting the mark, but that doesn’t mean that you are not being good enough. The media constantly bombards us with images of ‘perfect’ families and parents, and social media is not helping. Comparison to other parents can leave you feeling like you’re not doing well. When it comes to perfectionism, you don’t expect your children to be perfect, so why do you expect that you have to be perfect?

Stress can also add to feeling inadequate and doubting yourself. Being a parent can be very stressful, and it doesn’t get any easier when your kids hit the teen years. If you are not getting the support you need from the people around you, your partner, family or friends, it can also really impact your feelings that you’re not a good enough parent.

What can help with parental imposter syndrome?

• Remember that you are not alone in feeling like this. Parental imposter syndrome is widespread, and many parents feel the way you do – even ones you might not expect.
• Share your experiences – talking to someone you trust can help you to feel less alone. Finding out other parents are experiencing this helps to normalise how you’re feeling – it’s not just you – talking about it will help them and you.
• Challenge that negative voice in your head by focusing on your strengths as a parent. Notice when you’re getting it right! Even if it’s something small like your teen giving you an out-of-the-blue hug or kiss before they plug back into their phone.
• Try not to compare – it’s pointless! That’s the thing about comparing yourself to others, there’s always going to be someone doing better than you, and there’s always someone doing worse. What is important is how you are doing.
• Be kind to yourself – or if that feels like an impossible dream, how about being a bit less mean to yourself on occasion? Remember that your kids are looking to you and learning to look after themselves. Why not show them what self-compassion looks like?
• You will make mistakes. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, remember? What counts is how you come back from mistakes. Acknowledge you got it wrong, apologise if necessary and then move on.

Finally, seek professional help if you’re struggling with imposter syndrome. I work with parents to help them understand and manage their feelings and to develop coping strategies. I will help you to see the parenting wood for the trees and help you recognise that you’re just the parent your child needs.

If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, why not get in touch HERE to see how I can help?

Is your teenage child finding school difficult? Are they struggling to make it in? Are they coming home and unleashing their overwhelmed feelings on you? School is important, not just for learning maths and geography, but also for getting on with others and functioning in society.

When you realise they are struggling at school, the first step is to determine their reason. Talk to them about it and ask them to help you understand the issue from their perspective. If they don’t want to talk to you about it (which is quite normal for teenagers!), speak with their school to see if they can shed any light on it. 

Why is my child finding school difficult?

Some reasons could be:

• There is an issue with friendships. 
• They are being bullied.
• They are struggling with the work. Or they feel they have fallen too far behind.
• They are having problems with one of the teachers.
• There is an issue at home.
• They may have mental health issues.
• They may have learning difficulties or conditions that make school hard such as autism or ADHD.

How can I work out what is happening?

• Talk to them – it could be a problem with their friends or teachers, or they may struggle with the work.
• Work with the school – let your child know you will do this, so you can all work together to help them return.
• Speak to them about talking to a counsellor about their worries or fears about school.

Your child must go to school while this is happening – school is not just about learning academic stuff; it’s crucial for them socially and developmentally. Avoiding a difficult situation doesn’t help with anxiety; it feeds it. Physically going to school helps them remember they can do it, allowing them to find their confidence and resilience. Getting back to school is much easier if you haven’t been away from it for too long. 

Working with the school as a team is the best way to get your child back there. Talk with their tutor or head of year. 

• Let them know what’s happening from your perspective and what your child has told you is the issue.
• If the problem is bullying, let them know how this is impacting your child and ask them what strategies they have in place to manage or, better still, prevent bullying.
• Ask what support staff are available to help, such as the school counsellor or wellbeing team.
• If they are having difficulties due to a disability or neurodivergence, such as autism or ADHD, ask what the school has in place to support them.
• Make sure to ask for regular updates. 

Work with your child and the school to formulate a plan of action to move forward.

How do I talk to my child about this?

1. Staying calm is the goal here. If your child sees you’re stressed, upset or angry, they will pick up on this, worsening their anxiety.
2. Show them you understand and still expect them to attend school: “I can see that you’re worried about going to school, but you do need to go.”
3. Routines for the morning and evening are helpful for everyone. Having everything ready to go the evening before helps set up a calm start to the day.
4. Avoid getting into negotiations (teens love to negotiate) by being transparent, “When you’re at school tomorrow, you can…” rather than “If you go to school …”
5. Notice, acknowledge and praise them when they are taking steps to go in: “I know this is hard, but well done for getting your bag ready.”
6. If they don’t attend school, try not to reward this accidentally. No school means no television or electronics, for example. Make staying at home boring!

If you are worried about your child’s difficulty engaging with and going to school, you don’t have to resolve it alone – work with your child and the school to help.

And, most importantly, don’t forget to look after yourself! When you are feeling well, it’s much easier to help other people. 

Getting your own counselling can help. I work online with parents and carers to help them feel more confident in their parenting. If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, get in touch to learn more about how we can work together.

When you find you have a particular issue that you want help with sooner rather than later, an Empower Hour of single-session therapy can help.

Rather than a specific counselling approach, single-session therapy is designed to help you address a particular problem or issue in one session. It is based on the view that people have the resources and strengths to solve problems. As your therapist, I will help you identify and access these resources. 

When you enter the session, we will have an agreed focus, and you will leave it with a plan for your next steps, making it bespoke and specially tailored to meet your needs when you have the session. The session’s focus is then to help you identify and implement solutions to your issue. 

Single-session therapy is a one-time session of solution-focused, brief therapy to help you quickly resolve one specific issue by offering you short-term support and guidance. After your Empower Hour, you can act and move forward independently. However, it is essential to note that the therapy doesn’t have to stop there. They can be made available if we agree that more sessions would be helpful. 

While single-session therapy is a relatively new approach to therapy, it is effective for various concerns. Research has shown that single-session therapy can be effective for anxiety, depression, stress, relationship problems, family and parenting issues, work issues and life transitions. Some problems need more in-depth support than a single session can provide, and your therapist will advise you on this.

An Empower Hour with me will help you to:

• Navigate challenges in your relationships and find ways to communicate more effectively.
• Find the right tools and coping mechanisms to help you manage your anxiety and stress.
• Give you the support and guidance you need to help you handle transitions and changes.
• Find ways to feel more positive and boost your confidence.

The session is a collaborative process where we work together to create a plan for change. This means that, together, we will clarify the problem, develop a plan, and then ensure you have a clear action plan for the next steps you will implement.  

It is crucial that you come into the session prepared, so think about what you would like to get from it. I’ll send you a worksheet to help you with this before our session. 

How does it work?

During the session, you and I will:

• Agree on the focus of the session.
• Decide on the goal that you are working on.
• Keep on track.
• Focus on your strengths.
• Identify the resources you have around you.
• Work out your options and alternatives.
• Define what has and has not worked for you in the past.
• Work out your next steps.

After the session, it is essential that you give yourself some time to reflect on what we have talked about. You can then put the agreed plan or next steps into action. 

Single-session therapy is not a quick fix but can be a constructive way to implement change. It isn’t just for when you’re struggling with a problem; it’s also a great way to build skills such as communication, assertiveness, self-awareness and problem-solving.

Some other benefits of an Empower Hour:

• It gives you the support and guidance to cope with your problem.
• It can help you identify goals and develop a clear plan.
• It’s a great way to get an idea of therapy and to see if it’s right for you.

If you want to learn more about single-session therapy and see if it would fit you, don’t hesitate to contact me.  If you’re ready to make an appointment time now, click here to go to my booking page.