Month: September 2023

Congratulations. Your kid is off to uni! As well as pride in your offspring’s achievement, you might be left feeling a sense of loss and emptiness. This is often unrecognised as having your (nearly adult) child move out is a normal, healthy part of life.

Significant life events, such as retirement or menopause, often compound this feeling. No wonder the feeling parents and carers are often left with is called empty nest syndrome. However, it’s worth remembering that empty nest syndrome is not an official diagnosis or ailment. It is a normal reaction to a significant life change. 

Transition from school to university

Moving from school to university can be quite the transition for you and them; here are four ways to prepare, cope and even flourish through this time. 

• Acknowledge your feelings

Remember to respect your emotions about them flying the nest and how you will adjust. Feeling a spectrum of emotions when your child leaves home is to be expected, including sadness, depression, grief, loneliness, anxiety – even relief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, and don’t try to bottle them up. 

• Celebrate their independence

This is a significant milestone for your child, and it’s important to celebrate their accomplishments. Tell them how proud you are of them and how excited you are for their next chapter. Be proud of yourself, too! You were there supporting them through this. Getting someone through their A-levels can be pretty tense – you got them and yourself through in one piece, so give yourself a pat on the back.

• Time to reconnect

Now is a great time to discover new hobbies and interests. You might reconnect with something you used to love doing when you were a kid: dance classes, reading fantasy fiction, football, travel. Talking of reconnecting, this is also a great time to focus on your relationships. This may be the first time it’s been just you and your partner for twenty-plus years. Remind yourself why you liked hanging out with them back then. It’s a time to develop relationships that matter to you outside being a parent or carer and a chance to rediscover yourself. Please take it. Go for coffee, take pictures, have weekends away, and spend time with friends, your partner, and the people you feel your best around. 

• Look after yourself

Taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, will help you cope with the changes of empty nest syndrome. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to adjust to your new family life. Don’t expect to feel happy and carefree overnight.

Looking after your child’s mental health at uni

If you feel confident that your child will be safe and well whilst they’re away, it’s much easier for you to focus on yourself during this transition period. Here are some practical steps you can take to help with this.

• Work out with them how often you’ll communicate while they’re away. You’ll need to find the right balance between giving them space and staying connected. Start by asking them what they want regarding contact, and be prepared to adjust this as they find their feet. You might not hear from them as much as you anticipated – don’t expect too much from them as they settle in. 
• Open communication is crucial. Regularly check in with your child about how they feel emotionally and mentally. Tell them they can talk to you honestly about how they’re feeling. Recognise signs your child might be struggling with their mental health, such as sudden behavioural changes and social or academic withdrawal. Regular conversations with them help catch issues early.
• Help them find support sources they can access if needed. Universities in the UK will have a student support service. There will be links on the university website. Familiarise yourself and your child with the mental health resources available at their university, including counselling services, support groups, and workshops. Know who to contact both on and off campus. 
• Please encourage them to keep healthy habits around nutrition, sleep, exercise, the importance of a balanced social life, and self-care strategies. Sending care packages of the treats they like, little things that remind them of home, and pictures of their pet, family members, and loved ones mean a lot. You can also plan visits so they can show you the new people and places important to them. Take them out to dinner – remember the value of a free meal to a student!
• Remind them that university is not just about academic success; it’s learning how to get along with different people, time management, budgeting, problem-solving and solution-finding. This is a time of change and can feel overwhelming. Transitioning to university brings challenges such as homesickness, difficulty making new friends, and academic pressure. These are to be expected and are usually short-term.

Talking about your feelings with a counsellor can help with empty nest syndrome. I’ll help you see the parenting wood for the trees and give you a different perspective and practical coping strategies. If this has resonated with you, why not get in touch to see how therapy with me can help? I am based between Brighton and Eastbourne in East Sussex and provide counselling therapy online, which means we can work together wherever you are.

Social media has become an integral part of our lives, allowing us to connect, express ourselves, and share experiences. However, it can be challenging when dealing with our teenagers’ digital lives. How can you help your teens find a healthy balance in the online world?

When social media use becomes a problem

The term ‘social media addiction’ describes a pattern of excessive and compulsive use of social media platforms that can impact mental health, relationships and academic performance. While the term often sparks discussions and headlines, it’s worth considering if this term accurately captures problematic social media use.

While parents might observe what appears to be compulsive behaviour in their children, professionals have differing opinions on whether labelling it as ‘addiction’ is entirely fitting. In this article, I’ll use the term to describe problematic social media use.

What to look out for:

• Being constantly distracted by social media while doing other activities
• Experiencing ‘withdrawal symptoms’ when not using social media, neglecting personal hygiene or sleeping due to excessive social media use. 

6 steps to help your teen with social media addiction

If you’ve noticed your teen is spending excessive time online and withdrawing from activities offline, you have seen changes in their mood and declining academic performance; this could be a sign of social media addiction. Social media usage can increase loneliness, anxiety, and depression among adolescents. So, what steps can you take to support them?

1. Open communication: Discuss this with your teen to work out strategies together. Working together is more likely to produce positive results compared to imposing solutions. Create an environment that allows them to talk to you about their online experiences. If they feel comfortable sharing what they enjoy about their online interactions, they’ll be more likely to open up about their challenges.
2. Set healthy boundaries; Balancing online time with offline activities is crucial. Remind your teen of the activities they enjoy away from screens, such as sports, reading, or spending time with friends in person. Consider implementing designated screen-free times and establishing tech-free zones in the house, such as bedrooms.
3. Lead by example: Remember that your kids are watching and learning from what you do. Be a positive role model by practising healthy tech habits yourself. The screen-free times and tech-free zones go for you, too! You might be surprised at the positive impact of stowing phones away and out of reach, particularly overnight.
4. Encourage offline interests: Support them to explore real-world hobbies and interests such as dance, sports, crafts, and cosplay. Help them find a balance between their virtual and real-world experiences.
5. Maintain a balanced view: Social media is not all bad. It is an excellent platform for creativity, learning and connecting with friends when used consciously.
6. Help them to regulate their use: Self-regulation is difficult for tweens and teens because of where they are developmentally. Help them work this out. Chat with them about the potential impact of excessive use on them. They are likely aware of the risks of cyberbullying and online harassment (unfortunately).

The pressure of comparing themselves to others’ curated online lives can result in low self-esteem and a distorted sense of reality. Help them set their goals for their screen time by working collaboratively with them. You can gently guide them without being forceful or dictatorial – that’s a surefire way to robust resistance. 

You could:

1. Encourage them to take up sports like football, basketball or activities like cycling or hiking. These not only encourage physical fitness but also provide a break from screens.
2. Suggest artistic pursuits like painting, drawing, crafting, or playing a musical instrument. These hobbies can be both relaxing and fulfilling.
3. Reading physical books or magazines can be a fantastic way to escape the digital world and dive into different stories and knowledge.

Are you concerned about your teen’s relationship with social media?

If you are worried about your teenager’s excessive use of social media, you can seek guidance and support from a professional counsellor like me, who specialises in working with parents of adolescents. We can work together to develop strategies for promoting healthy online habits and strengthening family relationships. Don’t hesitate to get in touch here to schedule a session.

Single-session therapy (SST) is a brief therapy that can effectively manage all sorts of issues, including anxiety and stress, relationship problems, family and parenting issues, work issues and life transitions. 

Single-session therapy is one goal-oriented and empowering session with a therapist and is becoming increasingly popular as a time and cost-effective intervention. As well as an affordable and convenient option, it can be as effective as longer-term therapy. In one session, you and your therapist work together to identify your goals, develop a plan to achieve them and provide you with tools and resources to help.

SST is a great option when you are experiencing a short-term problem or are unsure if you want to commit to longer-term therapy. It allows you to find out what therapy is like whilst helping you find ways to get moving again.

What are the benefits of single-session therapy?

Quick relief

Single-session therapy can quickly relieve symptoms of anxiety, stress, low mood and depression. You and your therapist can focus on the issue that’s bothering you and develop a plan to address it in a single session. It allows you to manage your concerns, gain insights, and develop coping strategies in a short period, making it ideal for those with time constraints or seeking immediate support.

Increased self-awareness

Single-session therapy can help to boost your self-awareness and understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. You will find you build coping skills, such as relaxation techniques, problem-solving and communication. You can manage difficult situations by actively participating in your healing process.

Accessible support

Single-session therapy offers accessible support for people who may not be ready for or require longer-term counselling. It is a great entry point for you if you are hesitant about therapy or seeking support for specific issues. Its accessibility breaks barriers and the stigma sometimes associated with therapy and mental health support, appealing to more people.

Cost-effective

Single-session therapy is cost and time-effective compared to traditional longer-term therapy. It is a brief intervention where you can receive focused and actionable insights without the commitment of multiple sessions.

Focussed and goal-oriented

Single-session therapy is goal-oriented, focusing on specific issues or challenges. You collaborate with your therapist to define clear objectives for the session, enabling a targeted and efficient approach to problem-solving. It is excellent for specific concerns, such as decision-making dilemmas, anxiety before important events, parenting skills, or recent life changes.

Evidence-based

Research into the efficacy of single-session therapy indicates it is effective. Many people who have received a one-off session reported feeling better after the session and said it helped them understand their problems and develop coping skills.

What are some challenges of single-session therapy? 

• The limited time frame is the main challenge, so a clear session goal is vital. We will establish this together at the beginning of your session. 
• There are also some situations where longer-term therapy may be more appropriate. Get in touch for an introduction call to help you decide whether single-session therapy is the right option.

Single-session therapy is a collaboration between you and your therapist. When we work together, I will help you identify and develop a plan to achieve your session goals. Sessions typically focus on problem-solving and finding coping skills that work for you.

Single-session therapy with me puts your needs and goals at the centre of the session, ensuring a personalised and meaningful experience. I specialise in short-term counselling, so if you feel this might be helpful to you or if you have any questions, get in touch with me.