Remember the butterflies in your stomach on your first day of high school or that awkward feeling when you had to speak in front of the class? We’ve all been there. Now, imagine your teenager going through those moments daily, struggling with shyness in an increasingly complex world. In this article, I’ll explore the unique challenges that shy adolescents face and provide you with practical tips to help them thrive.

Adolescence is a stage of development that brings unique challenges to parents and carers. It’s a time when our identity is changing, and social dynamics are constantly evolving. Many of us have experienced shyness at some point and understand the challenges it can pose. But what if you’re concerned that your teenager is timid? This article will explore how to support them, whether shyness can be “fixed,” and the importance of nurturing your teen’s qualities. I’ll also explore when shyness might become a more significant concern and offer practical tips to help your shy adolescent build confidence and resilience.

This article will explore the topic of shyness in adolescents, a common and natural aspect of growing up. It’s important to distinguish that we are discussing shyness, which is a personality trait, and not social anxiety, which is a related but distinct condition.

Shyness is a feeling familiar to most of us. It can feel like a resistance band holding you back, making you uncomfortable, fearful, or apprehensive, making interacting with others or sharing ideas difficult. Shyness can be a natural personality trait, and it’s essential to recognise that there’s nothing inherently wrong with being shy. There are also positive aspects to shyness, such as deeper thinking and heightened empathy.

Understanding Shyness in Adolescents:

Shyness can look different in tweens and teens than in younger children. They may need help with shyness in public speaking, initiating conversations with peers, or working out the complexities of dating and romantic relationships. Understanding these subtle distinctions is crucial for effectively supporting your shy teenager.

Most younger children will be shy in specific situations or around certain people. But when does your adolescent child’s shyness become a concern?

Identifying shyness as an Issue in pre-Teens and Teenagers:

Shyness can become more pronounced during adolescence due to increased social pressure and the desire to be accepted by peers. You may find your teen less forthcoming about their feelings, so you must maintain lines of communication.

Recognising when shyness goes beyond typical teenage reservations is vital for providing timely support. You might want to look out for the following:

1. Consistently avoiding social situations, even those they used to enjoy.
2. Having a very small or non-existent social circle.
3. Difficulty forming and maintaining friendships.
4. Intense fear or anxiety before or during social interactions, panic attacks, rapid heart rate, sweating, and trembling are signs of heightened anxiety.
5. Physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, nausea, or even vomiting related to social situations can indicate that shyness has escalated into a significant concern.
6. They are avoiding school, participating in extracurricular activities, or taking on responsibilities.
7. Symptoms of depression including ongoing sadness, loss of interest in activities, and social withdrawal.
8. Excessive use of social media to avoid face-to-face social interactions.

Moods can be fleeting and volatile during adolescence. If the signs persist over several months and affect several aspects of your teenager’s life, however, it indicates that their shyness has become a significant concern.

Shy teens may feel underestimated and overlooked, struggling with confidence in school, potentially impacting their academic achievements and happiness. When their shyness restricts their experiences, causing them to miss out or negatively affecting their school performance, these signs need addressing.

Practical Tips for Parents of Shy Adolescents:

• Respect Their Independence:

• • Adolescents crave autonomy. Respect their space and let them make choices about social interactions while offering (subtle) guidance when needed.

• Encourage Extracurricular Activities:

• • Encourage your teen to explore interests and hobbies outside of school. Joining clubs or groups that match their interests can lead to more meaningful social interactions.

• Discuss Social Challenges:

• • Initiate conversations about your teen’s social challenges, whether dealing with peer pressure, navigating dating, or preparing for college or future careers.

• Promote Self-Expression:

• • Encourage your teen to express themselves through creative outlets like writing, art, or music. These forms of self-expression can boost confidence and self-esteem.

• Set Realistic Goals:

• • Please work with your teen to set achievable social goals relevant to their age group. For instance, they could aim to attend a social event with a friend or initiate a conversation with a classmate.

• Encourage Peer Involvement:

• • Encourage your teen to invite friends over or engage in group activities. This can help them build social skills in a comfortable setting.

• Seek Professional Help If Needed:

• • If your child’s shyness is causing significant distress or interfering with their daily life, consider consulting a professional who works with young people for specialised support. Early intervention can make a substantial difference in helping your teenager manage their shyness and related challenges effectively.

Everyone is unique; what works for one young person may not work for another. Patience and understanding are essential while helping your shy teen develop the social skills they need to flourish.

Shyness is a natural part of the human experience, and parents need to support their shy kids rather than trying to change them. By understanding the impact of shyness on your child’s life, promoting open conversations, and encouraging comfortable courage through small steps, you can help your teenage child build confidence and resilience. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” shyness; it’s about helping your teen thrive on their terms.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and unsure how you can support your shy teenager? I work with parents of tweens and teens, offering personalised guidance and support. Contact me today to discuss your situation and explore how we can work together to help your teenager overcome shyness and find their full potential. Don’t let shyness hold them back from the bright future they deserve!

Are you worried your teenage child might be vaping? As a parent, it’s natural to be concerned about the influences surrounding our adolescents, particularly when issues like teenage vaping are rising.

Vaping, despite its legal age restrictions, is increasingly becoming a widespread habit among teenagers. In fact, it’s been labelled an “epidemic” by experts. The ASH Smokefree GB Youth Survey reveals that a staggering 20.5% of children have tried vaping, and 7.6% are currently using e-cigarettes.

While vaping serves as a cessation tool for some adults trying to stop smoking, it’s an entirely different story when it comes to marketing. Colourful packaging and sweet flavours, specifically designed to lure young consumers, are just the tip of the iceberg. The allure of vaping for teenagers often hinges on its cool and rebellious image, an appeal actively exploited by social media influencers. Even though adverts promoting vapes are banned on platforms like TikTok, the use of e-cigarettes among influencers remains widespread.

It’s important to understand that vaping is far from a harmless habit. Besides damaging the lungs and exacerbating asthma, vaping increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, and lung cancer. Yet, the most vulnerable in this scenario are young people with developing brains at risk of nicotine’s long-term, lasting effects. Nicotine addiction, mood disorders, permanent impulse control reduction, and harm to cognitive functions are all associated with teenage vaping—a fate you’d undoubtedly want to spare your child from.

However, it’s crucial to maintain a balanced perspective. While vaping may seem ubiquitous in the media, it’s less common among youngsters than one might think. As you mentioned, less than 8% of children in the UK are currently vaping. While this number is relatively low, it’s essential to acknowledge that vaping is a reality for some teenagers, and its usage is rising. If you’re concerned that your teen may be vaping, it’s vital to have an open and informed conversation with them about the associated risks.

In this blog, we’ll explore the hidden dangers of teenage vaping and provide you with the knowledge and tools to engage your teenager in a constructive conversation about this worrying trend.

Signs your teenager is vaping

You might notice increased coughing at night, irritability, and thirst. The usual giveaway is the fruity and sweet scents wafting from their room.

How to start the conversation

• Choose a time and place to have a private conversation without distractions.
• Start by letting your teen know you’re concerned about them and want to talk to them about vaping.
• Be open and honest with your teen. Let them know you’re not there to judge them but want to help them make informed decisions about their health.

What to say

• Talk to your teen about why they should want to quit, and then you can tailor your support accordingly. The environmental impact of single-use vapes can be a good motivator for young people.
• Be empathetic and understanding. Let your teen know that you know they might be tempted to vape but that it’s essential to resist the urge. Quitting vaping is hard, especially for teens. Let your teen know you’re there for them and willing to help however possible.
• Encourage your teen to ask questions and be ready to answer them openly and honestly.

How to handle your teen’s reactions 

• Be prepared for mixed reactions from your teen. Some teens may be receptive to your concerns and willing to discuss vaping. Others may be defensive or angry.
• If your teen is defensive or angry, stay calm to avoid arguing. Let them know you’re there to listen and want to support them.
• Don’t give up if your teen is unwilling to talk to you about vaping. Try to speak to them again at a later time. You could also suggest they talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher or counsellor.

Additional tips

• Be respectful of your teen’s feelings.
• Avoid using judgmental language.
• Focus on the facts.
• Be patient. It may take some time for your teen to come around.
• Don’t panic. Give yourself time to let your feelings settle, and then you can feel prepared to have a constructive conversation with them.
• Be a role model: If you or anyone in your household vapes, consider quitting or using alternatives. It’s much harder for them to vape and more accessible to resist temptation if no vaping devices or products are around the house.

Vaping among teenagers is an escalating concern, but as a parent or carer, you hold the key to making a real difference in your child’s life. Remember, the most crucial aspect is to ensure your teenager knows you’re there for them and that your support is unwavering.

If you face challenges communicating with your teen or need further guidance on steering the often complex issues surrounding adolescence, I specialise in providing support and guidance. Get in touch with me to explore how we can collaborate to ensure the well-being and future of your teenager.
As parents, caregivers, and professionals, we can empower our youth to make informed, healthier choices. Your proactive steps today will pave the way for your teen’s safer and brighter tomorrow.

Once you’ve decided to explore therapy, you might wonder what you will discuss in your sessions. It can feel like standing at the edge of an abyss, wondering where to start and what will happen once you jump in. This article will give you some insights and tips on where to begin with your therapy.

The foundation for open communication between you and your counsellor hinges on establishing trust. You must feel safe and secure in your sessions, as this emotional safety net means you can share your thoughts and feelings candidly. Building rapport is crucial in making the connection between you and your therapist robust and positive. This connection is vital and something I, as your counsellor, am well-versed in nurturing, as it is a linchpin for the effectiveness of your therapy.

In our sessions, I ensure to provide a safe and confidential space. You gradually build trust by being able to share your thoughts, emotions, and experiences without fear of judgment. This trust is the foundation upon which meaningful therapeutic work can occur. It means you can confront challenges and work towards positive change with the confidence that I am there to support and guide you.

Helpful topics to discuss in therapy

Here are some topics you may find helpful to talk about in your sessions:

• Setting goals

Setting clear therapy goals together helps guide our conversation and is also great for helping you track your progress. You and I will work together on them, regularly reviewing and checking in to ensure your counselling stays on track.

Having well-defined objectives can make the counselling process more productive and goal-oriented. Some examples of goals might be improving communication, learning coping mechanisms to change unhelpful behaviours, or gaining a better understanding of yourself. You can also identify and discuss your personal growth and well-being goals beyond therapy.

• Exploring emotions

Talking about your positive or negative feelings is crucial for self-awareness. Exploring your emotions might be something you are not used to but don’t worry; as your counsellor, I will safely help with this.

Emotional self-awareness benefits your personal growth, and you might discuss tips and exercises to try at home to help you develop this. For example, you might be feeling a sense of loneliness and disconnection from people or feeling guilt for doing something wrong. Therapy will help you work out where these feelings come from and help you find ways to forgive yourself.

• Life events

There might be an experience or significant life event you’ve experienced that is affecting your mental health, causing you anxiety or depression. These may be life transitions, such as your child starting school or moving away to go to university; for example, therapy gives you the perfect space to share what has happened, which provides room to start processing and ultimately healing. 

• Relationships

Discussing your relationships can be essential to understanding how they impact your wellbeing. There could be a fundamental relationship you want to explore with a family member, teenage child, or a friend, for example. It can also be helpful to explore how past relationships might still impact you now.

Therapy is a great practice ground for boundary setting. When you have healthy boundaries in your counselling relationship, it’s easier to recognise and set them in your personal life. You can discuss how to put boundaries in place and their importance in healthy relationships.

• Coping strategies

You might discuss your developed coping strategies and then evaluate what works less well. You can find alternative and healthy ways of managing together. Self-care is vital to overall mental health, and you can discuss what you do to help yourself feel good and better understand what else you can do.

• Reflection and feedback

Reflecting on your progress in therapy helps you apply what you have learned. It’s good to bounce ideas around about how you feel your counselling is going and to ask any questions you may have about your therapy.

Finding a therapist

There can be a perception that counselling is only for when you have a severe issue or specific problem that you must work through. There is a growing recognition of the effectiveness of talking things through with a neutral person to have the space to talk through whatever is on your mind. You can decide on the support you need before a problem feels overwhelming.

Finding the therapist that is a good fit for you is essential. It can feel daunting, but here are a couple of key tips on what to look for in a therapist:

• Ensure they are fully qualified and have the appropriate training and experience to help you with your needs.
• You should feel comfortable and safe with your therapist. They should be someone you can trust and who you feel understands you.

Feeling comfortable with your therapist and confident they can help you is essential. If you don’t feel connected with a particular therapist, don’t be afraid to try someone else – we won’t mind, honestly! 

Here are some additional tips for finding a therapist:

• Ask your friends, family, or doctor for recommendations.
• Look for therapists in your area who specialise in your specific needs, such as family issues, relationships, parenting tweens and teens, and neurodivergence (such as ADHD or autism).

Finding the right therapist can be challenging, but finding someone who is a good ‘fit’ for you and can help you with mental health and wellbeing is essential. You will feel more confident and prepared as you begin your therapy journey.

Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re ready to take the first step towards personal growth and positive change. Once you’ve contacted me, I’ll promptly reach out to schedule a convenient time to catch up by phone. Together, we can embark on self-discovery and empowerment through therapy.

I look forward to supporting you on this path.

Congratulations. Your kid is off to uni! As well as pride in your offspring’s achievement, you might be left feeling a sense of loss and emptiness. This is often unrecognised as having your (nearly adult) child move out is a normal, healthy part of life.

Significant life events, such as retirement or menopause, often compound this feeling. No wonder the feeling parents and carers are often left with is called empty nest syndrome. However, it’s worth remembering that empty nest syndrome is not an official diagnosis or ailment. It is a normal reaction to a significant life change. 

Transition from school to university

Moving from school to university can be quite the transition for you and them; here are four ways to prepare, cope and even flourish through this time. 

• Acknowledge your feelings

Remember to respect your emotions about them flying the nest and how you will adjust. Feeling a spectrum of emotions when your child leaves home is to be expected, including sadness, depression, grief, loneliness, anxiety – even relief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, and don’t try to bottle them up. 

• Celebrate their independence

This is a significant milestone for your child, and it’s important to celebrate their accomplishments. Tell them how proud you are of them and how excited you are for their next chapter. Be proud of yourself, too! You were there supporting them through this. Getting someone through their A-levels can be pretty tense – you got them and yourself through in one piece, so give yourself a pat on the back.

• Time to reconnect

Now is a great time to discover new hobbies and interests. You might reconnect with something you used to love doing when you were a kid: dance classes, reading fantasy fiction, football, travel. Talking of reconnecting, this is also a great time to focus on your relationships. This may be the first time it’s been just you and your partner for twenty-plus years. Remind yourself why you liked hanging out with them back then. It’s a time to develop relationships that matter to you outside being a parent or carer and a chance to rediscover yourself. Please take it. Go for coffee, take pictures, have weekends away, and spend time with friends, your partner, and the people you feel your best around. 

• Look after yourself

Taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, will help you cope with the changes of empty nest syndrome. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to adjust to your new family life. Don’t expect to feel happy and carefree overnight.

Looking after your child’s mental health at uni

If you feel confident that your child will be safe and well whilst they’re away, it’s much easier for you to focus on yourself during this transition period. Here are some practical steps you can take to help with this.

• Work out with them how often you’ll communicate while they’re away. You’ll need to find the right balance between giving them space and staying connected. Start by asking them what they want regarding contact, and be prepared to adjust this as they find their feet. You might not hear from them as much as you anticipated – don’t expect too much from them as they settle in. 
• Open communication is crucial. Regularly check in with your child about how they feel emotionally and mentally. Tell them they can talk to you honestly about how they’re feeling. Recognise signs your child might be struggling with their mental health, such as sudden behavioural changes and social or academic withdrawal. Regular conversations with them help catch issues early.
• Help them find support sources they can access if needed. Universities in the UK will have a student support service. There will be links on the university website. Familiarise yourself and your child with the mental health resources available at their university, including counselling services, support groups, and workshops. Know who to contact both on and off campus. 
• Please encourage them to keep healthy habits around nutrition, sleep, exercise, the importance of a balanced social life, and self-care strategies. Sending care packages of the treats they like, little things that remind them of home, and pictures of their pet, family members, and loved ones mean a lot. You can also plan visits so they can show you the new people and places important to them. Take them out to dinner – remember the value of a free meal to a student!
• Remind them that university is not just about academic success; it’s learning how to get along with different people, time management, budgeting, problem-solving and solution-finding. This is a time of change and can feel overwhelming. Transitioning to university brings challenges such as homesickness, difficulty making new friends, and academic pressure. These are to be expected and are usually short-term.

Talking about your feelings with a counsellor can help with empty nest syndrome. I’ll help you see the parenting wood for the trees and give you a different perspective and practical coping strategies. If this has resonated with you, why not get in touch to see how therapy with me can help? I am based between Brighton and Eastbourne in East Sussex and provide counselling therapy online, which means we can work together wherever you are.

Social media has become an integral part of our lives, allowing us to connect, express ourselves, and share experiences. However, it can be challenging when dealing with our teenagers’ digital lives. How can you help your teens find a healthy balance in the online world?

When social media use becomes a problem

The term ‘social media addiction’ describes a pattern of excessive and compulsive use of social media platforms that can impact mental health, relationships and academic performance. While the term often sparks discussions and headlines, it’s worth considering if this term accurately captures problematic social media use.

While parents might observe what appears to be compulsive behaviour in their children, professionals have differing opinions on whether labelling it as ‘addiction’ is entirely fitting. In this article, I’ll use the term to describe problematic social media use.

What to look out for:

• Being constantly distracted by social media while doing other activities
• Experiencing ‘withdrawal symptoms’ when not using social media, neglecting personal hygiene or sleeping due to excessive social media use. 

6 steps to help your teen with social media addiction

If you’ve noticed your teen is spending excessive time online and withdrawing from activities offline, you have seen changes in their mood and declining academic performance; this could be a sign of social media addiction. Social media usage can increase loneliness, anxiety, and depression among adolescents. So, what steps can you take to support them?

1. Open communication: Discuss this with your teen to work out strategies together. Working together is more likely to produce positive results compared to imposing solutions. Create an environment that allows them to talk to you about their online experiences. If they feel comfortable sharing what they enjoy about their online interactions, they’ll be more likely to open up about their challenges.
2. Set healthy boundaries; Balancing online time with offline activities is crucial. Remind your teen of the activities they enjoy away from screens, such as sports, reading, or spending time with friends in person. Consider implementing designated screen-free times and establishing tech-free zones in the house, such as bedrooms.
3. Lead by example: Remember that your kids are watching and learning from what you do. Be a positive role model by practising healthy tech habits yourself. The screen-free times and tech-free zones go for you, too! You might be surprised at the positive impact of stowing phones away and out of reach, particularly overnight.
4. Encourage offline interests: Support them to explore real-world hobbies and interests such as dance, sports, crafts, and cosplay. Help them find a balance between their virtual and real-world experiences.
5. Maintain a balanced view: Social media is not all bad. It is an excellent platform for creativity, learning and connecting with friends when used consciously.
6. Help them to regulate their use: Self-regulation is difficult for tweens and teens because of where they are developmentally. Help them work this out. Chat with them about the potential impact of excessive use on them. They are likely aware of the risks of cyberbullying and online harassment (unfortunately).

The pressure of comparing themselves to others’ curated online lives can result in low self-esteem and a distorted sense of reality. Help them set their goals for their screen time by working collaboratively with them. You can gently guide them without being forceful or dictatorial – that’s a surefire way to robust resistance. 

You could:

1. Encourage them to take up sports like football, basketball or activities like cycling or hiking. These not only encourage physical fitness but also provide a break from screens.
2. Suggest artistic pursuits like painting, drawing, crafting, or playing a musical instrument. These hobbies can be both relaxing and fulfilling.
3. Reading physical books or magazines can be a fantastic way to escape the digital world and dive into different stories and knowledge.

Are you concerned about your teen’s relationship with social media?

If you are worried about your teenager’s excessive use of social media, you can seek guidance and support from a professional counsellor like me, who specialises in working with parents of adolescents. We can work together to develop strategies for promoting healthy online habits and strengthening family relationships. Don’t hesitate to get in touch here to schedule a session.

Single-session therapy (SST) is a brief therapy that can effectively manage all sorts of issues, including anxiety and stress, relationship problems, family and parenting issues, work issues and life transitions. 

Single-session therapy is one goal-oriented and empowering session with a therapist and is becoming increasingly popular as a time and cost-effective intervention. As well as an affordable and convenient option, it can be as effective as longer-term therapy. In one session, you and your therapist work together to identify your goals, develop a plan to achieve them and provide you with tools and resources to help.

SST is a great option when you are experiencing a short-term problem or are unsure if you want to commit to longer-term therapy. It allows you to find out what therapy is like whilst helping you find ways to get moving again.

What are the benefits of single-session therapy?

Quick relief

Single-session therapy can quickly relieve symptoms of anxiety, stress, low mood and depression. You and your therapist can focus on the issue that’s bothering you and develop a plan to address it in a single session. It allows you to manage your concerns, gain insights, and develop coping strategies in a short period, making it ideal for those with time constraints or seeking immediate support.

Increased self-awareness

Single-session therapy can help to boost your self-awareness and understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. You will find you build coping skills, such as relaxation techniques, problem-solving and communication. You can manage difficult situations by actively participating in your healing process.

Accessible support

Single-session therapy offers accessible support for people who may not be ready for or require longer-term counselling. It is a great entry point for you if you are hesitant about therapy or seeking support for specific issues. Its accessibility breaks barriers and the stigma sometimes associated with therapy and mental health support, appealing to more people.

Cost-effective

Single-session therapy is cost and time-effective compared to traditional longer-term therapy. It is a brief intervention where you can receive focused and actionable insights without the commitment of multiple sessions.

Focussed and goal-oriented

Single-session therapy is goal-oriented, focusing on specific issues or challenges. You collaborate with your therapist to define clear objectives for the session, enabling a targeted and efficient approach to problem-solving. It is excellent for specific concerns, such as decision-making dilemmas, anxiety before important events, parenting skills, or recent life changes.

Evidence-based

Research into the efficacy of single-session therapy indicates it is effective. Many people who have received a one-off session reported feeling better after the session and said it helped them understand their problems and develop coping skills.

What are some challenges of single-session therapy? 

• The limited time frame is the main challenge, so a clear session goal is vital. We will establish this together at the beginning of your session. 
• There are also some situations where longer-term therapy may be more appropriate. Get in touch for an introduction call to help you decide whether single-session therapy is the right option.

Single-session therapy is a collaboration between you and your therapist. When we work together, I will help you identify and develop a plan to achieve your session goals. Sessions typically focus on problem-solving and finding coping skills that work for you.

Single-session therapy with me puts your needs and goals at the centre of the session, ensuring a personalised and meaningful experience. I specialise in short-term counselling, so if you feel this might be helpful to you or if you have any questions, get in touch with me.

Parenting an adolescent can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. By staying calm, patient, and optimistic, and by being willing to let go of some control, you can be the parent your child needs.

7 tips for staying calm as a parent

Here are some critical points for you to keep in mind.

1. Remember, your teen’s brain and body are under construction

Don’t underestimate the profound changes your child is making developmentally, such as mood swings, boundary-pushing and risk-taking, each resulting from their brain and body growth. Try not to take this behaviour personally either; this phase won’t last forever. Learning more about adolescent development and how it impacts their behaviour can be helpful. After all, knowledge is power! There are books, podcasts, and web pages – do your research or talk to someone who is an expert in supporting parents of adolescents.

2. Don’t jump to ‘fix it’ mode

Your child needs you to listen to them; they don’t necessarily want you to resolve or find solutions; they’re usually not. You are letting them know you’re there for them, even when they are unsure what they need. Ask them if they just want you just to listen or to listen and help them work out their next step. Working collaboratively is much more effective in assisting them to find solutions and strategies for the hard stuff. Listen to them actively: don’t interrupt, dismiss or judge what they’re saying, even if it seems trivial or out of perspective. If they feel they can talk to you, they trust you can handle the hard stuff.

3. Go with the flow

The days of dictating what they do and them complying are over – that breeds resentment and is more likely to result in rebellion. It’s much easier to go along with them and see your relationship becoming more of a partnership. As your teen grows and changes, you need to be flexible and willing to compromise, change and adapt with them. It’s much easier to ride the waves together than try to hold back the tide yourself.

4. Try to avoid escalating the situation

Understandably, you will sometimes react emotionally to your teen’s outbursts. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and say or do something we might regret later. Yes, they will make you angry and frustrated; it’s what they’re supposed to do at this stage! They need to push away to find their own feet and independence.

If you can take a step back, keep calm and stay composed, you’ll likely be able to handle the situation constructively. Understanding your teen’s pushback as a regular part of their development can help you keep perspective.

5. Get to know what pushes your buttons

This means you’ll be more prepared to respond than to fly off the handle immediately. Is it the eye roll? The monosyllabic grunt to a friendly enquiry about how their day went, or the constant backtalk? When this happens, take a breath. Don’t take it personally, but remove yourself from the situation if needed.

6. Take care of yourself

Do the things and be with the people who make you feel good. When you are feeling well and happy, the people who matter to you are much more likely to feel happy. If you aren’t taking care of yourself – getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising – it will be harder to take care of your teen. It helps keep resentment at bay and puts you in a better place to be there for your kids when they need you. It also shows them the importance of looking after themselves.

7. Try to maintain your sense of humour

Focus on the light side of raising teens – you don’t need to react to every annoying little thing they do (even though they don’t let you get away with anything they find remotely irritating). Use humour to connect; perspective and seeing the funny side can lighten tense situations. They are still kids and still learning. Laughing at ourselves and the situation can help diffuse tension and make the whole experience easier. And if you can’t find the funny side, that’s okay too – chalk it up to a bad day, let it go and move on.

Staying calm is the best way to show your teenager how they can manage stress and tricky situations. Children learn best by seeing the behaviour you want from them in action. That also goes for making mistakes. You don’t expect them to be flawless, so acknowledge that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. By admitting mistakes, you can forgive and move on, plus you have an excellent opportunity to grow and learn – what a great gift to show your kid!

Remember that you’re not alone and that some challenges with teens are typical. Parenting can be tricky, and having someone to talk to can make a significant difference; please don’t feel like you have to navigate this time alone.

If you struggle to keep your cool with your teen or tween child or want someone to talk through the experiences (the ups and the downs), you can contact me here. We can work together to develop strategies for staying calm and communicating effectively with your teen.

Has a recent breakup left you feeling like your world has tipped upside down? Are you wondering if you’ll ever feel happy again? Perhaps you’re feeling relieved, pleased to have got out in one piece. Breakups are never easy, but there are ways to cope with the pain and move on. They are part of life – everyone goes through breakups at some point, and they make it through. So if you’re going through a breakup, know that you’re not alone and that there are things you can do to help yourself. Breakups are a part of life, but they don’t have to define you.

1. Give yourself time to grieve.

Feeling your feelings is OK, so don’t be hard on yourself. You might want to move on quickly and get back on track, but getting over a relationship can take some time, so be kind to yourself. Whether the breakup was for the best or you’re struggling to make sense of it, allow yourself time to grieve. It is a loss, and you need time to process your feelings. Remember that this feeling won’t last forever. You’ll have good and not-so-good days but will get through this in time.

2. Look after yourself

Look after your basic needs; ensure you’re nourishing yourself with healthy food, getting enough sleep, getting outside, and moving your body. When you look after your physical health, you can better cope with the stress of a breakup. Think of the things you do that you find relaxing; reading a book, watching a film, going for a walk. Do them.

3. Stay active

Focus on the things that make you feel good and spend time with the people who make you happy. It could be that you have more time on your hands now that you’re not with your ex. Planning, especially for weekends, can help. Watch out for alcohol and other drug use at this time, however. It might feel like they help in the short term, but they will make you feel worse in the longer term. Remember, your focus is on healing.

4. Be patient

There’s no time frame for a breakup; different people heal at their own pace, so be patient with yourself. You don’t need to compare yourself to others and how they have dealt with breakups – keep your focus on yourself and your journey.

5. Give yourself space

It’s OK to avoid the other person for a little while, in person and online. You don’t need to shut them out of your life entirely, but you might find putting some practical blocks in to protect your space and avoid bumping into them when you’re not ready.

6. Talk it through

Talking about your breakup with friends or family can help you understand what happened. There’s also something quite therapeutic about your friends agreeing that you’re better off without your ex! They can also help you see other perspectives, look after yourself, give you some great distractions, and remind you that you can still have fun.

A quick point on rebound relationships:

Rebound relationships are a thing, but giving yourself time before beginning another relationship is better. Think about what you want your next relationship to be like; what does a healthy, positive relationship look like?

If you’re struggling to cope with a breakup and want to help things make sense again, please contact me HERE. I specialise in single-session therapy, which can help you quickly resolve one particular issue. You’ll process your emotions, find coping mechanisms, and move on.

Are you wondering what happened to the easy-going chats you anticipated having with your teenage child? Are your attempts to ask about their day met with a grunt or, even worse, an eye roll? Does this leave you feeling insecure and wondering how you can improve things between you?

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging. They’re going through many changes and often feel insecure and unsure of themselves. But staying connected with them is crucial, even when it’s tough. They are watching and learning from you. Show them how positive, respectful communication looks, sounds and feels.

7 tips for better communication with your teenager

Here are some tips to help you build strong connections and good communication with your teenager:

1. More listening, less talking

This is number one on this list for a reason! It’s vital that your child feels heard and understood. Give them your full attention when they choose to talk to you. It can be tempting to jump in with a ‘fix’ for any issues they might face, but they need to feel heard most.

2. Actively listen

Pay attention to what they are saying. Ask questions to clarify and summarise the points they’ve made back to them, ensuring you understand what they are saying. Watch your body language and tone of voice – teens are very aware of this! Let them see that you are listening and are interested.

3. No judging

Respect their feelings and opinions even if you disagree with what they’re saying. Teens are going through many changes, often feeling insecure and unsure of themselves. Give them some slack. A study by the NSPCC found that 80% of teenagers said they would feel more comfortable talking to their parents about important issues if they thought their parents would listen to them without judging them.

4. Watch your language

Sarcasm and shouting don’t help. Focus on using calm and assertive communication.

5. Honesty for the win

If you can share your thoughts and feelings with them, it will be easier for them to be open and honest with you. Show them you are willing to listen. This also means being nice and clear about your expectations and rules.

6. Find common ground

This could be sharing a hobby, watching a TV show together (even better if it’s one they’ve chosen), or just talking about your day. Ask them what they’re interested in and respect their interests (even if you don’t understand them). Share your interests with them, something you’ve liked since you were their age or something you’ve gotten into more recently.

7. Make one-to-one time

It is vital as your teen gets older and starts spending more time with their friends. Aim for quality over quantity; even a few minutes a day of focused time connecting makes a world of difference to them. Go for a walk together, or discuss current events with them.

Here are some additional tips for you:

• Be patient. It takes time to build trust and communication with teens. You won’t see results overnight, but these will make a difference that will grow over time. And they will notice.
• Be yourself. Teens can spot a fake a mile off! And they will let you know.
• Have fun! Connecting with your teen should be enjoyable for both of you. If you aren’t enjoying the conversation, your teen won’t be either.

Communicating with teenagers can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that they are still growing and learning. Following these tips can create a more open and supportive environment for positive communication with your teenager. And positive communication is vital; it helps with their self-esteem and sets them up for healthy relationships outside of the family with their peers and romantic partners.

If you are struggling to cope with how your child is behaving and how that is making you feel, why not get in touch HERE to see how I can help?