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Imagine your teenager coming home after a long day at school, their face revealing the burden of countless emotions. They casually throw their bag onto the sofa, sighing loudly, signalling that something is troubling them.

As a parent or carer of a teen or nearly teenage child, you often find yourself standing at a crossroads as you watch your child venture into a world of newfound independence, friendships, and challenges. While this is a time of self-discovery and growth, it also comes with a maze of influences from their world, positive and negative, over which it can feel you have no control. From the relative safety of family and home that you have worked to provide them with, the lure of peer pressure is significant as they turn towards others around them.

So, how do you equip your teenager with the skills and reliance they need to navigate the waves of peer influence while making responsible choices along the way? And remain calm and resilient yourself!

What is peer pressure?

Our peers are people in the same social group as us, for example, your child’s friends and classmates. Peer pressure is the influence members of a social group have on other members to do things they might not otherwise choose to do. The influence can be subtle or more direct and coercive. Remember being cheered on by your friends when you were a kid to down that drink in one? Or the fear of missing out on a party because everyone is going? That’s peer pressure.

While the term is often used when people are talking about more negative, risky or socially unacceptable behaviour, such as experimenting with alcohol or other drugs, it can also have positive effects, such as a drive to study or exercise.

It’s all in the brain

Adolescents are more susceptible to peer influence because of how their brains develop. Understanding what is happening developmentally in your child is vital as it gives you an understanding of ‘why’ they are behaving the way they do and helps you recognise typical adolescent behaviour and what might be cause for concern. 

• The part of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control and judgement (the prefrontal cortex) is developing significantly during adolescence. This area is crucial for evaluating the consequences of our actions and making rational decisions. As it matures, teens gradually learn to think more abstractly and consider the long-term effects of their choices.
• The limbic system, associated with emotions and rewards, develops earlier, explaining why teens often experience heightened emotional intensity and sensitivity that their parents are all too aware of. Alongside this, they are seeking immediate gratification and social rewards. They are more inclined to respond to peer pressure, which can give the social acceptance and belonging that is so important.

This also means that:

1. Your teenager is more attuned to approval or disapproval from their peers and super sensitive to social cues, making conforming to their peer group’s norms and expectations vital to them.
2. Adolescents’ brain activity related to reward and social processing increases when they are in the presence of their peers, meaning they are more willing to take risks or decide what they think their peers will respond favourably to. This is why they might seem capable of sensible choices when they are with you, which then fly out the window when they are with their friends.

All this is to say that, whilst they are looking for independence, they still need your guidance.

How can you guide them?

Open questions and non-judgmental communication

‘How was your day at school today? Did anything interesting happen with your friends?’. ‘Have you ever felt pressured to do something you weren’t comfortable with? Can you tell me more about it?’ Give them your full attention when they’re telling you, and let them speak before you offer comments.

Help your teen build resilience and make responsible choices

This could include specific scenarios and role-playing exercises that parents can do with their teens to practice saying “no” in difficult situations.

Encourage them to find and join positive peer groups

For example, groups that share their interests and values, as this can help to mitigate negative influences. After-school activities and clubs help with this, so your teen has their school friends and dance friends, for example. 

Having supportive friends

Friends who encourage healthy habits and academic success can significantly affect your teen’s overall well-being. Encourage these friendships.

Be a positive role model

They are looking to you to see how you handle situations. Talk to them about times you have opted out of doing something because your friends were doing it. You can also tell them how you turned harmful to positive influences in your life. Let them know about positive outcomes from making responsible decisions rather than going along with peer pressure.

Examples of positive peer pressure

While peer pressure is often associated with adverse or risky behaviours, it’s essential to acknowledge that peer influence can have positive effects, too. 

Doing well at school

Encourage teenagers to join study groups or engage with friends who value academic success. When peers celebrate achievements and share a common goal of doing well in school, it can inspire your teen to prioritise their education.

Involvement in sports and physical activity

Positive peer pressure can manifest healthily through sports, dance, or other physical activities. Friends who enjoy being active can motivate your teenager to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Avoiding substance use

Supportive friends who avoid alcohol, drugs, or vaping can have a significant favourable influence on your teenager’s choices.

Exploring artistic interests

Your teen might have friends who engage in art classes, creating and sharing their artwork. This can encourage your teenager to develop creative skills and express themselves.

Reach out for support

If you worry peer pressure is leading to severe emotional distress or substance abuse, seek professional help. If you’re struggling to communicate with your teen or need further guidance, I specialise in adolescent issues, so get in touch to see how we can work together. I can give you strategies and the confidence to manage this and know the parenting wood for the trees.

In the fast-paced rhythm of our lives, do you ever find yourself caught in the unrelenting dance of worry? Does your mind replay conversations like a broken record, scrutinising every word and gesture for hidden meanings? Do you feel tense in your body, whisper of headaches, and yearn for restful sleep that seems elusive?

If this scenario feels familiar, you’re not alone. Emotional hypervigilance, a stealthy companion to our daily existence, affects many of us. In this blog about this heightened awareness, let’s uncover the signs, delve into its impact on our lives, and discover pathways to a more serene existence. 

According to Counselling Directory member Gregori Savva’s article, ‘What is emotional hypervigilance?’ emotional hypervigilance is “a heightened state of arousal, stress or sensitivity to certain sensory stimuli.”

Recognising the signs of emotional hypervigilance

• Constant worry: You worry continuously, without a break and often about things beyond your control. Because of this, you feel constantly on edge and find it challenging to relax.
• Overthinking and rumination: You replay your thoughts on a loop in your mind, repeatedly thinking about the same things, especially your problems or worries. It’s like having a broken record playing in your head. You might constantly replay a conversation, analysing every word and gesture, looking for hidden meanings or signs of disapproval, even in casual interactions. With overthinking, you might spend much time imagining potential future social scenarios, creating mental scripts for every possible conversation in an attempt to be prepared for any outcome. 

Physical symptoms

The stress associated with emotional hypervigilance can also impact your physical body in the following ways: 

• Muscle tension: You might notice increased muscle tension, particularly in the neck, shoulders and jaw, making you uncomfortable and even experiencing headaches. 
• Digestive issues: Stomachaches, indigestion, changes in bowel habits and even irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) symptoms. 
• Sleep disturbances: Emotional hypervigilance often interferes with sleep and might cause insomnia, restlessness and fragmented sleep patterns. You may find yourself waking up frequently during the night.
• Headaches: Caused by physical tension and stress. 
• Fatigue: Being constantly vigilant and on edge is physically draining, leaving you tired, low on energy and generally exhausted. 

Even though these are physical symptoms, counselling can give you tools and strategies to effectively manage these manifestations of emotional hypervigilance by giving you the headspace you need to manage your stressors.

Relationship struggles 

When you are constantly second-guessing yourself, not expressing your needs and finding it hard to be present in social interactions, it is no wonder this can impact your relationships. Misunderstandings, conflicts, or difficulty forming connections are more likely. You might then withdraw from social situations and isolate yourself for fear of judgement or rejection.

Some causes of emotional hypervigilance

It’s typically a combination of factors that contribute to you feeling this, for example:

• Anxiety, social anxiety, or specific phobias can lead to constant worry and vigilance.
• Past trauma such as abuse, violence or a life-threatening event may develop emotional hypervigilance as a defence mechanism. 
• High levels of stress from work, family, or personal issues.
• Perfectionism, where you are constantly seeking flawlessness and fear of making mistakes.
• Sensory sensitivities.

A word on hypervigilance in neurodivergent (autistic and ADHD) individuals

Emotional hypervigilance is not exclusive to autistic and ADHD individuals. Still, it is prevalent, with social and sensory sensitivities and triggers often contributing. Autistic masking, where we hide our autistic traits to fit in better with the neurotypical world, can be conscious or unconscious and is exhausting either way. Intrusive or sudden noises can trigger heightened alertness and anxiety. Overcrowded places, such as public transport or crowded events, can be overwhelming and cause individuals to be on high alert. 

Executive functions are the mental processes that help us achieve our objectives; they help us solve problems, guide our decision-making, and control our actions. Executive functioning differences in autistic and ADHD people mean emotional regulation is challenging, particularly when sensory overwhelm, when our working memory or difficulties with time management make it difficult to complete tasks.

These social and sensory sensitivities and executive functioning challenges can cause stress, anxiety, and emotional hypervigilance.

Finding healthy coping strategies

Perhaps you recognise some of these signs in yourself or your loved ones – what can help?

Mindfulness and relaxation techniques

• Mindfulness is staying fully present in the moment without judgment or distraction. It can be anything that takes your mind off what has happened and might happen in the future. It’s paying deliberate attention to your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and the surrounding environment as they are in the present.
• Deep breathing: Practice deep belly breathing to calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety.

Self-care

• Regular exercise: Physical activity can help reduce stress and anxiety. Find an exercise routine you enjoy, whether walking, yoga, or a team sport.
• Adequate sleep: Prioritise good sleep routines and ensure enough rest, as sleep is crucial for managing emotional well-being.
• Nutrition: Maintain a balanced diet focusing on whole foods, as nutrition can impact mood and energy levels.
• Hydration: Drink enough water throughout the day, as dehydration can contribute to stress.

Seeking professional help

It’s important to note that emotional hypervigilance can affect individuals in different ways and to varying degrees. The first step is awareness, and if you’ve recognised any of the signs in yourself or someone you care about, you’re already on the path to understanding and healing. Seeking professional help is a critical step. Addressing emotional hypervigilance can involve understanding the underlying causes. Counselling can help with this and support you to find healthy coping strategies that work for you.

In addition, the coping strategies mentioned, like mindfulness, relaxation techniques, self-care, and seeking support from friends and family, can help guide you back to a healthier emotional state. Remember, you’re not alone in experiencing this. Many of us grapple with heightened vigilance, and self-compassion and understanding will help you feel healthier and happier – something to be genuinely vigilant about. 

If this resonates with you, explore my profile for more information on how we might work together or to get in touch. Remember, you’re not alone in experiencing heightened vigilance. Many of us navigate these challenges, and self-compassion and understanding can lead us to a healthier and happier state. Let’s embark on this journey together. 

There you are: cruising through life, feeling confident and in control, when suddenly, out of nowhere, a curveball called ‘menopause’ arrives. It’s like a surprise guest at a party you weren’t prepared for, and it doesn’t just affect your well-being – it’s a party crasher that messes with the dynamics of your closest relationships. Have you ever wondered how this natural phase in life can impact your connections? Whether you’re experiencing the effect of menopause yourself or a partner wanting to understand and support your loved one, here are some of the surprises and opportunities menopause brings to the table.

Menopause is a natural biological process where the menstrual cycle stops, marking the end of the reproductive years, typically occurring between the ages of 45 and 55. It happens via stages including perimenopause (the years leading up to menopause), menopause itself (when there have been no periods for 12 consecutive months) and post-menopause (the phase that follows).

Hormonal changes primarily drive menopause, specifically a decline in oestrogen and progesterone, which leads to various symptoms which tend to include (but are not limited to!) hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings and changes in libido. These symptoms can directly impact intimate relationships with partners, family and friends, causing low self-esteem, low self-confidence and family issues.

It’s important to note here that while menopause symptoms can present challenges in relationships, they can also be an opportunity for growth and a more profound connection between partners when approached with empathy and open communication.

According to a survey by the Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health Research and Education, eight out of 10 women experiencing marriage difficulties said the symptoms of perimenopause or menopause put a strain on their family life.

Challenges of menopause on relationships

What are some typical symptoms of menopause that can directly impact your significant relationships?

• Mood swings: Hormonal fluctuations during menopause (similar to puberty) can lead to mood swings, irritability and increased emotional sensitivity. Both you and your partner may find tensions rise more quickly in conversations, causing conflict.
• Change in libido: Many may experience decreased sexual desire during menopause, leading to a decline in sexual intimacy, which can affect both partners emotionally.
• Sleep disturbance: Lack of quality sleep impacts your ability to communicate effectively and spend quality time with your partner.
• Brain fog: Memory lapses and cognitive changes in menopause are common. Forgetfulness or difficulty concentrating can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.
• Emotional challenges: The impact of menopause on our mental health is often overlooked, but anxiety and depression can occur, causing a strain in the relationship if not addressed openly or supported by your partner.

A combination of these, plus the physical symptoms of menopause, can make effective communication more challenging. Partners willing to learn about menopause and provide emotional support can help mitigate these challenges.

Positive aspects of menopause in relationships

Menopause has been a taboo in our society, but this is gradually changing. Many positive aspects need to be recognised and valued. It is a time for growth, connection, and renewal.

• Deeper emotional connection: Menopause encourages us to communicate more openly about how we feel physically and emotionally, allowing partners to support and understand each other better. It creates a sense of solidarity and a stronger bond as you and your partner empathise with the challenges and celebrate the positives.
• Increased freedom: Menopause often comes when your focus shifts from raising children as they become more independent, perhaps leaving home for university, to spending more quality time together as a couple. It’s an opportunity to spend time together travelling, sharing hobbies or just spending time together.
• Renewed romance: With fewer distractions and increased confidence, there’s more time and space to enjoy a more exciting romantic life. You can emerge from menopause with a greater sense and understanding of your body, and exploring new ways to maintain your physical connection can lead to a more creative and satisfying intimate life.
• Embracing change together: Menopause is a significant life change. Facing it with your partner as a team can foster a sense of togetherness. It encourages improved communication skills as you work together to express your needs and concerns more effectively. It teaches us to be more empathetic and patient with each other, benefiting the relationship beyond menopause.

Please seek professional advice, especially when menopause symptoms significantly affect your well-being and relationships. Don’t try to work through these on your own. HRT is one option, and there are others for you to consider under the guidance of your GP or a medical professional specialising in menopause.

Do you feel your menopause is negatively impacting your relationships? As a counsellor specialising in parents and carers of tweens and teens, I am aware of the perfect storm of hormonal activity where one family member is experiencing menopause as another is experiencing puberty. 

Contact me today to find out how we can work together.

Remember the butterflies in your stomach on your first day of high school or that awkward feeling when you had to speak in front of the class? We’ve all been there. Now, imagine your teenager going through those moments daily, struggling with shyness in an increasingly complex world. In this article, I’ll explore the unique challenges that shy adolescents face and provide you with practical tips to help them thrive.

Adolescence is a stage of development that brings unique challenges to parents and carers. It’s a time when our identity is changing, and social dynamics are constantly evolving. Many of us have experienced shyness at some point and understand the challenges it can pose. But what if you’re concerned that your teenager is timid? This article will explore how to support them, whether shyness can be “fixed,” and the importance of nurturing your teen’s qualities. I’ll also explore when shyness might become a more significant concern and offer practical tips to help your shy adolescent build confidence and resilience.

This article will explore the topic of shyness in adolescents, a common and natural aspect of growing up. It’s important to distinguish that we are discussing shyness, which is a personality trait, and not social anxiety, which is a related but distinct condition.

Shyness is a feeling familiar to most of us. It can feel like a resistance band holding you back, making you uncomfortable, fearful, or apprehensive, making interacting with others or sharing ideas difficult. Shyness can be a natural personality trait, and it’s essential to recognise that there’s nothing inherently wrong with being shy. There are also positive aspects to shyness, such as deeper thinking and heightened empathy.

Understanding Shyness in Adolescents:

Shyness can look different in tweens and teens than in younger children. They may need help with shyness in public speaking, initiating conversations with peers, or working out the complexities of dating and romantic relationships. Understanding these subtle distinctions is crucial for effectively supporting your shy teenager.

Most younger children will be shy in specific situations or around certain people. But when does your adolescent child’s shyness become a concern?

Identifying shyness as an Issue in pre-Teens and Teenagers:

Shyness can become more pronounced during adolescence due to increased social pressure and the desire to be accepted by peers. You may find your teen less forthcoming about their feelings, so you must maintain lines of communication.

Recognising when shyness goes beyond typical teenage reservations is vital for providing timely support. You might want to look out for the following:

1. Consistently avoiding social situations, even those they used to enjoy.
2. Having a very small or non-existent social circle.
3. Difficulty forming and maintaining friendships.
4. Intense fear or anxiety before or during social interactions, panic attacks, rapid heart rate, sweating, and trembling are signs of heightened anxiety.
5. Physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, nausea, or even vomiting related to social situations can indicate that shyness has escalated into a significant concern.
6. They are avoiding school, participating in extracurricular activities, or taking on responsibilities.
7. Symptoms of depression including ongoing sadness, loss of interest in activities, and social withdrawal.
8. Excessive use of social media to avoid face-to-face social interactions.

Moods can be fleeting and volatile during adolescence. If the signs persist over several months and affect several aspects of your teenager’s life, however, it indicates that their shyness has become a significant concern.

Shy teens may feel underestimated and overlooked, struggling with confidence in school, potentially impacting their academic achievements and happiness. When their shyness restricts their experiences, causing them to miss out or negatively affecting their school performance, these signs need addressing.

Practical Tips for Parents of Shy Adolescents:

• Respect Their Independence:

• • Adolescents crave autonomy. Respect their space and let them make choices about social interactions while offering (subtle) guidance when needed.

• Encourage Extracurricular Activities:

• • Encourage your teen to explore interests and hobbies outside of school. Joining clubs or groups that match their interests can lead to more meaningful social interactions.

• Discuss Social Challenges:

• • Initiate conversations about your teen’s social challenges, whether dealing with peer pressure, navigating dating, or preparing for college or future careers.

• Promote Self-Expression:

• • Encourage your teen to express themselves through creative outlets like writing, art, or music. These forms of self-expression can boost confidence and self-esteem.

• Set Realistic Goals:

• • Please work with your teen to set achievable social goals relevant to their age group. For instance, they could aim to attend a social event with a friend or initiate a conversation with a classmate.

• Encourage Peer Involvement:

• • Encourage your teen to invite friends over or engage in group activities. This can help them build social skills in a comfortable setting.

• Seek Professional Help If Needed:

• • If your child’s shyness is causing significant distress or interfering with their daily life, consider consulting a professional who works with young people for specialised support. Early intervention can make a substantial difference in helping your teenager manage their shyness and related challenges effectively.

Everyone is unique; what works for one young person may not work for another. Patience and understanding are essential while helping your shy teen develop the social skills they need to flourish.

Shyness is a natural part of the human experience, and parents need to support their shy kids rather than trying to change them. By understanding the impact of shyness on your child’s life, promoting open conversations, and encouraging comfortable courage through small steps, you can help your teenage child build confidence and resilience. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” shyness; it’s about helping your teen thrive on their terms.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and unsure how you can support your shy teenager? I work with parents of tweens and teens, offering personalised guidance and support. Contact me today to discuss your situation and explore how we can work together to help your teenager overcome shyness and find their full potential. Don’t let shyness hold them back from the bright future they deserve!

Are you worried your teenage child might be vaping? As a parent, it’s natural to be concerned about the influences surrounding our adolescents, particularly when issues like teenage vaping are rising.

Vaping, despite its legal age restrictions, is increasingly becoming a widespread habit among teenagers. In fact, it’s been labelled an “epidemic” by experts. The ASH Smokefree GB Youth Survey reveals that a staggering 20.5% of children have tried vaping, and 7.6% are currently using e-cigarettes.

While vaping serves as a cessation tool for some adults trying to stop smoking, it’s an entirely different story when it comes to marketing. Colourful packaging and sweet flavours, specifically designed to lure young consumers, are just the tip of the iceberg. The allure of vaping for teenagers often hinges on its cool and rebellious image, an appeal actively exploited by social media influencers. Even though adverts promoting vapes are banned on platforms like TikTok, the use of e-cigarettes among influencers remains widespread.

It’s important to understand that vaping is far from a harmless habit. Besides damaging the lungs and exacerbating asthma, vaping increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, and lung cancer. Yet, the most vulnerable in this scenario are young people with developing brains at risk of nicotine’s long-term, lasting effects. Nicotine addiction, mood disorders, permanent impulse control reduction, and harm to cognitive functions are all associated with teenage vaping—a fate you’d undoubtedly want to spare your child from.

However, it’s crucial to maintain a balanced perspective. While vaping may seem ubiquitous in the media, it’s less common among youngsters than one might think. As you mentioned, less than 8% of children in the UK are currently vaping. While this number is relatively low, it’s essential to acknowledge that vaping is a reality for some teenagers, and its usage is rising. If you’re concerned that your teen may be vaping, it’s vital to have an open and informed conversation with them about the associated risks.

In this blog, we’ll explore the hidden dangers of teenage vaping and provide you with the knowledge and tools to engage your teenager in a constructive conversation about this worrying trend.

Signs your teenager is vaping

You might notice increased coughing at night, irritability, and thirst. The usual giveaway is the fruity and sweet scents wafting from their room.

How to start the conversation

• Choose a time and place to have a private conversation without distractions.
• Start by letting your teen know you’re concerned about them and want to talk to them about vaping.
• Be open and honest with your teen. Let them know you’re not there to judge them but want to help them make informed decisions about their health.

What to say

• Talk to your teen about why they should want to quit, and then you can tailor your support accordingly. The environmental impact of single-use vapes can be a good motivator for young people.
• Be empathetic and understanding. Let your teen know that you know they might be tempted to vape but that it’s essential to resist the urge. Quitting vaping is hard, especially for teens. Let your teen know you’re there for them and willing to help however possible.
• Encourage your teen to ask questions and be ready to answer them openly and honestly.

How to handle your teen’s reactions 

• Be prepared for mixed reactions from your teen. Some teens may be receptive to your concerns and willing to discuss vaping. Others may be defensive or angry.
• If your teen is defensive or angry, stay calm to avoid arguing. Let them know you’re there to listen and want to support them.
• Don’t give up if your teen is unwilling to talk to you about vaping. Try to speak to them again at a later time. You could also suggest they talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher or counsellor.

Additional tips

• Be respectful of your teen’s feelings.
• Avoid using judgmental language.
• Focus on the facts.
• Be patient. It may take some time for your teen to come around.
• Don’t panic. Give yourself time to let your feelings settle, and then you can feel prepared to have a constructive conversation with them.
• Be a role model: If you or anyone in your household vapes, consider quitting or using alternatives. It’s much harder for them to vape and more accessible to resist temptation if no vaping devices or products are around the house.

Vaping among teenagers is an escalating concern, but as a parent or carer, you hold the key to making a real difference in your child’s life. Remember, the most crucial aspect is to ensure your teenager knows you’re there for them and that your support is unwavering.

If you face challenges communicating with your teen or need further guidance on steering the often complex issues surrounding adolescence, I specialise in providing support and guidance. Get in touch with me to explore how we can collaborate to ensure the well-being and future of your teenager.
As parents, caregivers, and professionals, we can empower our youth to make informed, healthier choices. Your proactive steps today will pave the way for your teen’s safer and brighter tomorrow.

Once you’ve decided to explore therapy, you might wonder what you will discuss in your sessions. It can feel like standing at the edge of an abyss, wondering where to start and what will happen once you jump in. This article will give you some insights and tips on where to begin with your therapy.

The foundation for open communication between you and your counsellor hinges on establishing trust. You must feel safe and secure in your sessions, as this emotional safety net means you can share your thoughts and feelings candidly. Building rapport is crucial in making the connection between you and your therapist robust and positive. This connection is vital and something I, as your counsellor, am well-versed in nurturing, as it is a linchpin for the effectiveness of your therapy.

In our sessions, I ensure to provide a safe and confidential space. You gradually build trust by being able to share your thoughts, emotions, and experiences without fear of judgment. This trust is the foundation upon which meaningful therapeutic work can occur. It means you can confront challenges and work towards positive change with the confidence that I am there to support and guide you.

Helpful topics to discuss in therapy

Here are some topics you may find helpful to talk about in your sessions:

• Setting goals

Setting clear therapy goals together helps guide our conversation and is also great for helping you track your progress. You and I will work together on them, regularly reviewing and checking in to ensure your counselling stays on track.

Having well-defined objectives can make the counselling process more productive and goal-oriented. Some examples of goals might be improving communication, learning coping mechanisms to change unhelpful behaviours, or gaining a better understanding of yourself. You can also identify and discuss your personal growth and well-being goals beyond therapy.

• Exploring emotions

Talking about your positive or negative feelings is crucial for self-awareness. Exploring your emotions might be something you are not used to but don’t worry; as your counsellor, I will safely help with this.

Emotional self-awareness benefits your personal growth, and you might discuss tips and exercises to try at home to help you develop this. For example, you might be feeling a sense of loneliness and disconnection from people or feeling guilt for doing something wrong. Therapy will help you work out where these feelings come from and help you find ways to forgive yourself.

• Life events

There might be an experience or significant life event you’ve experienced that is affecting your mental health, causing you anxiety or depression. These may be life transitions, such as your child starting school or moving away to go to university; for example, therapy gives you the perfect space to share what has happened, which provides room to start processing and ultimately healing. 

• Relationships

Discussing your relationships can be essential to understanding how they impact your wellbeing. There could be a fundamental relationship you want to explore with a family member, teenage child, or a friend, for example. It can also be helpful to explore how past relationships might still impact you now.

Therapy is a great practice ground for boundary setting. When you have healthy boundaries in your counselling relationship, it’s easier to recognise and set them in your personal life. You can discuss how to put boundaries in place and their importance in healthy relationships.

• Coping strategies

You might discuss your developed coping strategies and then evaluate what works less well. You can find alternative and healthy ways of managing together. Self-care is vital to overall mental health, and you can discuss what you do to help yourself feel good and better understand what else you can do.

• Reflection and feedback

Reflecting on your progress in therapy helps you apply what you have learned. It’s good to bounce ideas around about how you feel your counselling is going and to ask any questions you may have about your therapy.

Finding a therapist

There can be a perception that counselling is only for when you have a severe issue or specific problem that you must work through. There is a growing recognition of the effectiveness of talking things through with a neutral person to have the space to talk through whatever is on your mind. You can decide on the support you need before a problem feels overwhelming.

Finding the therapist that is a good fit for you is essential. It can feel daunting, but here are a couple of key tips on what to look for in a therapist:

• Ensure they are fully qualified and have the appropriate training and experience to help you with your needs.
• You should feel comfortable and safe with your therapist. They should be someone you can trust and who you feel understands you.

Feeling comfortable with your therapist and confident they can help you is essential. If you don’t feel connected with a particular therapist, don’t be afraid to try someone else – we won’t mind, honestly! 

Here are some additional tips for finding a therapist:

• Ask your friends, family, or doctor for recommendations.
• Look for therapists in your area who specialise in your specific needs, such as family issues, relationships, parenting tweens and teens, and neurodivergence (such as ADHD or autism).

Finding the right therapist can be challenging, but finding someone who is a good ‘fit’ for you and can help you with mental health and wellbeing is essential. You will feel more confident and prepared as you begin your therapy journey.

Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re ready to take the first step towards personal growth and positive change. Once you’ve contacted me, I’ll promptly reach out to schedule a convenient time to catch up by phone. Together, we can embark on self-discovery and empowerment through therapy.

I look forward to supporting you on this path.

Congratulations. Your kid is off to uni! As well as pride in your offspring’s achievement, you might be left feeling a sense of loss and emptiness. This is often unrecognised as having your (nearly adult) child move out is a normal, healthy part of life.

Significant life events, such as retirement or menopause, often compound this feeling. No wonder the feeling parents and carers are often left with is called empty nest syndrome. However, it’s worth remembering that empty nest syndrome is not an official diagnosis or ailment. It is a normal reaction to a significant life change. 

Transition from school to university

Moving from school to university can be quite the transition for you and them; here are four ways to prepare, cope and even flourish through this time. 

• Acknowledge your feelings

Remember to respect your emotions about them flying the nest and how you will adjust. Feeling a spectrum of emotions when your child leaves home is to be expected, including sadness, depression, grief, loneliness, anxiety – even relief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, and don’t try to bottle them up. 

• Celebrate their independence

This is a significant milestone for your child, and it’s important to celebrate their accomplishments. Tell them how proud you are of them and how excited you are for their next chapter. Be proud of yourself, too! You were there supporting them through this. Getting someone through their A-levels can be pretty tense – you got them and yourself through in one piece, so give yourself a pat on the back.

• Time to reconnect

Now is a great time to discover new hobbies and interests. You might reconnect with something you used to love doing when you were a kid: dance classes, reading fantasy fiction, football, travel. Talking of reconnecting, this is also a great time to focus on your relationships. This may be the first time it’s been just you and your partner for twenty-plus years. Remind yourself why you liked hanging out with them back then. It’s a time to develop relationships that matter to you outside being a parent or carer and a chance to rediscover yourself. Please take it. Go for coffee, take pictures, have weekends away, and spend time with friends, your partner, and the people you feel your best around. 

• Look after yourself

Taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, will help you cope with the changes of empty nest syndrome. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to adjust to your new family life. Don’t expect to feel happy and carefree overnight.

Looking after your child’s mental health at uni

If you feel confident that your child will be safe and well whilst they’re away, it’s much easier for you to focus on yourself during this transition period. Here are some practical steps you can take to help with this.

• Work out with them how often you’ll communicate while they’re away. You’ll need to find the right balance between giving them space and staying connected. Start by asking them what they want regarding contact, and be prepared to adjust this as they find their feet. You might not hear from them as much as you anticipated – don’t expect too much from them as they settle in. 
• Open communication is crucial. Regularly check in with your child about how they feel emotionally and mentally. Tell them they can talk to you honestly about how they’re feeling. Recognise signs your child might be struggling with their mental health, such as sudden behavioural changes and social or academic withdrawal. Regular conversations with them help catch issues early.
• Help them find support sources they can access if needed. Universities in the UK will have a student support service. There will be links on the university website. Familiarise yourself and your child with the mental health resources available at their university, including counselling services, support groups, and workshops. Know who to contact both on and off campus. 
• Please encourage them to keep healthy habits around nutrition, sleep, exercise, the importance of a balanced social life, and self-care strategies. Sending care packages of the treats they like, little things that remind them of home, and pictures of their pet, family members, and loved ones mean a lot. You can also plan visits so they can show you the new people and places important to them. Take them out to dinner – remember the value of a free meal to a student!
• Remind them that university is not just about academic success; it’s learning how to get along with different people, time management, budgeting, problem-solving and solution-finding. This is a time of change and can feel overwhelming. Transitioning to university brings challenges such as homesickness, difficulty making new friends, and academic pressure. These are to be expected and are usually short-term.

Talking about your feelings with a counsellor can help with empty nest syndrome. I’ll help you see the parenting wood for the trees and give you a different perspective and practical coping strategies. If this has resonated with you, why not get in touch to see how therapy with me can help? I am based between Brighton and Eastbourne in East Sussex and provide counselling therapy online, which means we can work together wherever you are.

Social media has become an integral part of our lives, allowing us to connect, express ourselves, and share experiences. However, it can be challenging when dealing with our teenagers’ digital lives. How can you help your teens find a healthy balance in the online world?

When social media use becomes a problem

The term ‘social media addiction’ describes a pattern of excessive and compulsive use of social media platforms that can impact mental health, relationships and academic performance. While the term often sparks discussions and headlines, it’s worth considering if this term accurately captures problematic social media use.

While parents might observe what appears to be compulsive behaviour in their children, professionals have differing opinions on whether labelling it as ‘addiction’ is entirely fitting. In this article, I’ll use the term to describe problematic social media use.

What to look out for:

• Being constantly distracted by social media while doing other activities
• Experiencing ‘withdrawal symptoms’ when not using social media, neglecting personal hygiene or sleeping due to excessive social media use. 

6 steps to help your teen with social media addiction

If you’ve noticed your teen is spending excessive time online and withdrawing from activities offline, you have seen changes in their mood and declining academic performance; this could be a sign of social media addiction. Social media usage can increase loneliness, anxiety, and depression among adolescents. So, what steps can you take to support them?

1. Open communication: Discuss this with your teen to work out strategies together. Working together is more likely to produce positive results compared to imposing solutions. Create an environment that allows them to talk to you about their online experiences. If they feel comfortable sharing what they enjoy about their online interactions, they’ll be more likely to open up about their challenges.
2. Set healthy boundaries; Balancing online time with offline activities is crucial. Remind your teen of the activities they enjoy away from screens, such as sports, reading, or spending time with friends in person. Consider implementing designated screen-free times and establishing tech-free zones in the house, such as bedrooms.
3. Lead by example: Remember that your kids are watching and learning from what you do. Be a positive role model by practising healthy tech habits yourself. The screen-free times and tech-free zones go for you, too! You might be surprised at the positive impact of stowing phones away and out of reach, particularly overnight.
4. Encourage offline interests: Support them to explore real-world hobbies and interests such as dance, sports, crafts, and cosplay. Help them find a balance between their virtual and real-world experiences.
5. Maintain a balanced view: Social media is not all bad. It is an excellent platform for creativity, learning and connecting with friends when used consciously.
6. Help them to regulate their use: Self-regulation is difficult for tweens and teens because of where they are developmentally. Help them work this out. Chat with them about the potential impact of excessive use on them. They are likely aware of the risks of cyberbullying and online harassment (unfortunately).

The pressure of comparing themselves to others’ curated online lives can result in low self-esteem and a distorted sense of reality. Help them set their goals for their screen time by working collaboratively with them. You can gently guide them without being forceful or dictatorial – that’s a surefire way to robust resistance. 

You could:

1. Encourage them to take up sports like football, basketball or activities like cycling or hiking. These not only encourage physical fitness but also provide a break from screens.
2. Suggest artistic pursuits like painting, drawing, crafting, or playing a musical instrument. These hobbies can be both relaxing and fulfilling.
3. Reading physical books or magazines can be a fantastic way to escape the digital world and dive into different stories and knowledge.

Are you concerned about your teen’s relationship with social media?

If you are worried about your teenager’s excessive use of social media, you can seek guidance and support from a professional counsellor like me, who specialises in working with parents of adolescents. We can work together to develop strategies for promoting healthy online habits and strengthening family relationships. Don’t hesitate to get in touch here to schedule a session.

Single-session therapy (SST) is a brief therapy that can effectively manage all sorts of issues, including anxiety and stress, relationship problems, family and parenting issues, work issues and life transitions. 

Single-session therapy is one goal-oriented and empowering session with a therapist and is becoming increasingly popular as a time and cost-effective intervention. As well as an affordable and convenient option, it can be as effective as longer-term therapy. In one session, you and your therapist work together to identify your goals, develop a plan to achieve them and provide you with tools and resources to help.

SST is a great option when you are experiencing a short-term problem or are unsure if you want to commit to longer-term therapy. It allows you to find out what therapy is like whilst helping you find ways to get moving again.

What are the benefits of single-session therapy?

Quick relief

Single-session therapy can quickly relieve symptoms of anxiety, stress, low mood and depression. You and your therapist can focus on the issue that’s bothering you and develop a plan to address it in a single session. It allows you to manage your concerns, gain insights, and develop coping strategies in a short period, making it ideal for those with time constraints or seeking immediate support.

Increased self-awareness

Single-session therapy can help to boost your self-awareness and understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. You will find you build coping skills, such as relaxation techniques, problem-solving and communication. You can manage difficult situations by actively participating in your healing process.

Accessible support

Single-session therapy offers accessible support for people who may not be ready for or require longer-term counselling. It is a great entry point for you if you are hesitant about therapy or seeking support for specific issues. Its accessibility breaks barriers and the stigma sometimes associated with therapy and mental health support, appealing to more people.

Cost-effective

Single-session therapy is cost and time-effective compared to traditional longer-term therapy. It is a brief intervention where you can receive focused and actionable insights without the commitment of multiple sessions.

Focussed and goal-oriented

Single-session therapy is goal-oriented, focusing on specific issues or challenges. You collaborate with your therapist to define clear objectives for the session, enabling a targeted and efficient approach to problem-solving. It is excellent for specific concerns, such as decision-making dilemmas, anxiety before important events, parenting skills, or recent life changes.

Evidence-based

Research into the efficacy of single-session therapy indicates it is effective. Many people who have received a one-off session reported feeling better after the session and said it helped them understand their problems and develop coping skills.

What are some challenges of single-session therapy? 

• The limited time frame is the main challenge, so a clear session goal is vital. We will establish this together at the beginning of your session. 
• There are also some situations where longer-term therapy may be more appropriate. Get in touch for an introduction call to help you decide whether single-session therapy is the right option.

Single-session therapy is a collaboration between you and your therapist. When we work together, I will help you identify and develop a plan to achieve your session goals. Sessions typically focus on problem-solving and finding coping skills that work for you.

Single-session therapy with me puts your needs and goals at the centre of the session, ensuring a personalised and meaningful experience. I specialise in short-term counselling, so if you feel this might be helpful to you or if you have any questions, get in touch with me.

Parenting an adolescent can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. By staying calm, patient, and optimistic, and by being willing to let go of some control, you can be the parent your child needs.

7 tips for staying calm as a parent

Here are some critical points for you to keep in mind.

1. Remember, your teen’s brain and body are under construction

Don’t underestimate the profound changes your child is making developmentally, such as mood swings, boundary-pushing and risk-taking, each resulting from their brain and body growth. Try not to take this behaviour personally either; this phase won’t last forever. Learning more about adolescent development and how it impacts their behaviour can be helpful. After all, knowledge is power! There are books, podcasts, and web pages – do your research or talk to someone who is an expert in supporting parents of adolescents.

2. Don’t jump to ‘fix it’ mode

Your child needs you to listen to them; they don’t necessarily want you to resolve or find solutions; they’re usually not. You are letting them know you’re there for them, even when they are unsure what they need. Ask them if they just want you just to listen or to listen and help them work out their next step. Working collaboratively is much more effective in assisting them to find solutions and strategies for the hard stuff. Listen to them actively: don’t interrupt, dismiss or judge what they’re saying, even if it seems trivial or out of perspective. If they feel they can talk to you, they trust you can handle the hard stuff.

3. Go with the flow

The days of dictating what they do and them complying are over – that breeds resentment and is more likely to result in rebellion. It’s much easier to go along with them and see your relationship becoming more of a partnership. As your teen grows and changes, you need to be flexible and willing to compromise, change and adapt with them. It’s much easier to ride the waves together than try to hold back the tide yourself.

4. Try to avoid escalating the situation

Understandably, you will sometimes react emotionally to your teen’s outbursts. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and say or do something we might regret later. Yes, they will make you angry and frustrated; it’s what they’re supposed to do at this stage! They need to push away to find their own feet and independence.

If you can take a step back, keep calm and stay composed, you’ll likely be able to handle the situation constructively. Understanding your teen’s pushback as a regular part of their development can help you keep perspective.

5. Get to know what pushes your buttons

This means you’ll be more prepared to respond than to fly off the handle immediately. Is it the eye roll? The monosyllabic grunt to a friendly enquiry about how their day went, or the constant backtalk? When this happens, take a breath. Don’t take it personally, but remove yourself from the situation if needed.

6. Take care of yourself

Do the things and be with the people who make you feel good. When you are feeling well and happy, the people who matter to you are much more likely to feel happy. If you aren’t taking care of yourself – getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising – it will be harder to take care of your teen. It helps keep resentment at bay and puts you in a better place to be there for your kids when they need you. It also shows them the importance of looking after themselves.

7. Try to maintain your sense of humour

Focus on the light side of raising teens – you don’t need to react to every annoying little thing they do (even though they don’t let you get away with anything they find remotely irritating). Use humour to connect; perspective and seeing the funny side can lighten tense situations. They are still kids and still learning. Laughing at ourselves and the situation can help diffuse tension and make the whole experience easier. And if you can’t find the funny side, that’s okay too – chalk it up to a bad day, let it go and move on.

Staying calm is the best way to show your teenager how they can manage stress and tricky situations. Children learn best by seeing the behaviour you want from them in action. That also goes for making mistakes. You don’t expect them to be flawless, so acknowledge that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. By admitting mistakes, you can forgive and move on, plus you have an excellent opportunity to grow and learn – what a great gift to show your kid!

Remember that you’re not alone and that some challenges with teens are typical. Parenting can be tricky, and having someone to talk to can make a significant difference; please don’t feel like you have to navigate this time alone.

If you struggle to keep your cool with your teen or tween child or want someone to talk through the experiences (the ups and the downs), you can contact me here. We can work together to develop strategies for staying calm and communicating effectively with your teen.