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Adolescence is when we become fountains of knowledge, knowing all there is to know about everything. Conflict comes from those (usually our parents and other adults around us) who think they know everything just because they’ve been around longer. Perhaps this is simplifying and making light, but so goes the thought process of many a teen or nearly teenage child. Have you found that your child is becoming more vigorous with their assertions as they move into later primary school age? You are not alone! Welcome to the conflict zone commonly entered when our kids hit their tween and teenage years.

Adolescence is a time of finding independence, pushing boundaries, and practising conflict in a safe, stable environment. The good news is that your child is doing exactly what they should be doing at this age, pushing your every button and constantly being ready for a debate. It also means that you’ve raised them to have their own opinions and thoughts and that they feel comfortable expressing these. The not-so-good news is that this can be, frankly, exhausting. You might find yourself watching what you’re saying to avoid pushback from them and feeling like you’re struggling to express yourself to them, which can start to negatively impact your relationship. Practical tips for de-escalating arguments with teens can make a world of difference here. As adolescence is when your communication needs to be effective, not shut down, what can you do to de-escalate when the conflict and arguments get too much?

Here are some practical tips for de-escalating arguments with teens:

1. Recognise your feelings:

Before you can do anything to turn the volume down a notch, you need to recognise what is happening and how it’s making you (and them) feel: perhaps frustrated, stressed, or fearful. The chances are, if you’re feeling this, your teen is, too, which puts you in a good position to understand what’s happening.

2. Centre Yourself:

Take a moment to take three deep breaths and centre yourself. I’m not telling you to ‘calm down’ – no one feels calmer after being told to calm down! – but do not underestimate the power of pausing and breathing before reacting.

3. Shift Your Mindset:

Think of shifting your mindset from trying to control the situation or ‘winning’ the argument to connecting with what your teen is experiencing and focusing on your relationship to change the dynamic. This is where your empathy comes in. You want to acknowledge that this is important to them.

4. Validate Your Teen’s Feelings:

It’s common for teens to feel misunderstood or, worse, dismissed when expressing their feelings or speaking about something important to them. When anyone feels hurt, misunderstood or rejected, it’s easy to become defensive. Let them know you’ve heard them by validating their feelings; for example, you could say, “I can see how that would be upsetting,” or “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated.” Helping teens feel understood while resolving conflicts can significantly reduce tension.

5. Acknowledge Your Role in the Conflict:

If they’re angry at you or something you’ve done or contributed to, acknowledge your part and, if necessary, apologise. We all make mistakes and slip up – it’s part of being human – how you move on that counts. Let them see you taking responsibility by acknowledging, apologising, and moving on. Effective communication with teens is essential for maintaining trust and connection.

6. Set the Tone for the Conversation

We communicate with much more than just our words; tone of voice and body language make a world of difference and can either escalate or de-escalate a tricky interaction. You may well want to give as good as you get by being equally sarcastic, shouting, or dismissive. As tempting as this may be in the moment, setting the tone of the conversation as calm and respectful means conflict is much more likely to dissipate.

7. Pick the Right Time to Talk:

Timing is everything. The time for a sensible and relaxed discussion about probably sensitive topics is not when emotions are riding high. When stressed (no matter how old we are), making rational choices and finding solutions is almost impossible because our brains are in their fight-or-flight stress response mode. However, as an adult, you are better at regulating your emotions than your adolescent child because of where they’re developmentally and also because you’ve had more time to practice! You can revisit the topic and how it was handled later when things feel more relaxed.

Help your teen find a sense of autonomy when resolving conflicts to work out ways to solve problems collaboratively by actively listening, taking turns to speak, and brainstorming potential solutions together. Let them express their perspective fully and then give them the direct experience of finding a win-win compromise. They’ll be able to learn and, most importantly, practice their conflict-resolution skills in a safe space (with you). Remember that the goal here is to focus on the bigger picture, a positive relationship, and not win a single argument. Show them that it’s okay to move on after a ‘robust’ discussion without holding grudges, and let them know that you love them and want to work this out with them. These strategies to create a calmer, more connected home life can transform your relationship.

De-escalating conflict with your teenager takes patience and practice, but it’s definitely worth the effort. Plus, these tips and strategies work with adults just as well as with young people.

Dealing with conflict during the tween and teen years can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. If you’re ready to create a calmer, more connected relationship with your teenager, I can help. Book a session today to explore tailored strategies and support for your family’s unique needs.

Parenting Teens: Keeping the Peace During Busy Times

I hear pretty much all year round how busy life often feels, but the stress can feel more pronounced around certain times of the year, such as school term, holidays or family events. As you’re trying to manage everyone’s expectations (including yours), increased demands on your time can leave you feeling emotionally and physically drained. So, how can you maintain a sense of calm, connection and understanding during these hectic times?

This blog will give you ideas on how to stay connected with your teens, help with general teen stress management, and give tips to overwhelmed parents during those busy times.

Talk about expectations beforehand

 before things start getting too hectic. Maintaining expectations is more manageable when everyone knows what’s coming up and when. Encourage input from your teenager, letting them express how much they want to participate in activities. That way, you have a good start in understanding where your and their expectations may differ and can take these into account to meet in the middle somewhere. Keeping a sense of flexibility is key – rigid expectations and perfectionism do not help to reduce pressure on anyone.

Recognise signs of stress in your teen

so that when they start to show it, you can address it. You know them best, so you will most likely recognise these signs, such as irritability, withdrawal or changes in behaviour. You don’t have to sit them down for a big heart-to-heart; just encouraging a check-in on their feelings is a positive start. Part of your preparation for potentially busy times can be discussing helpful ways to manage stress, such as pausing and taking a couple of deep breaths, moving your body, getting outside or writing your feelings down in a journal.

• Set aside one-to-one time with your teen regularly. This is all about quality time rather than quantity. Don’t underestimate the power of a check-in, as the kettle is boiling!
• Practice actively listening to them so that they feel heard and valued. This means listening and acknowledging what they’ve said without jumping in to fix or offer solutions.
• Recognise the effort they’re putting in even when times are stressful. Positive reinforcement works and helps them feel more confident in themselves.

Aim for connection over perfection.

Focusing on quality rather than quantity of time together with short but meaningful interactions goes a long way. You might enjoy watching a favourite show together, taking the dog for a walk or baking a festive cake. And let them have their downtime when needed without making them feel guilty. We all need some alone time, even at the busiest times of the year.

Model self-care; show them what boundaries and self-care look like.

How can they be expected to be kind to themselves and give themselves a break when you never do this for yourself? These busy times of the year can also bring up old memories or feelings, which can be challenging. Make recognising the importance of self-care and looking after yourself part of your family tradition.

Trying to keep on top of day-to-day life is challenging enough, especially when teens are involved, and this can feel even more tricky at busy times of the year. Remind yourself and your kids that it’s okay if things don’t go exactly to plan or get a little complicated—life gets messy! How you manage these ups and downs counts, and you must approach challenges together.

Keeping up with day-to-day life can be challenging, especially during busy seasons. Remember, it’s okay if things don’t go as planned—life can get messy! How you navigate these ups and downs as a family matters most. Approach challenges together, and remind yourself that progress is more important than perfection. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or concerned about how your teen is coping, reaching out for support can make all the difference. Whether through counselling, a supportive friend, or one of my workshops, small steps can lead to a calmer, more connected family life.

Contact me HERE to learn more about my workshops and single-session therapy options.

Single-session therapy is a brief, focused approach that addresses your specific concerns or issues within one session. It is intentionally designed to give impactful, practical support in one session rather than needing a longer-term commitment. It gives you the support you need, helping you work out your next step with an issue. A single therapy session can feel slightly different if you’re used to ongoing counselling sessions; it takes a collaborative approach, where you work with your counsellor to find practical strategies to help you manage your situation. You’ll gain clarity over the issue or problem, helping you get moving again when you’re feeling stuck.

How Single Session Therapy Helps Parents of Tweens and Teens

By providing timely, practical support, single-session therapy works really well for parents of tweens and teens when you are facing an immediate challenge like a sudden change in their behaviour that you’re concerned about, a specific and pressing issue at school or more conflict than usual between you.

What to expect in your single session

As with any counselling, this time is focused on you and what you need. Before beginning, your therapist will encourage you to work out the session’s focus and think about and identify your desired outcome for the session. When you’re in the session, you focus on gaining your perspective by listening carefully to your concerns and ensuring you’re understood. One of the key differences you might notice in your session is the focus on a particular goal or aim of the session. You and your counsellor work together to find practical strategies and a plan of action focused on helping you clarify your options and next steps.

Single-session therapy is particularly effective in helping you navigate a specific conflict, handle immediate school concerns, or manage an unexpected change. This makes it a great fit for when you’re looking for quick, practical strategies you can put in place without a longer commitment to counselling. Perhaps you’ve found out your teen is vaping, the school have contacted you regarding their attendance, or they’ve had a spectacular falling out with a friend, and you’re not quite sure how best to handle the situation or to support them through it. Other examples might be managing stress during exam season or handling a sudden drop in motivation.

Examples of Practical Strategies

• Ways to communicate with your teen, particularly when navigating difficult conversations.
• Conflict management and how to de-escalate conflict, whether between you and your teen or conflict they are experiencing elsewhere.
• Understanding adolescent emotions and behaviour helps you respond effectively and build a stronger relationship.
• Practical tools for managing your teen’s screen time or navigating friendship challenges.

Most importantly, it will give you specific ways to look after yourself and balance your needs with your teen’s. You’ll find ways to manage your overwhelm and keep your cool (as much as possible when dealing with teens!). Because working out strategies for your teen is easier when you feel your emotional well-being is supported.

While a single session provides brief and targeted support, it also gives you the tools to handle the challenges that will invariably arise when parenting adolescent children. You can build on this experience to start feeling more confident and resilient in managing the ups and downs of parenting teens.

While single-session therapy is designed to be a standalone intervention, it is not the end of the support. After your session, there’s the option of a brief follow-up to see how you’re doing and if further support would be helpful. You can be reassured that you are not alone and that ongoing help is available, providing a safety net.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, conflicted or unsure about a specific issue that’s come to light around parenting your adolescent child, a single session could be just what you need to gain clarity and confidence. There’s no need to wait until you’re feeling stuck; you can book a single session whenever you need clarity and support.

Ready to tackle parenting challenges with clarity and confidence? Book your single-session therapy today.

Being a teenager is hard! And being the parent of a teen or nearly teenage child is not exactly a walk in the park. You want your teen to blossom and grow into an adult who feels confident in themselves and their abilities, but during their adolescence, your teen’s self-esteem fluctuates. It’s usually influenced by external pressures and internal doubts, neither of which you have any control over.

Why Confidence Matters for Teens

When teens feel confident, they can contribute to class discussions, make and maintain friendships, learn new skills or start new hobbies. By helping them build their self-confidence, you’re also giving them the ability to overcome the difficulties and challenges that are a part of life.

If they are going to find the tools they need to build their confidence and thrive, they need patience, encouragement and understanding to help them flourish.

7 Practical Tips for Building Teen Confidence

Encourage Independence

A large part of adolescence is the transition towards independence. Your teen needs the chance to make their own decisions and the responsibility that comes with it. The way for them to learn this is through experience, both negative and positive. Give your teen the chance to figure out their goals and the steps they need to take to achieve them. Most importantly, let them know that you know they can do this.

Support Rather than Fix

When you solve every little issue or complication for your teen rather than support them in finding solutions, they miss the chance to develop responsibility. They need to be given the autonomy to work things out themselves. This doesn’t mean you step away entirely but that you let them know you are supporting them from a distance and are ready to offer help when and if they ask.

Focus on the Journey, not the Destination

Help your teen focus on perseverance and hard work rather than just the end result. This will not only help them gain confidence in their abilities but also help them build resilience, allowing them to bounce back from setbacks.

Help Them Set Realistic Goals

When your teen sets achievable and measurable goals, they’re more likely to be aligned with their interests and strengths, and it’s easier for them to stay focused on them. It’s important to help them recognise and celebrate the small wins they achieve along the way to reinforce the progress they’re making.

Let Them Take Risks

Encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone by trying new sports or hobbies or expanding their social settings boosts their self-confidence. By taking calculated risks, they get to flex the all-important risk-taking inclination adolescents have, which helps them better handle setbacks and trust themselves and their abilities.

Boost Realistic, Positive Self-Talk

The way we talk to ourselves is powerful. When you notice your teens being critical or overly harsh on themselves, encourage them to shift to a more realistic, positive mindset. With a shift in perspective, it’s easier to see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than personal failings.

Model Confident Behaviour

The most effective way to boost your teen’s self-confidence is to show them what self-confidence looks like. Your teens are watching you to learn how to be an adult. You can show them how to handle challenges by confidently managing the tricky situations you face, emphasising the importance of self-belief, even when things don’t go as planned.

Creating a Supportive Environment for Growth

Of course, when teens feel secure and accepted, they are more likely to feel confident about exploring their identities and interests. As their parent, you play a crucial role in shaping your teen’s confidence. By offering guidance, modelling self-assurance and creating a supportive environment, they will be able to face life’s challenges with resilience and a belief in their own abilities.

Parenting during your child’s adolescence is not always easy and can feel complicated and overwhelming. Seeking professional help, like counselling for parents, can boost your confidence. And when you feel confident in your abilities, you can help your teen feel confident too.

Looking for more strategies to support your teen? Join one of my parenting workshops or book a session today to learn practical, personalised techniques.

Being a parent is both incredibly rewarding and incredibly draining. The feeling of being overwhelmed does not let up once our kids hit their teenage years. In fact, managing the ups and downs of living with an adolescent can often intensify these feelings, leaving you exhausted, stressed and anxious. Tweens and teenagers are unpredictable, emotionally intense and socially complex even on their best days, which can intensify your feelings of stress, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever manage.

We are becoming more aware of the impact of burnout on our working lives (or at least, we are beginning to), but what about the burnout experienced as part of being a parent? It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this. Parenting burnout is a common experience and can affect even the most loving and dedicated parents. By understanding parenting burnout, you can recognise the signs, take proactive steps, regain energy, and create a calmer and more balanced family life.

Signs of Parenting Burnout

When you feel drained, overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted, you may have reduced patience and find yourself losing your temper more easily with those around you. You may also feel detached emotionally. You might notice physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches and trouble sleeping. 

Burnout leaves you overly tense and disconnected, and with a patience and empathy bypass, it impacts you and those around you.

You may feel emotionally detached, as though you’re going through the motions of parenting but without the connection you once had. This makes you feel guilty and frustrated, more drained and exhausted, so it goes around, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever regain your energy or patience.

Why Setting Boundaries with Teens Can Help

First and foremost is recognising the common triggers (what presses your buttons). Adolescence can be a time when communication with your child becomes more difficult, and you notice more conflicts around boundaries, them stretching their independence and the classic teen attitude.

By now, you are probably all too aware of the mood swings, defiance and rebellion that wear you down. The juggle of parenting, balancing your work, household tasks and their social and academic needs. Also, the constant comparison that it’s so easy to fall into, worrying about how other parents or society perceives the way you parent.

How to Prevent and Manage Parenting Burnout

Burnout can affect your mental and physical health and your communication with your child (and others around you), leaving you feeling overwhelmed, guilty or hopeless. You don’t have to manage this on your own. Burnout in parents is a more common experience than you might realise, and it is nothing to feel guilty about. Even small changes can make a big difference in managing and preventing burnout. 

Self-Care Tips for Parents

Be kind to yourself. It is crucial to find ways to recharge yourself through rest, hobbies or being with friends (other grown-ups!). Show yourself some compassion by scheduling breaks and time to do the activities that suit your unique needs.

Learn not to sweat the small stuff. What can you let go of? You don’t expect your kids to be perfect, so why impose perfectionism on yourself? Accept that sometimes stuff happens. 

Recharging Through Mindfulness and Relaxation

Doing this daily can help to reduce stress. Mindfulness helps you stay grounded and present, which can stop stressful thoughts from spiralling. These small acts build up over time and can make a big difference in how you handle parenting challenges.

Don’t feel you have to go it alone.

It’s OK to seek help from your partner, friends, family members or professional help. Seeking support shows strength, not weakness, and counselling can give you the space to talk about your feelings and provide practical strategies to help you manage and prevent burnout. 

The steps you take to manage and prevent burnout will also help those around you. Being open about your feelings encourages your teen to share their frustrations.

Having healthy boundaries between being ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ and personal time shows your teen the importance of balance and boundaries. By delegating tasks and involving them in household responsibilities, you lessen your load whilst helping them build independence and responsibility. This can increase their self-confidence and help them feel more in control of their environment.

Remember to recognise small wins. Focusing on progress, no matter how small, enables you to stay motivated and positive.

Parenting burnout can be isolating, but you are not alone. There are steps you can take to regain your energy and peace of mind. If you are ready to explore practical strategies for managing stress and creating a balanced family life, contact me today. Whether you need support, guidance, or simply someone to listen to, counselling can help.

Parenting your child as they hit their teen years can feel like riding a roller coaster. While wearing a blindfold. You’re never quite sure when you’re going to be faced with arguments, slammed doors and shouting over what feels like the slightest interaction. You may look back just a couple of years ago and remember the easygoing, kind kid and then wonder if you’ll ever be able to salvage your relationship. There’s no doubt that this can be a challenging phase, and you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, in spite of walking on eggshells and having no idea how to respond.

It is possible to rebuild your connection and establish a more calm and peaceful environment. Here are some practical strategies to help you navigate this rocky chapter with your teen.

Why Teenagers Become Aggressive and Rude

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge the emotional rollercoaster of parenting a teen because adolescence is a turbulent time – for you and your teenager. It is perfectly normal for you to feel frustrated, hurt and confused by difficult teen behaviour.

I realise this can feel like an impossible dream when your kid is yelling in your face, but if you can keep your composure when things get heated, they are much less likely to escalate. This is challenging, and it’s tempting to match their energy, but there are ways you can keep your cool.

I always say that it’s the small steps you take regularly as part of your routine that help you remain calm (or calm enough) when things start to rev up. Also, you can take steps to prepare yourself for those situations you can forecast happening. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say – you know your child better than most and most likely know the situations likely to rile both of you.

Tips for Managing Aggressive Teen Behaviour

Focus on their behaviour rather than their personality: Try not to label your child as bad or difficult, but remember that it’s their behaviour that needs addressing, not them as an individual. It’s easier to diffuse tension and keep resentment in check when you keep this separation clear.

Setting Boundaries: Young people need firm and consistent boundaries that give them room to flex their independence. Overbearing and overcontrolling rules are more likely to lead to pushback. Too much leniency is similarly not helpful – teens need clear boundaries that they can push back on but that are clear.

Don’t take it personally: I realise this one can be difficult when it can feel very personal. Remember that your teen is working through a complex emotional roller coaster as they navigate identity, peer pressure and becoming more independent. Recognise that this inner struggle can manifest as rude or even aggressive behaviour. That’s not to say that you excuse it or ignore it, but understanding where it comes from puts you in a better place to respond accordingly rather than reacting.

Don’t lecture: it just doesn’t work and leaves them and you frustrated. Think about going into a conversation with curiosity and wanting to find out their perspective. They are much more likely to open up when they feel part of a dialogue than if they’re just being lectured or told off. If you can present the issue as something for you to work on and resolve together—’What do you think?’—you’re more likely to gain their cooperation and input.

Pick your battles: If you constantly nag about every little thing, it becomes harder for them to distinguish between big problems that need addressing and smaller ones that can be let go of. It doesn’t mean you can never mention leaving mugs in their bedroom again, but think to yourself, ‘Is this really where I want to be putting my energy, or can I let go of it, just for now?’ When the environment is more peaceful, there is less room for power struggles.

Connection, Connection, Connection: Maintaining a strong emotional bond is what makes all the difference. Find the small ways you can connect with your child, such as a comedy or series you enjoy watching together or those small in-jokes you have.

When to Seek Help for Teen Behavior Issues

If you feel that your relationship with your teen is negative and unmanageable, counselling can help. You are not the only parent or carer experiencing this. Your teen might find therapy helpful; they might not want it just now, but counselling for yourself can be a practical and supportive step you can take to address these issues.

It’s an old trope, but the one of the teenager staying up all hours and being nearly impossible to wake up is not far from the reality for many parents. It can be frustrating when you’re constantly battling your teen to get them up and out the door at a reasonable time. It’s also true that this isn’t about them being lazy; your tween or nearly teenage child needs their sleep more than ever due to the physical, psychological, and emotional demands of adolescence. 

So, how can you balance your teen’s sleep needs with their need to be up and out the door at a specific time so they’re not late for school? Let’s examine teenagers’ sleep cycles and how you can create a morning routine that works without setting off fireworks and gets them up and ready for the day.

Why teens need more sleep

Your child’s circadian rhythms (the 24-hour cycles of our body’s internal clock) change during puberty. This change means they become more like night owls, falling asleep and waking up later. They also need more sleep at this stage – 8-10 hours. These factors together make achieving the early start time schools expect harder. 

Also, if your child is in secondary school now, the lockdowns of the pandemic interrupted their primary school years. Remember to consider the impact these teen sleep problems and disruption will have on establishing a routine. 

The benefit of a morning routine for teens

A schedule around sleep, keeping broadly the same time to get up and the same time going to bed at night, and a routine around bedtime and morning are helpful for all of us –particularly young people. It’s tempting to have an extended sleep in over the weekend or holidays, but maintaining a consistent sleep schedule even during these times helps prevent ‘social jet lag’; when the natural sleep rhythms don’t match with the social demands of life, school or work, leading to irregular sleep patterns. 

Tip: If a regular sleep schedule for your tween or teen feels like a distant dream, try encouraging them to gradually adjust their bedtime by 15-30 minutes each night. 

Teen sleep solutions

Teens and school mornings are often a struggle and it’s important to remember that the way the morning goes depends on how the evening before went. You can reduce the potential for upset and overwhelm in the morning by taking a few steps in the evening:

• Encourage them to get their school uniform ready for the morning the night before. This reduces options and decision-making over what to wear or searching for a clean pair of socks in the morning.
• Suggest techniques to help them wind down, such as reading (a book!), taking a shower, or listening to a relaxing playlist they’ve downloaded.
• Avoid caffeine or large meals before bedtime, as these can disrupt sleep.
• Create a sleep-friendly environment – a quiet, dark, cool bedroom promotes better sleep.
• Limit screen time to at least an hour before bed. Screen time and teen sleep are linked. Do not use phones, televisions, or electronics in the bedroom! This goes for you, too – they are not conducive to a good night’s sleep.
• Set a positive example by demonstrating good sleep habits yourself. Teens often imitate their parents’ behaviours, and it’s much more challenging to have a meaningful conversation with your teenager when you’re in bed scrolling through social media.

How to help teens wake up

1. Involve your teen in creating a morning routine that includes their input and preferences. This is crucial. They are much more likely to stick with it if they have come up with the routine themselves. Tell them you’ve noticed the mornings can feel a little tense, and ask them what they think might help.
2. Get them an alarm clock that requires physical movement to turn off – have it on the other side of the room if necessary. This helps them take responsibility and ownership over waking up – you don’t need to be their alarm clock.
3. Let the natural noises and light of morning in your home into their room. Take them a cup of tea (an excellent start to anyone’s morning), and while you’re there, leave their door open and open the curtains. Exposure to natural light in the morning helps to reset their internal clock, making it easier for them to wake up.

Communication is key

It could be that anxiety, stress, or other issues are impacting their sleep. And remember to acknowledge their efforts and progress. Positive reinforcement is so much more effective than focusing solely on failures. 

When to Seek Professional Help for Sleep Problems

Change takes time, so be patient (with yourself and your child) and recognise the small wins. Some tactics will work better than others in your family, so it helps to keep your approach flexible. A good night’s sleep can make all the difference to your child, so if you’re noticing an ongoing issue with their sleep or you’re struggling, reach out for professional support. Counselling can be helpful for your teens, and counselling for parents can help you find strategies and the best ways to support them. 

Struggling with your teen’s sleep and morning routine? You don’t have to figure it out alone! Implementing these small changes can make a big difference, but support is available if you’re still facing challenges.

Book a counselling session today to get personalized strategies for managing your teen’s sleep issues and stress. Together, we can create a calmer, more peaceful home. Ready to take the first step?

Contact me HERE to learn more or schedule a session now!

As a parent or carer to a teen or nearly teenage child, you’re probably recognising just how quickly things can shift and change with them. You may have found that your relationship with them is also changing, and you’re wondering why you don’t feel as close as you once did. You’re not alone in feeling this! It’s a typical and to-be-expected part of life with an adolescent. It might not always feel like it, but it’s so important that your teenager feels connected with you during this time – they need to feel you present in their life. Being in the same room isn’t enough—you need a deeper connection to strengthen parent-teen relationships. But please don’t feel this is an impossible task; it’s about quality time with teens rather than quantity.

It can feel hard enough to remember what they’re doing and where they are, so how can you make the most of the time you spend together?

Why Quality Time is Important

• Quality time together helps strengthen the connections, empathy and trust between you and your child. It gives them (and you!) a strong foundation that makes all the difference during the ups and downs of the teen years.
• Teenagers often mirror their parents’ behaviours and values. Your teenager is watching and learning from you—more than you may realise. By keeping connected with them, you’re giving them a tangible, practical example of a positive and healthy relationship.
• A significant part of being a teen is experiencing emotions and stress – more intensely than adults do. When you proactively connect and engage with your child, you’re letting them know you have their back, meaning they feel more supported and less isolated.

Tips for Spending Quality Time

• Think about regular activities you can enjoy doing together. Again, small things can make all the difference here — you might take the dog for a walk in the evening or watch an episode of a light comedy you both enjoy. This is time together without intensity or anything too heavy and is a relatively quick win for connecting.
• Involving your teen in your interests, whether it’s working on a car, baking or break dancing. Let them see you paying attention to what you enjoy rather than keeping the focus on them.
• Show a genuine interest in the activities they enjoy. This might be sport, dance, or gaming. If you struggle to show an interest in watching someone on YouTube playing Roblox, remember why you’re doing this – to show them that their world matters to you.
• Ask about their day at school, feelings about a recent event, or thoughts on a current issue—anything to open a conversation with them.

Tip: Some/most kids don’t open up easily when asked about their day at school. Think about your timing for this – it’s not unusual for teens to be tired at the end of the school day, so give them time to decompress. Try asking them how their friends are finding school. This can make it easier for them to engage in a conversation. When they are speaking, let them lead the discussion and listen without judgment. There’s no need to jump in with a potential solution or your opinion; the idea here is to help build trust and open up communication.

Benefits of Quality Time

When you connect with your teen, they feel supported, which makes all the difference to their well-being and mental health.

Challenges to Being Present

Balancing work responsibilities with family life can be challenging, but prioritising quality time to engage with your teen will be worth it. Make the most of your time with them by minimising distractions like smartphones and social media. This goes for you as much as them! Put your devices down and focus on being present with them – a few minutes of being present with teenagers can honestly make all the difference.

Your teen will definitely notice and appreciate your efforts to connect, even though it may not look like it from the outside! I have been working with young people for a long time, and I can assure you that they do notice and they love it. Also, don’t underestimate the positive impact this will have on your well-being. When supporting teenage mental health, you also support your well-being. It really is a win-win situation. Remember that the effort you put into the relationship now will pay off in the long run, with a strong bond lasting well beyond their teen years.

Give some thought to how you can connect with your tween or teenage child. Remember, it’s about quality time, not just quantity. How often are you truly engaged and present with your child? Reflecting on this and taking proactive steps can make all the difference to your relationship.

As an added bonus, these tips for parents of teens about building connections also work in other relationships with people you care about. Give it a try and see the difference!

Are you struggling to find ways to connect with your teenage child? Are you worried about your relationship with them? Being a parent or carer when your child hits puberty can be hard! It’s okay to reach out for additional support to help you be the best possible resource for your child. Work with me to help you rediscover your emotional connection with your teens. You and your child will find ways to reconnect, build stronger bonds, and generally feel more positive about your relationship. Let’s talk.

If there’s a teen or nearly teenager in your house, it’s also likely to be someone experiencing perimenopause or menopause. Welcome to the perfect hormonal storm, where menopause and puberty collide! Both of these stages can be pretty emotionally turbulent for all involved. So, how can you help manage stress levels over this stage for you when you’re also parenting teens through puberty?

Understanding the Changes

During puberty, hormonal changes mean mood swings, increased sensitivity and your child’s identity formation as ‘A Teenager’.

Similarly, hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause and menopause also mean mood swings, increased anxiety and sleep disturbances.

Both of these stages are natural and to be expected, and they can also lead to challenges for you, your child and those around you. While you’re sharing more of the same experiences than you might realise, this increase in irritability, anxiety and mood swings can all too easily lead to misunderstandings, increasing stress within your household. Remember this is all part of the journey and is typical.

Work on Your Communication

Now is the time to think about your communication strategies. Open and honest communication between you and your teen is crucial. Practice actively listening when your kid talks about their feelings or frustrations. Put down distractions and fully focus on what they are saying. You can use your own experiences of shifting hormones to respond with empathy.

Setting aside regular times to check in with your teen to discuss feelings and challenges. Depending on your teen and how they respond, you can agree on a specific time together or set a regular reminder for yourself to check in (nonchalantly). You might initially get a terse or sarcastic response, but believe me, they will appreciate it!

Tips for Managing Stress (that will work for them and you)

Here are some parent-teen stress management strategies:

Physical Activities: Go for a walk or practice some at-home yoga to help build bonds and provide mutual stress relief.

Structured Daily Routines: Create structured daily routines to provide stability and reduce stress. Routine and structure are useful for everyone.

Healthy Lifestyle Habits: Check sleep hygiene, balanced nutrition, and regular physical activity.

Anything that promotes stress relief for parents and teens is helpful.

Look After Yourself

Taking care of yourself, especially in this puberty and menopause overlap, is not a luxury but a necessity. When you show yourself some kindness and compassion, you’re better able to be there for those around you. Think of the oxygen mask on a plane; you have to put it on yourself before you check that those around you have theirs on. Plus, it sets a great positive example for your teenage kids. When they see you looking after yourself and showing self-compassion, they’re more likely to do this for themselves. It’s a win-win situation!

Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, like hobbies, socialising with friends, or simply relaxing (maybe some time off social media!).

Create a Supportive Environment at Home

Mutual respect and patience go a long way. Make time for activities that help encourage bonding and relaxation. These might include family game nights, cooking, or simply watching a film together.

Managing stress and emotions related to life changes helps create a healthier family dynamic. You can work through these challenges more smoothly by improving communication, practising stress management techniques, taking care of yourself, and creating a supportive home environment.

If stress and emotional turbulence become overwhelming, it’s important to seek professional help. Counselling, therapy, and support groups are all great sources of support.

Would you like to feel more confident about coping with menopause and teen mood swings? Are you dealing with parenting the challenges of puberty while also experiencing perimenopause or menopause? You don’t have to manage this on your own! Contact me today to book a session for personalised support tailored to your needs. We can work together to build a healthier, happier and calmer home environment.