Once you’ve decided to explore therapy, you might wonder what you will discuss in your sessions. It can feel like standing at the edge of an abyss, wondering where to start and what will happen once you jump in. This article will give you some insights and tips on where to begin with your therapy.

The foundation for open communication between you and your counsellor hinges on establishing trust. You must feel safe and secure in your sessions, as this emotional safety net means you can share your thoughts and feelings candidly. Building rapport is crucial in making the connection between you and your therapist robust and positive. This connection is vital and something I, as your counsellor, am well-versed in nurturing, as it is a linchpin for the effectiveness of your therapy.

In our sessions, I ensure to provide a safe and confidential space. You gradually build trust by being able to share your thoughts, emotions, and experiences without fear of judgment. This trust is the foundation upon which meaningful therapeutic work can occur. It means you can confront challenges and work towards positive change with the confidence that I am there to support and guide you.

Helpful topics to discuss in therapy

Here are some topics you may find helpful to talk about in your sessions:

• Setting goals

Setting clear therapy goals together helps guide our conversation and is also great for helping you track your progress. You and I will work together on them, regularly reviewing and checking in to ensure your counselling stays on track.

Having well-defined objectives can make the counselling process more productive and goal-oriented. Some examples of goals might be improving communication, learning coping mechanisms to change unhelpful behaviours, or gaining a better understanding of yourself. You can also identify and discuss your personal growth and well-being goals beyond therapy.

• Exploring emotions

Talking about your positive or negative feelings is crucial for self-awareness. Exploring your emotions might be something you are not used to but don’t worry; as your counsellor, I will safely help with this.

Emotional self-awareness benefits your personal growth, and you might discuss tips and exercises to try at home to help you develop this. For example, you might be feeling a sense of loneliness and disconnection from people or feeling guilt for doing something wrong. Therapy will help you work out where these feelings come from and help you find ways to forgive yourself.

• Life events

There might be an experience or significant life event you’ve experienced that is affecting your mental health, causing you anxiety or depression. These may be life transitions, such as your child starting school or moving away to go to university; for example, therapy gives you the perfect space to share what has happened, which provides room to start processing and ultimately healing. 

• Relationships

Discussing your relationships can be essential to understanding how they impact your wellbeing. There could be a fundamental relationship you want to explore with a family member, teenage child, or a friend, for example. It can also be helpful to explore how past relationships might still impact you now.

Therapy is a great practice ground for boundary setting. When you have healthy boundaries in your counselling relationship, it’s easier to recognise and set them in your personal life. You can discuss how to put boundaries in place and their importance in healthy relationships.

• Coping strategies

You might discuss your developed coping strategies and then evaluate what works less well. You can find alternative and healthy ways of managing together. Self-care is vital to overall mental health, and you can discuss what you do to help yourself feel good and better understand what else you can do.

• Reflection and feedback

Reflecting on your progress in therapy helps you apply what you have learned. It’s good to bounce ideas around about how you feel your counselling is going and to ask any questions you may have about your therapy.

Finding a therapist

There can be a perception that counselling is only for when you have a severe issue or specific problem that you must work through. There is a growing recognition of the effectiveness of talking things through with a neutral person to have the space to talk through whatever is on your mind. You can decide on the support you need before a problem feels overwhelming.

Finding the therapist that is a good fit for you is essential. It can feel daunting, but here are a couple of key tips on what to look for in a therapist:

• Ensure they are fully qualified and have the appropriate training and experience to help you with your needs.
• You should feel comfortable and safe with your therapist. They should be someone you can trust and who you feel understands you.

Feeling comfortable with your therapist and confident they can help you is essential. If you don’t feel connected with a particular therapist, don’t be afraid to try someone else – we won’t mind, honestly! 

Here are some additional tips for finding a therapist:

• Ask your friends, family, or doctor for recommendations.
• Look for therapists in your area who specialise in your specific needs, such as family issues, relationships, parenting tweens and teens, and neurodivergence (such as ADHD or autism).

Finding the right therapist can be challenging, but finding someone who is a good ‘fit’ for you and can help you with mental health and wellbeing is essential. You will feel more confident and prepared as you begin your therapy journey.

Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re ready to take the first step towards personal growth and positive change. Once you’ve contacted me, I’ll promptly reach out to schedule a convenient time to catch up by phone. Together, we can embark on self-discovery and empowerment through therapy.

I look forward to supporting you on this path.

Congratulations. Your kid is off to uni! As well as pride in your offspring’s achievement, you might be left feeling a sense of loss and emptiness. This is often unrecognised as having your (nearly adult) child move out is a normal, healthy part of life.

Significant life events, such as retirement or menopause, often compound this feeling. No wonder the feeling parents and carers are often left with is called empty nest syndrome. However, it’s worth remembering that empty nest syndrome is not an official diagnosis or ailment. It is a normal reaction to a significant life change. 

Transition from school to university

Moving from school to university can be quite the transition for you and them; here are four ways to prepare, cope and even flourish through this time. 

• Acknowledge your feelings

Remember to respect your emotions about them flying the nest and how you will adjust. Feeling a spectrum of emotions when your child leaves home is to be expected, including sadness, depression, grief, loneliness, anxiety – even relief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, and don’t try to bottle them up. 

• Celebrate their independence

This is a significant milestone for your child, and it’s important to celebrate their accomplishments. Tell them how proud you are of them and how excited you are for their next chapter. Be proud of yourself, too! You were there supporting them through this. Getting someone through their A-levels can be pretty tense – you got them and yourself through in one piece, so give yourself a pat on the back.

• Time to reconnect

Now is a great time to discover new hobbies and interests. You might reconnect with something you used to love doing when you were a kid: dance classes, reading fantasy fiction, football, travel. Talking of reconnecting, this is also a great time to focus on your relationships. This may be the first time it’s been just you and your partner for twenty-plus years. Remind yourself why you liked hanging out with them back then. It’s a time to develop relationships that matter to you outside being a parent or carer and a chance to rediscover yourself. Please take it. Go for coffee, take pictures, have weekends away, and spend time with friends, your partner, and the people you feel your best around. 

• Look after yourself

Taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, will help you cope with the changes of empty nest syndrome. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to adjust to your new family life. Don’t expect to feel happy and carefree overnight.

Looking after your child’s mental health at uni

If you feel confident that your child will be safe and well whilst they’re away, it’s much easier for you to focus on yourself during this transition period. Here are some practical steps you can take to help with this.

• Work out with them how often you’ll communicate while they’re away. You’ll need to find the right balance between giving them space and staying connected. Start by asking them what they want regarding contact, and be prepared to adjust this as they find their feet. You might not hear from them as much as you anticipated – don’t expect too much from them as they settle in. 
• Open communication is crucial. Regularly check in with your child about how they feel emotionally and mentally. Tell them they can talk to you honestly about how they’re feeling. Recognise signs your child might be struggling with their mental health, such as sudden behavioural changes and social or academic withdrawal. Regular conversations with them help catch issues early.
• Help them find support sources they can access if needed. Universities in the UK will have a student support service. There will be links on the university website. Familiarise yourself and your child with the mental health resources available at their university, including counselling services, support groups, and workshops. Know who to contact both on and off campus. 
• Please encourage them to keep healthy habits around nutrition, sleep, exercise, the importance of a balanced social life, and self-care strategies. Sending care packages of the treats they like, little things that remind them of home, and pictures of their pet, family members, and loved ones mean a lot. You can also plan visits so they can show you the new people and places important to them. Take them out to dinner – remember the value of a free meal to a student!
• Remind them that university is not just about academic success; it’s learning how to get along with different people, time management, budgeting, problem-solving and solution-finding. This is a time of change and can feel overwhelming. Transitioning to university brings challenges such as homesickness, difficulty making new friends, and academic pressure. These are to be expected and are usually short-term.

Talking about your feelings with a counsellor can help with empty nest syndrome. I’ll help you see the parenting wood for the trees and give you a different perspective and practical coping strategies. If this has resonated with you, why not get in touch to see how therapy with me can help? I am based between Brighton and Eastbourne in East Sussex and provide counselling therapy online, which means we can work together wherever you are.

Social media has become an integral part of our lives, allowing us to connect, express ourselves, and share experiences. However, it can be challenging when dealing with our teenagers’ digital lives. How can you help your teens find a healthy balance in the online world?

When social media use becomes a problem

The term ‘social media addiction’ describes a pattern of excessive and compulsive use of social media platforms that can impact mental health, relationships and academic performance. While the term often sparks discussions and headlines, it’s worth considering if this term accurately captures problematic social media use.

While parents might observe what appears to be compulsive behaviour in their children, professionals have differing opinions on whether labelling it as ‘addiction’ is entirely fitting. In this article, I’ll use the term to describe problematic social media use.

What to look out for:

• Being constantly distracted by social media while doing other activities
• Experiencing ‘withdrawal symptoms’ when not using social media, neglecting personal hygiene or sleeping due to excessive social media use. 

6 steps to help your teen with social media addiction

If you’ve noticed your teen is spending excessive time online and withdrawing from activities offline, you have seen changes in their mood and declining academic performance; this could be a sign of social media addiction. Social media usage can increase loneliness, anxiety, and depression among adolescents. So, what steps can you take to support them?

1. Open communication: Discuss this with your teen to work out strategies together. Working together is more likely to produce positive results compared to imposing solutions. Create an environment that allows them to talk to you about their online experiences. If they feel comfortable sharing what they enjoy about their online interactions, they’ll be more likely to open up about their challenges.
2. Set healthy boundaries; Balancing online time with offline activities is crucial. Remind your teen of the activities they enjoy away from screens, such as sports, reading, or spending time with friends in person. Consider implementing designated screen-free times and establishing tech-free zones in the house, such as bedrooms.
3. Lead by example: Remember that your kids are watching and learning from what you do. Be a positive role model by practising healthy tech habits yourself. The screen-free times and tech-free zones go for you, too! You might be surprised at the positive impact of stowing phones away and out of reach, particularly overnight.
4. Encourage offline interests: Support them to explore real-world hobbies and interests such as dance, sports, crafts, and cosplay. Help them find a balance between their virtual and real-world experiences.
5. Maintain a balanced view: Social media is not all bad. It is an excellent platform for creativity, learning and connecting with friends when used consciously.
6. Help them to regulate their use: Self-regulation is difficult for tweens and teens because of where they are developmentally. Help them work this out. Chat with them about the potential impact of excessive use on them. They are likely aware of the risks of cyberbullying and online harassment (unfortunately).

The pressure of comparing themselves to others’ curated online lives can result in low self-esteem and a distorted sense of reality. Help them set their goals for their screen time by working collaboratively with them. You can gently guide them without being forceful or dictatorial – that’s a surefire way to robust resistance. 

You could:

1. Encourage them to take up sports like football, basketball or activities like cycling or hiking. These not only encourage physical fitness but also provide a break from screens.
2. Suggest artistic pursuits like painting, drawing, crafting, or playing a musical instrument. These hobbies can be both relaxing and fulfilling.
3. Reading physical books or magazines can be a fantastic way to escape the digital world and dive into different stories and knowledge.

Are you concerned about your teen’s relationship with social media?

If you are worried about your teenager’s excessive use of social media, you can seek guidance and support from a professional counsellor like me, who specialises in working with parents of adolescents. We can work together to develop strategies for promoting healthy online habits and strengthening family relationships. Don’t hesitate to get in touch here to schedule a session.

Single-session therapy (SST) is a brief therapy that can effectively manage all sorts of issues, including anxiety and stress, relationship problems, family and parenting issues, work issues and life transitions. 

Single-session therapy is one goal-oriented and empowering session with a therapist and is becoming increasingly popular as a time and cost-effective intervention. As well as an affordable and convenient option, it can be as effective as longer-term therapy. In one session, you and your therapist work together to identify your goals, develop a plan to achieve them and provide you with tools and resources to help.

SST is a great option when you are experiencing a short-term problem or are unsure if you want to commit to longer-term therapy. It allows you to find out what therapy is like whilst helping you find ways to get moving again.

What are the benefits of single-session therapy?

Quick relief

Single-session therapy can quickly relieve symptoms of anxiety, stress, low mood and depression. You and your therapist can focus on the issue that’s bothering you and develop a plan to address it in a single session. It allows you to manage your concerns, gain insights, and develop coping strategies in a short period, making it ideal for those with time constraints or seeking immediate support.

Increased self-awareness

Single-session therapy can help to boost your self-awareness and understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. You will find you build coping skills, such as relaxation techniques, problem-solving and communication. You can manage difficult situations by actively participating in your healing process.

Accessible support

Single-session therapy offers accessible support for people who may not be ready for or require longer-term counselling. It is a great entry point for you if you are hesitant about therapy or seeking support for specific issues. Its accessibility breaks barriers and the stigma sometimes associated with therapy and mental health support, appealing to more people.

Cost-effective

Single-session therapy is cost and time-effective compared to traditional longer-term therapy. It is a brief intervention where you can receive focused and actionable insights without the commitment of multiple sessions.

Focussed and goal-oriented

Single-session therapy is goal-oriented, focusing on specific issues or challenges. You collaborate with your therapist to define clear objectives for the session, enabling a targeted and efficient approach to problem-solving. It is excellent for specific concerns, such as decision-making dilemmas, anxiety before important events, parenting skills, or recent life changes.

Evidence-based

Research into the efficacy of single-session therapy indicates it is effective. Many people who have received a one-off session reported feeling better after the session and said it helped them understand their problems and develop coping skills.

What are some challenges of single-session therapy? 

• The limited time frame is the main challenge, so a clear session goal is vital. We will establish this together at the beginning of your session. 
• There are also some situations where longer-term therapy may be more appropriate. Get in touch for an introduction call to help you decide whether single-session therapy is the right option.

Single-session therapy is a collaboration between you and your therapist. When we work together, I will help you identify and develop a plan to achieve your session goals. Sessions typically focus on problem-solving and finding coping skills that work for you.

Single-session therapy with me puts your needs and goals at the centre of the session, ensuring a personalised and meaningful experience. I specialise in short-term counselling, so if you feel this might be helpful to you or if you have any questions, get in touch with me.

Parenting an adolescent can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. By staying calm, patient, and optimistic, and by being willing to let go of some control, you can be the parent your child needs.

7 tips for staying calm as a parent

Here are some critical points for you to keep in mind.

1. Remember, your teen’s brain and body are under construction

Don’t underestimate the profound changes your child is making developmentally, such as mood swings, boundary-pushing and risk-taking, each resulting from their brain and body growth. Try not to take this behaviour personally either; this phase won’t last forever. Learning more about adolescent development and how it impacts their behaviour can be helpful. After all, knowledge is power! There are books, podcasts, and web pages – do your research or talk to someone who is an expert in supporting parents of adolescents.

2. Don’t jump to ‘fix it’ mode

Your child needs you to listen to them; they don’t necessarily want you to resolve or find solutions; they’re usually not. You are letting them know you’re there for them, even when they are unsure what they need. Ask them if they just want you just to listen or to listen and help them work out their next step. Working collaboratively is much more effective in assisting them to find solutions and strategies for the hard stuff. Listen to them actively: don’t interrupt, dismiss or judge what they’re saying, even if it seems trivial or out of perspective. If they feel they can talk to you, they trust you can handle the hard stuff.

3. Go with the flow

The days of dictating what they do and them complying are over – that breeds resentment and is more likely to result in rebellion. It’s much easier to go along with them and see your relationship becoming more of a partnership. As your teen grows and changes, you need to be flexible and willing to compromise, change and adapt with them. It’s much easier to ride the waves together than try to hold back the tide yourself.

4. Try to avoid escalating the situation

Understandably, you will sometimes react emotionally to your teen’s outbursts. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and say or do something we might regret later. Yes, they will make you angry and frustrated; it’s what they’re supposed to do at this stage! They need to push away to find their own feet and independence.

If you can take a step back, keep calm and stay composed, you’ll likely be able to handle the situation constructively. Understanding your teen’s pushback as a regular part of their development can help you keep perspective.

5. Get to know what pushes your buttons

This means you’ll be more prepared to respond than to fly off the handle immediately. Is it the eye roll? The monosyllabic grunt to a friendly enquiry about how their day went, or the constant backtalk? When this happens, take a breath. Don’t take it personally, but remove yourself from the situation if needed.

6. Take care of yourself

Do the things and be with the people who make you feel good. When you are feeling well and happy, the people who matter to you are much more likely to feel happy. If you aren’t taking care of yourself – getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising – it will be harder to take care of your teen. It helps keep resentment at bay and puts you in a better place to be there for your kids when they need you. It also shows them the importance of looking after themselves.

7. Try to maintain your sense of humour

Focus on the light side of raising teens – you don’t need to react to every annoying little thing they do (even though they don’t let you get away with anything they find remotely irritating). Use humour to connect; perspective and seeing the funny side can lighten tense situations. They are still kids and still learning. Laughing at ourselves and the situation can help diffuse tension and make the whole experience easier. And if you can’t find the funny side, that’s okay too – chalk it up to a bad day, let it go and move on.

Staying calm is the best way to show your teenager how they can manage stress and tricky situations. Children learn best by seeing the behaviour you want from them in action. That also goes for making mistakes. You don’t expect them to be flawless, so acknowledge that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. By admitting mistakes, you can forgive and move on, plus you have an excellent opportunity to grow and learn – what a great gift to show your kid!

Remember that you’re not alone and that some challenges with teens are typical. Parenting can be tricky, and having someone to talk to can make a significant difference; please don’t feel like you have to navigate this time alone.

If you struggle to keep your cool with your teen or tween child or want someone to talk through the experiences (the ups and the downs), you can contact me here. We can work together to develop strategies for staying calm and communicating effectively with your teen.

Has a recent breakup left you feeling like your world has tipped upside down? Are you wondering if you’ll ever feel happy again? Perhaps you’re feeling relieved, pleased to have got out in one piece. Breakups are never easy, but there are ways to cope with the pain and move on. They are part of life – everyone goes through breakups at some point, and they make it through. So if you’re going through a breakup, know that you’re not alone and that there are things you can do to help yourself. Breakups are a part of life, but they don’t have to define you.

1. Give yourself time to grieve.

Feeling your feelings is OK, so don’t be hard on yourself. You might want to move on quickly and get back on track, but getting over a relationship can take some time, so be kind to yourself. Whether the breakup was for the best or you’re struggling to make sense of it, allow yourself time to grieve. It is a loss, and you need time to process your feelings. Remember that this feeling won’t last forever. You’ll have good and not-so-good days but will get through this in time.

2. Look after yourself

Look after your basic needs; ensure you’re nourishing yourself with healthy food, getting enough sleep, getting outside, and moving your body. When you look after your physical health, you can better cope with the stress of a breakup. Think of the things you do that you find relaxing; reading a book, watching a film, going for a walk. Do them.

3. Stay active

Focus on the things that make you feel good and spend time with the people who make you happy. It could be that you have more time on your hands now that you’re not with your ex. Planning, especially for weekends, can help. Watch out for alcohol and other drug use at this time, however. It might feel like they help in the short term, but they will make you feel worse in the longer term. Remember, your focus is on healing.

4. Be patient

There’s no time frame for a breakup; different people heal at their own pace, so be patient with yourself. You don’t need to compare yourself to others and how they have dealt with breakups – keep your focus on yourself and your journey.

5. Give yourself space

It’s OK to avoid the other person for a little while, in person and online. You don’t need to shut them out of your life entirely, but you might find putting some practical blocks in to protect your space and avoid bumping into them when you’re not ready.

6. Talk it through

Talking about your breakup with friends or family can help you understand what happened. There’s also something quite therapeutic about your friends agreeing that you’re better off without your ex! They can also help you see other perspectives, look after yourself, give you some great distractions, and remind you that you can still have fun.

A quick point on rebound relationships:

Rebound relationships are a thing, but giving yourself time before beginning another relationship is better. Think about what you want your next relationship to be like; what does a healthy, positive relationship look like?

If you’re struggling to cope with a breakup and want to help things make sense again, please contact me HERE. I specialise in single-session therapy, which can help you quickly resolve one particular issue. You’ll process your emotions, find coping mechanisms, and move on.

Are you wondering what happened to the easy-going chats you anticipated having with your teenage child? Are your attempts to ask about their day met with a grunt or, even worse, an eye roll? Does this leave you feeling insecure and wondering how you can improve things between you?

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging. They’re going through many changes and often feel insecure and unsure of themselves. But staying connected with them is crucial, even when it’s tough. They are watching and learning from you. Show them how positive, respectful communication looks, sounds and feels.

7 tips for better communication with your teenager

Here are some tips to help you build strong connections and good communication with your teenager:

1. More listening, less talking

This is number one on this list for a reason! It’s vital that your child feels heard and understood. Give them your full attention when they choose to talk to you. It can be tempting to jump in with a ‘fix’ for any issues they might face, but they need to feel heard most.

2. Actively listen

Pay attention to what they are saying. Ask questions to clarify and summarise the points they’ve made back to them, ensuring you understand what they are saying. Watch your body language and tone of voice – teens are very aware of this! Let them see that you are listening and are interested.

3. No judging

Respect their feelings and opinions even if you disagree with what they’re saying. Teens are going through many changes, often feeling insecure and unsure of themselves. Give them some slack. A study by the NSPCC found that 80% of teenagers said they would feel more comfortable talking to their parents about important issues if they thought their parents would listen to them without judging them.

4. Watch your language

Sarcasm and shouting don’t help. Focus on using calm and assertive communication.

5. Honesty for the win

If you can share your thoughts and feelings with them, it will be easier for them to be open and honest with you. Show them you are willing to listen. This also means being nice and clear about your expectations and rules.

6. Find common ground

This could be sharing a hobby, watching a TV show together (even better if it’s one they’ve chosen), or just talking about your day. Ask them what they’re interested in and respect their interests (even if you don’t understand them). Share your interests with them, something you’ve liked since you were their age or something you’ve gotten into more recently.

7. Make one-to-one time

It is vital as your teen gets older and starts spending more time with their friends. Aim for quality over quantity; even a few minutes a day of focused time connecting makes a world of difference to them. Go for a walk together, or discuss current events with them.

Here are some additional tips for you:

• Be patient. It takes time to build trust and communication with teens. You won’t see results overnight, but these will make a difference that will grow over time. And they will notice.
• Be yourself. Teens can spot a fake a mile off! And they will let you know.
• Have fun! Connecting with your teen should be enjoyable for both of you. If you aren’t enjoying the conversation, your teen won’t be either.

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that they are still growing and learning. Following these tips can create a more open and supportive environment for positive communication with your teenager. And positive communication is vital; it helps with their self-esteem and sets them up for healthy relationships outside of the family with their peers and romantic partners.

If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, why not get in touch HERE to see how I can help?

Are you smashing your career goals but at a cost to your mental health? Are you putting all you can into your work and professional network and still needing more? And you’re wondering when you can find the time to catch up with the people who matter to you, let alone have the time for self-care?

Balancing your career and personal life whilst keeping yourself well is challenging!

Tips to help you build your career, maintain relationships, and keep yourself together

• Define your priorities – 

  What truly matters to you? Work, family, friends, health? All of these are important, so it’s helpful to consider how to proportion these to keep yourself well and happy. What are the things you do and the people you hang out with make you feel good? You cannot give 100% of yourself to all areas of your life all the time. When you’re thinking of your career goals, it helps to remember what matters to you to help you align between these and work.

• Establish boundaries –

  Boundaries are everything! Work out clear time boundaries around work, home, relaxation, social life, and hobbies. Burnout is real and happens when you don’t have these boundaries firm and let work seep into every area of your life.

• Practice time management –

  Time blocking and prioritising tasks by time and order of importance can be helpful. I set timers all the time – 20 minutes or so of concerted concentration gets a lot done! You could look up the Pomodoro technique, for example, which is really helpful if you have an ADHD brain. Apps such as Forest are great for this.  Multitasking is overrated – tackle one thing at a time; it makes it much easier to get tasks done.

• Foster communication and collaboration –

  Keep communication open with colleagues, managers, and loved ones. Let them know if you need help to get through. When you express your needs to others, they can help you find solutions or to accept the answers you’ve discovered for yourself. Delegate! Share tasks, not just at work but at home – asking for help is a strength.

• Prioritise self-care –

  Self-care can sometimes feel like another task but consider it by putting yourself on your to-do list. You cannot give your best self when you are wrung out and exhausted. Give yourself the time to exercise and get outside, to do your hobbies – do them because they make you feel good. I may not always feel like yoga, but I always enjoy it once it’s done. Make sure you take time to disconnect from tech often and regularly. Looking after yourself means being more productive while maintaining your mental health.

• Set realistic goals –

  Balancing long-term and short-term goals helps avoid burnout and maintains motivation. What do you want your life to look like in 5 years? Let yourself daydream about this and then work backwards. To help with shorter-term goals, at the end of your working day, set yourself three tasks you want to focus on for the next day.

• Seek support systems –

  Find others to see how they manage (or don’t manage!) their work-life balance. Networking isn’t just about work but about sharing experiences. Seek out mentors to help guide you professionally and personally.

Work-life balance is not a one size fits all concept. Work out what works best for you by reviewing how you’re doing – professionally and in yourself and your well-being. Remember that things change – being flexible and adapting to change is essential.

Are you ready to experience the benefits of single-session therapy? Find out more about an Empower Hour and book your session today!

Do you believe that, whatever you do for your children, it is never enough? Do you question every decision you make? Do you worry you’re letting your children down and not doing enough for them to thrive? You doubt your parenting, feel you are inadequate as a mother, and that you will never be good enough for your kids.

This is sometimes referred to as parental imposter syndrome. Just to clarify, this doesn’t mean it’s a diagnosable condition – it’s all too common!

What is imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon that causes you to doubt your abilities, leaving you feeling like a fraud despite all the evidence of your skills and accomplishments. It affects your well-being and your confidence getting in the way of you being able to get on and parent your kids.

How does imposter syndrome show up for parents?

• You constantly compare yourself to other parents, feeling like you’re coming up short.
• You feel like you’re not doing a good enough job as a parent.
• You worry that you’re making mistakes and messing up your child’s chances of being well and happy.
• You feel like you’re faking it – it’s only a matter of time until people find out you don’t know what you’re doing.
• You avoid social situations where other parents will be because you worry they will judge you.
• You feel isolated and alone, the only parent struggling, and no one will understand your feelings.

First, knowing that you are not the only parent feeling like this is essential! It’s all too common. You might be feeling like you’re not hitting the mark, but that doesn’t mean that you are not being good enough. The media constantly bombards us with images of ‘perfect’ families and parents, and social media is not helping. Comparison to other parents can leave you feeling like you’re not doing well. When it comes to perfectionism, you don’t expect your children to be perfect, so why do you expect that you have to be perfect?

Stress can also add to feeling inadequate and doubting yourself. Being a parent can be very stressful, and it doesn’t get any easier when your kids hit the teen years. If you are not getting the support you need from the people around you, your partner, family or friends, it can also really impact your feelings that you’re not a good enough parent.

What can help with parental imposter syndrome?

• Remember that you are not alone in feeling like this. Parental imposter syndrome is widespread, and many parents feel the way you do – even ones you might not expect.
• Share your experiences – talking to someone you trust can help you to feel less alone. Finding out other parents are experiencing this helps to normalise how you’re feeling – it’s not just you – talking about it will help them and you.
• Challenge that negative voice in your head by focusing on your strengths as a parent. Notice when you’re getting it right! Even if it’s something small like your teen giving you an out-of-the-blue hug or kiss before they plug back into their phone.
• Try not to compare – it’s pointless! That’s the thing about comparing yourself to others, there’s always going to be someone doing better than you, and there’s always someone doing worse. What is important is how you are doing.
• Be kind to yourself – or if that feels like an impossible dream, how about being a bit less mean to yourself on occasion? Remember that your kids are looking to you and learning to look after themselves. Why not show them what self-compassion looks like?
• You will make mistakes. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, remember? What counts is how you come back from mistakes. Acknowledge you got it wrong, apologise if necessary and then move on.

Finally, seek professional help if you’re struggling with imposter syndrome. I work with parents to help them understand and manage their feelings and to develop coping strategies. I will help you to see the parenting wood for the trees and help you recognise that you’re just the parent your child needs.

If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, why not get in touch HERE to see how I can help?